Friday, October 01, 2004
Today in History: October 1, 1971 Walt Disney World opens near Orlando, Florida.
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Link of the Day: Sneaky Shorts! Buy a pair today to wear with your Super Feet!
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Oh Waaah.
Michael Strauss went to White Castle in October of 2002 and bought some oh so yummy onion rings. Bit into one, and has happened to only a few billion other people ever in the history of White Castle some *gasp* hot grease splattered on his arm.
So Mikey is suing White Castle to not sell such hot food because he is still - STILL - suffering from 'great pain and anguish in mind and body'.
Something tells me that Mikey REALLY needs to get a life.
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Burning Down the House
Leroy Brown of Pine Bluff, Ark, thought his wife was having an affair. So, as any good and spiteful jealous idiotic spouse would do, he set her pants on fire. No, she wasn't in them at the time, but he viewed them as her Sin Pants and wanted them out of the house.
Bummer for Leroy...the fire from the hot pants singed his fingers, so he dropped them. And set his mobile home on fire.
To top it all off - he's now being charged with arson for burning down his own home! HA!
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Whale Rider
Spyros Vamvas, a 60 year old surfer dude, was out surfing at Lasuen Beach, CA, Monday morning. He caught a great wave. A whale of a swell. Because he was actually riding on the back of a whale!
Says Spyros, ""All of a sudden I just felt, wow, this huge noise and bump, and it lifted my board up. I'm looking down, and there's just swirling water and I see barnacles on the back of the whale. I'm used to dolphins. This was different. It was huge."
Word is that it was likely a juvenile whale, about 15 - 30 feet long. Spyros never saw the mammal till he was gently lifted up by it. He kept his wits about him, though, and didn't even change position - just rode the creature till it went back down under water and swam out to sea, undoubtedly a little bit spooked.
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Supreme Court Justice: Orgies are Beneficial to Society
Justice Antonin Scalia, nominated to the Supreme Court by President Reagan in 1986, has been considered a steadily conservative presence on the bench. So it was quite a surprise to the audience at Harvard University when Scalia explained to them that he takes the position that "sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged."
Stoked by this comment, an audience member then wondered to the Justice "whether you have any gay friends, and, if not, whether you'd like to be my friend."
"I probably do have some gay friends, but I have never pressed the point," Justice Scalia responded.
He did not indicate whether he would like to be the questioner's friend, nor did he detail the benefits of orgies as they relate to social tensions.
Perhaps we should form a study group....
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Link of the Day: Sneaky Shorts! Buy a pair today to wear with your Super Feet!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Oh Waaah.
Michael Strauss went to White Castle in October of 2002 and bought some oh so yummy onion rings. Bit into one, and has happened to only a few billion other people ever in the history of White Castle some *gasp* hot grease splattered on his arm.
So Mikey is suing White Castle to not sell such hot food because he is still - STILL - suffering from 'great pain and anguish in mind and body'.
Something tells me that Mikey REALLY needs to get a life.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Burning Down the House
Leroy Brown of Pine Bluff, Ark, thought his wife was having an affair. So, as any good and spiteful jealous idiotic spouse would do, he set her pants on fire. No, she wasn't in them at the time, but he viewed them as her Sin Pants and wanted them out of the house.
Bummer for Leroy...the fire from the hot pants singed his fingers, so he dropped them. And set his mobile home on fire.
To top it all off - he's now being charged with arson for burning down his own home! HA!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Whale Rider
Spyros Vamvas, a 60 year old surfer dude, was out surfing at Lasuen Beach, CA, Monday morning. He caught a great wave. A whale of a swell. Because he was actually riding on the back of a whale!
Says Spyros, ""All of a sudden I just felt, wow, this huge noise and bump, and it lifted my board up. I'm looking down, and there's just swirling water and I see barnacles on the back of the whale. I'm used to dolphins. This was different. It was huge."
Word is that it was likely a juvenile whale, about 15 - 30 feet long. Spyros never saw the mammal till he was gently lifted up by it. He kept his wits about him, though, and didn't even change position - just rode the creature till it went back down under water and swam out to sea, undoubtedly a little bit spooked.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Supreme Court Justice: Orgies are Beneficial to Society
Justice Antonin Scalia, nominated to the Supreme Court by President Reagan in 1986, has been considered a steadily conservative presence on the bench. So it was quite a surprise to the audience at Harvard University when Scalia explained to them that he takes the position that "sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged."
Stoked by this comment, an audience member then wondered to the Justice "whether you have any gay friends, and, if not, whether you'd like to be my friend."
"I probably do have some gay friends, but I have never pressed the point," Justice Scalia responded.
He did not indicate whether he would like to be the questioner's friend, nor did he detail the benefits of orgies as they relate to social tensions.
Perhaps we should form a study group....
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Link of the day: This is brilliant. an English to English translator. Yes, you key in your phrase or sentence in English and it will present to you an English translation with your grammar, spelling, and style left intact! Useful, or what?!?!?!
http://dict.harlanlandes.com/index.php?base=en
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D'oh!
So this guy in Edmond, OK, was concerned that his wife might not think he was studly enough. So he rounded up a couple of teen-agers and staged a home break in, telling them it was a practical joke.
The two teens donned black ski masks, broke into the home and bound dude's wife with duct tape and locked her in the bathroom. Dude came home (as planned) and scared the guys away, smacking one of them with a two by four (not planned). One of the kids told his mom, mom told the cops, cops got the dude.
Dude's excuse? He wanted his convince his wife that he's a hero.
He's somethin' alright.
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Boff Your Way Buff!
26 year old model Sophie Anderton got really out of shape due to a cocaine addiction. Now she's off the drugs and concentrating on getting back her boffable figure. And what better way than to have strenuous sex?!?!
Sophie is lucky enough to have a supportive boyfriend, Mark Alexiou, who is happy to assist her in meeting her goals. Says Sophie, "I'm looking healthy because I'm off drugs and I'm having lots and lots of great sex...With Mark I have at least one orgasm a day, and often I have three. I have to say the love of a good man has made me so happy. I'm a very lucky girl."
I've been needing to start an exercise program myself...
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Stupid 'Father'
Andy is one confused flamingo. Andy lives in Gloucestershire and has spent the past 2 weeks trying to hatch an egg that he's been caring for with great attention.
Sadly for Andy, he's been sitting on a rock, not an egg. After watching (and mocking) the bird for about 12 days wardens at Andy's wildlife preserve rescued the pebble, replacing it with a wooden replica of a flamingo egg.
So now Andy is trying to hatch a wooden replica of an egg, leaving it alone only for brief times when he gets himself some food.
Vast improvement, eh?
Link of the day: This is brilliant. an English to English translator. Yes, you key in your phrase or sentence in English and it will present to you an English translation with your grammar, spelling, and style left intact! Useful, or what?!?!?!
http://dict.harlanlandes.com/index.php?base=en
**********************
D'oh!
So this guy in Edmond, OK, was concerned that his wife might not think he was studly enough. So he rounded up a couple of teen-agers and staged a home break in, telling them it was a practical joke.
The two teens donned black ski masks, broke into the home and bound dude's wife with duct tape and locked her in the bathroom. Dude came home (as planned) and scared the guys away, smacking one of them with a two by four (not planned). One of the kids told his mom, mom told the cops, cops got the dude.
Dude's excuse? He wanted his convince his wife that he's a hero.
He's somethin' alright.
**********************
Boff Your Way Buff!
26 year old model Sophie Anderton got really out of shape due to a cocaine addiction. Now she's off the drugs and concentrating on getting back her boffable figure. And what better way than to have strenuous sex?!?!
Sophie is lucky enough to have a supportive boyfriend, Mark Alexiou, who is happy to assist her in meeting her goals. Says Sophie, "I'm looking healthy because I'm off drugs and I'm having lots and lots of great sex...With Mark I have at least one orgasm a day, and often I have three. I have to say the love of a good man has made me so happy. I'm a very lucky girl."
I've been needing to start an exercise program myself...
**********************
Stupid 'Father'
Andy is one confused flamingo. Andy lives in Gloucestershire and has spent the past 2 weeks trying to hatch an egg that he's been caring for with great attention.
Sadly for Andy, he's been sitting on a rock, not an egg. After watching (and mocking) the bird for about 12 days wardens at Andy's wildlife preserve rescued the pebble, replacing it with a wooden replica of a flamingo egg.
So now Andy is trying to hatch a wooden replica of an egg, leaving it alone only for brief times when he gets himself some food.
Vast improvement, eh?
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.
19 year old Pawel Banaszek somehow ended up across the train tracks in August of 2003. Some say he was beaten up and dragged onto the rails. Som say he was lying there for other,more personal reasons. No matter WHY he was there, Pawel was lying across the track when a big old train came slamming through and BAM ran over him and paralyzed him.
Now Poland's state railway is demanding that Pawel compensate them for the delay in services that were a result of his being run over by their train.
So dude gets run over. Paralyzed. By a friggin train. And now they're billing him for that priviledge.
The good news is, they might decide not to collect all the money from Pawel.
Cause his house just burned down.
Rough year. And he's still a teenager! Woof.
19 year old Pawel Banaszek somehow ended up across the train tracks in August of 2003. Some say he was beaten up and dragged onto the rails. Som say he was lying there for other,more personal reasons. No matter WHY he was there, Pawel was lying across the track when a big old train came slamming through and BAM ran over him and paralyzed him.
Now Poland's state railway is demanding that Pawel compensate them for the delay in services that were a result of his being run over by their train.
So dude gets run over. Paralyzed. By a friggin train. And now they're billing him for that priviledge.
The good news is, they might decide not to collect all the money from Pawel.
Cause his house just burned down.
Rough year. And he's still a teenager! Woof.
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Link of the day: Find your calling as an evil henchman! http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/henchman.htm
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OH NO! It's starting early!!!!!!!!!
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/09/28/california.quake.ap/index.html
I hope you all have your aluminum foil beanies ready. September 29th and the alien invasion are right around the proverbial corner, and I've had no updates regarding the progress of our Resistance Forces.
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Gang, I have no time whatsoever for a coherent and timely missive today. My apologies. However, I DO have the results of a fine scientific experiment conducted here at the office yesterday. Read and be amazed. Bummer I don't have photos.
The Great Candy Experiment
Thanks to all who were involved in yesterday's fun human nature experiment, brainchild of Lord Mutter.
Observation: People enjoy partaking of candy that is presented to them in an open manner. People do not feel comfortable taking candy that is not presented in an open manner.
Question: What will happen when people who often partake of freely presented candies are faced with similar candies in a less inviting condition?
Mutter-pothesis: People will become confused and frustrated by seeing an unopened bag of chocolates next to a nearly empty candy bowl. And, most importantly, it will be funny.
Experiment: This tester purchased 14 lbs of assorted chocolatey candy. Placed sealed bags in clear view of subjects. Placed most tantalizing bag immediately next to candy bowl. In candy bowl, placed single piece of undesireable candy (ex: sweettart lollipop).
Analysis: During the 8 hour testing window, there were an estimated 45 attempts by various test subjects to obtain candy from the traditional spot. Within those attempts, there were 13 overt mentions of the candy configuration, but no earnest attempts to violate social norms by opening the sealed bag of candy. Intensity of frustration levels appeared to peak between 1:50 and 2:50 pm (much to this tester's surprise. It was expected that the peak would occur around 3pm).
Subjects generally would attempt to obtain candy 2 times, quitting after the second failed attempt. 4 subjects made greater than two approaches to the candy. These subjects were categorized as either more stressed or simply dim.
---Three attempts were made to steal the sealed bag of candy.
---1 polite request for candy was made, making use of the 'please' word. Tester rewarded subject with surreptitious passing of a snickers bar, and oath of silence.
--- 1 demand for the opening of candy bags was made. When refused, attempt to steal candy was witnessed
--- Two offers of cash for benefits were made. Most impressive offer, received at 1:50:53pm:
"I'm willing to put money in the hopper but only if I get some chocolate"
There was a marked drop in the morale of test subjects after the 3pm hour.
The test concluded at approximately 5:30pm when Lord Mutter declared the test a success and of high entertainment value, and opened a bag of candy. One subject was verbally enthusiastic upon said opening.
Conclusion: As usual, Lord Mutter was right. It was funny. For me, at least.
Link of the day: Find your calling as an evil henchman! http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/henchman.htm
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OH NO! It's starting early!!!!!!!!!
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/09/28/california.quake.ap/index.html
I hope you all have your aluminum foil beanies ready. September 29th and the alien invasion are right around the proverbial corner, and I've had no updates regarding the progress of our Resistance Forces.
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Gang, I have no time whatsoever for a coherent and timely missive today. My apologies. However, I DO have the results of a fine scientific experiment conducted here at the office yesterday. Read and be amazed. Bummer I don't have photos.
The Great Candy Experiment
Thanks to all who were involved in yesterday's fun human nature experiment, brainchild of Lord Mutter.
Observation: People enjoy partaking of candy that is presented to them in an open manner. People do not feel comfortable taking candy that is not presented in an open manner.
Question: What will happen when people who often partake of freely presented candies are faced with similar candies in a less inviting condition?
Mutter-pothesis: People will become confused and frustrated by seeing an unopened bag of chocolates next to a nearly empty candy bowl. And, most importantly, it will be funny.
Experiment: This tester purchased 14 lbs of assorted chocolatey candy. Placed sealed bags in clear view of subjects. Placed most tantalizing bag immediately next to candy bowl. In candy bowl, placed single piece of undesireable candy (ex: sweettart lollipop).
Analysis: During the 8 hour testing window, there were an estimated 45 attempts by various test subjects to obtain candy from the traditional spot. Within those attempts, there were 13 overt mentions of the candy configuration, but no earnest attempts to violate social norms by opening the sealed bag of candy. Intensity of frustration levels appeared to peak between 1:50 and 2:50 pm (much to this tester's surprise. It was expected that the peak would occur around 3pm).
Subjects generally would attempt to obtain candy 2 times, quitting after the second failed attempt. 4 subjects made greater than two approaches to the candy. These subjects were categorized as either more stressed or simply dim.
---Three attempts were made to steal the sealed bag of candy.
---1 polite request for candy was made, making use of the 'please' word. Tester rewarded subject with surreptitious passing of a snickers bar, and oath of silence.
--- 1 demand for the opening of candy bags was made. When refused, attempt to steal candy was witnessed
--- Two offers of cash for benefits were made. Most impressive offer, received at 1:50:53pm:
"I'm willing to put money in the hopper but only if I get some chocolate"
There was a marked drop in the morale of test subjects after the 3pm hour.
The test concluded at approximately 5:30pm when Lord Mutter declared the test a success and of high entertainment value, and opened a bag of candy. One subject was verbally enthusiastic upon said opening.
Conclusion: As usual, Lord Mutter was right. It was funny. For me, at least.
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With all the ruckus about GW vs JK, people seem to be forgetting that there are more than just the two running for pres of this fine country. I have found MY champion. Join me, and Vote Harry Bottoms!
http://www.voteharrybottoms.com/main.html
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Note: T-2 days till the beginning of the end of the world.
I hope you all have your aluminum foil beanies ready. September 29th and the alien invasion are right around the proverbial corner, and I've had no updates regarding the progress of our Resistance Forces.
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Dude Should Play the Lottery
Jorge Marquez from Cuba has an electric personality. He was just struck by lightning: for the fifth time since 1982. Jorge is a farm worker in San Manuel and apparently has a tendency to stay out in the fields during severe weather.
Surprisingly, the strikes feel differently. Sometimes, "I feel like something very cold enters my body," says Jorge. Other times, "as if I'm a hot iron being immersed in cold water."
Thinker that he is, though, he has been able to minimize the destruction fraught upon him when struck. Heck, the first time, he had his hair burnt and his fillings all blew out of his teeth. Now, when he feels the strike a-comin', he grabs a piece of rubber to cut down on the intensity of the hit. Says Jorge, "I don't trust my luck anymore. As soon as it starts to rain I look for some isolating material. I don't want to go through it a sixth time!"
And here my mom always just told us to run back to the house. Silly.
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Smoke Free Environment
So you already cannot smoke in public establishments in San Francisco. Now the powers that be have decided that perhaps you shouldn't be allowed to smoke outside either. Michela Alioto-Pier has proposed a law that would ban "inhaling, exhaling, burning or carrying any lighted smoking equipment for tobacco or any other weed or plant" in any outdoor recreation areas.
Thus effectively restricting smoking to one's home or car with the windows shut tight.
Mmmmm yummy!
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Shark Info for the Unenlightened
So I was excited to see that a Great White Shark is swimming about the shallow waters of Cape Cod...I mean, how cool is that? Noted in reports is the hope that the sharky finds its way back to open waters by itself, else researchers may try to drive it out to sea. Little did I know the history of such an activity.
As explained to me by Harold "I never met a fish I didn't like" Friedline: "
This is known as the Great Atlantic Shark Drives. Sharkboys ride high in the saddle on their seahorses and with a lusty cry of, "Yippie-yi-yo-ahoy," they drive the errant sharks to market. There they have a whale of a time. They squander all the sand-dollars they've earned at the sand-bar drinking Rusty Snails and chasing after anything that smells like fish. "
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Now That's a Big Fungus
Scientists have discovered Europe's biggest mushroom in a Swiss national park near the Ofenpass. They have confirmed that the 1,000 year old shroom which measures 800 by 500 meters is, in fact, one big fungus.
The only bigger shroom known to man exists in our very own United States and covers a surface area of 9 sq km and weighs about 600 tons. Note: I've tried to find additional info on the giant US growth, and cannot confirm where exactly it exists. Due to limited editing time, I am looking to my readership for this info. First one who tells me the answer, with appropriate supporting info, will gain my eternal gratitude. Limited time offer.
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Lone woman gets own voting station in India
In the Indian village of Miao there is one registered voter, that being 26 year old Manjulikh Chakma. And she plans to vote in the state elections on October 7.
In order to make it legal and right in the eyes of the government, a staff of 14 poll workers and guards are therefore going to trek for 6 hours through the jungle to reach her. They will set up the polling place, and they will sit there from 7 am until 4pm when voting officially ends.
I just hope she remembers to Get Out The Vote.
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With all the ruckus about GW vs JK, people seem to be forgetting that there are more than just the two running for pres of this fine country. I have found MY champion. Join me, and Vote Harry Bottoms!
http://www.voteharrybottoms.com/main.html
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Note: T-2 days till the beginning of the end of the world.
I hope you all have your aluminum foil beanies ready. September 29th and the alien invasion are right around the proverbial corner, and I've had no updates regarding the progress of our Resistance Forces.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Dude Should Play the Lottery
Jorge Marquez from Cuba has an electric personality. He was just struck by lightning: for the fifth time since 1982. Jorge is a farm worker in San Manuel and apparently has a tendency to stay out in the fields during severe weather.
Surprisingly, the strikes feel differently. Sometimes, "I feel like something very cold enters my body," says Jorge. Other times, "as if I'm a hot iron being immersed in cold water."
Thinker that he is, though, he has been able to minimize the destruction fraught upon him when struck. Heck, the first time, he had his hair burnt and his fillings all blew out of his teeth. Now, when he feels the strike a-comin', he grabs a piece of rubber to cut down on the intensity of the hit. Says Jorge, "I don't trust my luck anymore. As soon as it starts to rain I look for some isolating material. I don't want to go through it a sixth time!"
And here my mom always just told us to run back to the house. Silly.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Smoke Free Environment
So you already cannot smoke in public establishments in San Francisco. Now the powers that be have decided that perhaps you shouldn't be allowed to smoke outside either. Michela Alioto-Pier has proposed a law that would ban "inhaling, exhaling, burning or carrying any lighted smoking equipment for tobacco or any other weed or plant" in any outdoor recreation areas.
Thus effectively restricting smoking to one's home or car with the windows shut tight.
Mmmmm yummy!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Shark Info for the Unenlightened
So I was excited to see that a Great White Shark is swimming about the shallow waters of Cape Cod...I mean, how cool is that? Noted in reports is the hope that the sharky finds its way back to open waters by itself, else researchers may try to drive it out to sea. Little did I know the history of such an activity.
As explained to me by Harold "I never met a fish I didn't like" Friedline: "
This is known as the Great Atlantic Shark Drives. Sharkboys ride high in the saddle on their seahorses and with a lusty cry of, "Yippie-yi-yo-ahoy," they drive the errant sharks to market. There they have a whale of a time. They squander all the sand-dollars they've earned at the sand-bar drinking Rusty Snails and chasing after anything that smells like fish. "
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Now That's a Big Fungus
Scientists have discovered Europe's biggest mushroom in a Swiss national park near the Ofenpass. They have confirmed that the 1,000 year old shroom which measures 800 by 500 meters is, in fact, one big fungus.
The only bigger shroom known to man exists in our very own United States and covers a surface area of 9 sq km and weighs about 600 tons. Note: I've tried to find additional info on the giant US growth, and cannot confirm where exactly it exists. Due to limited editing time, I am looking to my readership for this info. First one who tells me the answer, with appropriate supporting info, will gain my eternal gratitude. Limited time offer.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Lone woman gets own voting station in India
In the Indian village of Miao there is one registered voter, that being 26 year old Manjulikh Chakma. And she plans to vote in the state elections on October 7.
In order to make it legal and right in the eyes of the government, a staff of 14 poll workers and guards are therefore going to trek for 6 hours through the jungle to reach her. They will set up the polling place, and they will sit there from 7 am until 4pm when voting officially ends.
I just hope she remembers to Get Out The Vote.
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