Daily Drivel

Heartfelt apologies extended to all who may have noticed not having been spammed by me for the past couple of weeks. I have been reprimanded and have learned my lesson. I am soooooooo sorry for letting you down, and for not allowing you the few moments of distraction per day to revel in the stupidity of others. I shall repent. I am sooooooo sorry. Sorry. So so sorry.

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Today in History: Feb 18 2001: Race car driver Dale Earnhardt crashes into the wall at the Daytona 500, killing him instantly and causing shockwaves of disbelief and mourning throughout the land.

Also, some years prior, a somewhat more traumatizing event: Feb 18 1933: Yoko Ono was born.

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Link of the Day: News you can Use: How to make a bologna sandwich: http://www.brunching.com/idiotsandwich.html

Oh, and I found this the other day: Why John Kerry lost the election: http://www.livejournal.com/users/zete_tic/329.html

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Drive By Mime Arrested

David Honan was miming about in York, pretending to be a Ferrari Formula 1 car. Wearing a silly Ferrari uniform and holding a steering wheel, Davey ran around in the streets making stupid people laugh.

Now the cops are laughing: they managed to arrest Davey for causing an obstruction per the Highways Act.

Dave is aghast. His official statement: "What's the world coming too if you can get arrested in a shopping precinct for pretending to be a car?"

Really.

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Get Thee To A Nunnery!

12 young hot nuns kicked their habits for a while, hopping onto the Club 18-30 holiday tour without telling Ma Superior where they were headed. The 22 to 31 year old nuns tossed their robes and drank the days and nights away during the 2 week fun time sleeping around with a total of approximately 43 men.

They got back, and because lying is wrong, told Ma Superior that yes, indeed, they had been slutty whores for the past couple of weeks.

Their excuse? They wanted a taste of sin.

That'll be 10 Our Fathers...

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Gum Etiquette

FYI: if you have finished your gum, and can't find a trash can, and you aim to adhere to Halacha, or Jewish Law, you should just swallow the gum. This according to Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu, the rabbi of the holy city of Safed. Don't just stick it under a table or something: even though nobody else sees it, "God knows" where it is.

Of course, if you're REALLY a good human, you won't chew gum at all. According to Shmuel: "Chewing gum is the practice of lower forms of life. It expresses inner tension and lack of control. People with self-respect do not chew gum except on special occasions because of special circumstances."

And then they swallow.

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Cookie Issue Still Crumbling

Remember hearing about Taylor Ostergaard and her friend Lindsey Jo Zellitti, the evil girls who left a plate of cookies on a woman's porch last July? How they were sued by the nasty woman who lives there because said woman got all freaked out, had an anxiety attack, and wound up in the hospital? How they were ordered by the court to pay $930 in medical bills for the paranoid wench? All 'cause they were being nice and leaving cookies for the woman?

Well, now Dick Ostergaard, Taylor's dad, has filed a restraining order against the nutcase woman's husband who has been making harassing phone calls to Taylor's house.

Seems hubby is upset that his wife hasn't been able to return to her job at Wal-Mart or retain her seat on the board of the local food bank because people are mocking her for her stupidity. She's received tons of crank calls, and truckloads of packages from strangers: many containing cookies or cookie crumbs. "They've robbed us of our laughter. My spirit, my soul, is damaged."

So he harasses Taylor's family because, again, it's all about the cookies. Those damned evil cookies. Surely it's not that his wife is just an idiot.....

Hee hee

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Penguins can stay gay

The Bremerhaven Zoo is no longer going to try to break up the gay penguin couples I reported on about a week ago. These are the 3 couples that have been having trouble producing offspring, primarily because all parties are male. Bremerhaven Zoo shipped in some hot Swedish penguins to get the party started. Word is that the penguins weren't all that interested in the newcomers. But that's not why the zoo is stopping their attempts.

The zoo is stopping the 'experiment' not because it looks kind of doomed, but rather because of a large number of protests from gay rights groups against the "organized and forced harassment through female seductresses".

After all, penguins are people too!