Friday, April 23, 2004
Today in History: April 23, 1348: The first English Order of Knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter.
Also: April 23, 1985 On this fateful day, Coca-Cola introduced *shudder* New Coke.
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Jump the Shark!
Gary Dodunski, his daughter Michelle, and buddy Shane Goble had a cool experience when fishing off the coast of New Plymouth, NZ. Shane was trying to land a fish he had on his line when all of a sudden a 5 1/2 metre Great White Shark leaped from the water and slammed into the side of the boat - a boat that was smaller than the shark, mind you. The shark chomped up Shane's catch, "Then it grabbed Michelle's fish, but spat it out," according to Shane. The big fish then lay on the edge of the boat for a bit, rolling its eyes in that sharky way they do, and then slipped back into the water.
The wise sailors then zipped away from the fishing spot.
Word has it this is the 2nd Great White attack off New Plymouth in the past few weeks. A couple of weeks ago, a Great White tore a seal apart in front of a boatload of tourists on a sightseeing trip.
Yum! Wonder if this will be another Summer of the Sharks like in 2001?
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Rooster Defense
Manuel Urbina, a creative defense attorney defending Francisco Armando Rivera against charges of possession of 67.3kg of cocaine, is arguing that in fact the narcotics were in the possession of Rivera's rooster and two hens, not Rivera. Rivera was arrested and charged with possession when police found the cocaine and a revolver hidden in a cage that housed a fighting rooster and 2 hens at a cockfighting den. But Urbina says Rivera never was actually in possession of the drugs. The birds owned it.
“The drugs were in the possession of a rooster and two hens and the law is very clear that whoever is in possession of the drugs is the one who should be accused,” Urbina said.
Well, I say give him an A for effort! Now where's my copy of My Cousin Vinny?
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Hey, if you're in Painesville OH this Saturday, and you swing by an adult video store with a teenager blindfolded in front of it, don't be concerned. It's not some new fetish advertisement. It is instead Jeremy Sherwood serving his sentence for stealing adult videos from the shop. He was given the option by Judge Michael Cicconetti of either serving 30 days in jail or standing blindfolded in front of the video store (and thus being able to graduate from high school).
Those crazy Ohioans.
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Say It Isn't So! Cruel and Unusual Punishment
Universitatea Craiova, a Romanian soccer team, has been advised that they must win in their game this weekend or else. Or else what? Or else they'll all have to sit through either a classical music concert or a ballet.
Well, at least they don't all have to stand outside a porn shop in blindfolds.
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Also: April 23, 1985 On this fateful day, Coca-Cola introduced *shudder* New Coke.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jump the Shark!
Gary Dodunski, his daughter Michelle, and buddy Shane Goble had a cool experience when fishing off the coast of New Plymouth, NZ. Shane was trying to land a fish he had on his line when all of a sudden a 5 1/2 metre Great White Shark leaped from the water and slammed into the side of the boat - a boat that was smaller than the shark, mind you. The shark chomped up Shane's catch, "Then it grabbed Michelle's fish, but spat it out," according to Shane. The big fish then lay on the edge of the boat for a bit, rolling its eyes in that sharky way they do, and then slipped back into the water.
The wise sailors then zipped away from the fishing spot.
Word has it this is the 2nd Great White attack off New Plymouth in the past few weeks. A couple of weeks ago, a Great White tore a seal apart in front of a boatload of tourists on a sightseeing trip.
Yum! Wonder if this will be another Summer of the Sharks like in 2001?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Rooster Defense
Manuel Urbina, a creative defense attorney defending Francisco Armando Rivera against charges of possession of 67.3kg of cocaine, is arguing that in fact the narcotics were in the possession of Rivera's rooster and two hens, not Rivera. Rivera was arrested and charged with possession when police found the cocaine and a revolver hidden in a cage that housed a fighting rooster and 2 hens at a cockfighting den. But Urbina says Rivera never was actually in possession of the drugs. The birds owned it.
“The drugs were in the possession of a rooster and two hens and the law is very clear that whoever is in possession of the drugs is the one who should be accused,” Urbina said.
Well, I say give him an A for effort! Now where's my copy of My Cousin Vinny?
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Hey, if you're in Painesville OH this Saturday, and you swing by an adult video store with a teenager blindfolded in front of it, don't be concerned. It's not some new fetish advertisement. It is instead Jeremy Sherwood serving his sentence for stealing adult videos from the shop. He was given the option by Judge Michael Cicconetti of either serving 30 days in jail or standing blindfolded in front of the video store (and thus being able to graduate from high school).
Those crazy Ohioans.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Say It Isn't So! Cruel and Unusual Punishment
Universitatea Craiova, a Romanian soccer team, has been advised that they must win in their game this weekend or else. Or else what? Or else they'll all have to sit through either a classical music concert or a ballet.
Well, at least they don't all have to stand outside a porn shop in blindfolds.
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
Today in History: April 22, 1978 - John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd made their first appearance as The Blues Brothers on NBC's "Saturday Night Live."
Also, on this day in 1993 - The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington, DC. If you have never been there, I strongly recommend going through. A very intense experience there.
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Holy All-Beef Tamales, Batman!
Carlos Machuca, a Mexican tamale-maker, may have been using special ingredients in his tamales of late. Ingredients like HIS FRIEND'S ROTTING CORPSE! Carlos and one of his drinking buddies had a fight sometime recently, and Carlos stabbed his friend through the heart and killed him. Cops checking out complaints found Carlos simmering up body parts and herbs in aluminum saucepans, possibly to make something tasty. "We saw the flesh and the tamales, and our first impression was that he was making tamales with the flesh of the deceased, although it has yet to be confirmed," Lorena Cortes, a spokeswoman for Michoacan state prosecutors, said.
Mmmmmm...yummy!
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Speaking of Chicken...this is just weird.
subservient chicken
Burger King has moved on a bit from the paper king crowns. They've moved into...Subservient Chicken. Go to the link provided above. There you will see a guy in a chicken suit standing in the middle of an apartment or house somewhere in chicken land. You can tell him what to do (within reason) and, well, it looks like he's doing it. It's very strange. And oddly...fun.
Burger King is thinking that this website will remind people that they can 'have it your way' at burger king. Because they can make a man in a chicken suit bite his toes (I did that one). It's very edgy and hip..."It's big-huge," says Blake Lewis, a Burger King spokesman.
I don't know if it will make me eat at Burger King, but it sure is different.
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Bluffs man cited for annoying squirrel
Billy Gates (18) from Council Bluffs, Omaha NE, is in big trouble. Police are saying that he "did release his animal with the intent to annoy, worry, maim, injure or kill the squirrel." Sadly for Billy, you're not allowed to "annoy, worry, maim, injure or kill the squirrel" in Council Bluffs. That includes anything that might upset the rodent. So Billy was fined $325 and told not to bug the squirrel again.
The squirrel had no comment on the matter.
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Also, on this day in 1993 - The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington, DC. If you have never been there, I strongly recommend going through. A very intense experience there.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Holy All-Beef Tamales, Batman!
Carlos Machuca, a Mexican tamale-maker, may have been using special ingredients in his tamales of late. Ingredients like HIS FRIEND'S ROTTING CORPSE! Carlos and one of his drinking buddies had a fight sometime recently, and Carlos stabbed his friend through the heart and killed him. Cops checking out complaints found Carlos simmering up body parts and herbs in aluminum saucepans, possibly to make something tasty. "We saw the flesh and the tamales, and our first impression was that he was making tamales with the flesh of the deceased, although it has yet to be confirmed," Lorena Cortes, a spokeswoman for Michoacan state prosecutors, said.
Mmmmmm...yummy!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Speaking of Chicken...this is just weird.
subservient chicken
Burger King has moved on a bit from the paper king crowns. They've moved into...Subservient Chicken. Go to the link provided above. There you will see a guy in a chicken suit standing in the middle of an apartment or house somewhere in chicken land. You can tell him what to do (within reason) and, well, it looks like he's doing it. It's very strange. And oddly...fun.
Burger King is thinking that this website will remind people that they can 'have it your way' at burger king. Because they can make a man in a chicken suit bite his toes (I did that one). It's very edgy and hip..."It's big-huge," says Blake Lewis, a Burger King spokesman.
I don't know if it will make me eat at Burger King, but it sure is different.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Bluffs man cited for annoying squirrel
Billy Gates (18) from Council Bluffs, Omaha NE, is in big trouble. Police are saying that he "did release his animal with the intent to annoy, worry, maim, injure or kill the squirrel." Sadly for Billy, you're not allowed to "annoy, worry, maim, injure or kill the squirrel" in Council Bluffs. That includes anything that might upset the rodent. So Billy was fined $325 and told not to bug the squirrel again.
The squirrel had no comment on the matter.
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Today in history: April 21,1986 - Showing his true investigative reporting talents at their best, Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that belonged to Al Capone at the Lexington Hotel in Chicago. Nothing of interest was found inside.
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Skywatcher alert:
http://spaceweather.com
Earth is passing through a stream of dusty debris from Comet Thatcher, the source of the annual Lyrid meteor shower. The best time to look is during the hours before dawn on Thursday, April 22nd, when the shower peaks. Lyrids appear to stream from the vicinity of the bright blue star Vega in the constellation Lyra high in the northern sky. This is not an intense shower, but some years it is pretty: northern sky watchers typically see between 5 and 25 meteors per hour.
Visit Spaceweather.com for more information and a sky map
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Batman and Robin fighting crime - in Whitley
--ananova
Two mystery men dressed as Batman and Robin have been fighting crime and saving damsels in distress in a small English town.
The pair have been spotted springing into action a number of times in recent weeks on the streets of Whitley, near Reading.
The Reading Evening Post asked readers for news of the duo after they dealt with a pair of streakers at a local football cup final.
And the newspaper was besieged with calls from residents who claimed to have seen the 'superheroes' in action.
Michelle Kirby was stranded when her Peugeot 206 ran out of petrol on Easter Sunday - until Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere and pushed her car to the nearest petrol station.
She said: "They just appeared. I saw them running down the road in Batman and Robin outfits - I was laughing so much.
"It was like a scene out of Only Fools and Horses and they stayed in character the whole time.
"They said, "I'm Batman, I'm Robin" and I said, "No, you're not" and asked them if they were going to a fancy dress party but they said they were going back to Gotham City."
Ray Cox, 61, spotted the caped crusaders at about 11.30am after doing his morning shopping.
"I said to my wife, it would make it a better and safer place with these men," he said. "Batman was quite a broad chap. They would scare a few muggers off and I'd feel safer in Whitley."
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Tastes Just Like Chicken
Chukwu Christian is one tough landlord. During a scuffle with an unidentified former tenant in Nigeria, Chukwu bit off the tenant's nose! Chukwu says he doesn't remember doing that, specifically.
His statement: "I didn't bite him. He wounded me. I didn't know how he managed to get his own injury, but it might be that I wounded him unknowingly. I regret the incident ," he added.
*****************************
Aero Bar Follow up.
So they found the folks who wrote "Shit Bar" in the 'best before date' area on the Nestle Aero bars in York (UK). They've been fired for their misdeeds, but the union is going to appeal the dismissal since none of the 'offending bars' had left the factory before someone discovered the...uh...typo.
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Australian man sues television channel over Prime Suspect language
In another 'oh my virgin ears' lawsuit, Andre van der Linden, an Australian evangelical Christian, is suing a television station after an episode of a show called Prime Suspect used "Jesus Christ" as a swear word. Declaring angrily that this has insulted "hundreds of thousands of Christian believers, Andre demands that the blasphemous words must be bleeped out in the future.
I had no idea that hundreds of thousands of Christians watch Prime Suspect. I wonder if it's syndicated?
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Moopor Has a Bone to Pick with PM
An angry aboriginal woman known as Moopor confronted Prime Minister John Howard yesterday and, tossing back her possum skin ensemble, pointeda 2.5cm kangaroo bone at him, thus placing a silent curse upon him. So now he has his choice: he can be 'enlightened' by the curse and help the aboriginies and be fine OR he can choose to ignore the message of the bone. Should he choose the latter, he will be under a curse until the next federal election and who knows what nastiness may befall him.
Howard's response: "I will deal with the matter calmly."
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***************************
Skywatcher alert:
http://spaceweather.com
Earth is passing through a stream of dusty debris from Comet Thatcher, the source of the annual Lyrid meteor shower. The best time to look is during the hours before dawn on Thursday, April 22nd, when the shower peaks. Lyrids appear to stream from the vicinity of the bright blue star Vega in the constellation Lyra high in the northern sky. This is not an intense shower, but some years it is pretty: northern sky watchers typically see between 5 and 25 meteors per hour.
Visit Spaceweather.com for more information and a sky map
****************************
Batman and Robin fighting crime - in Whitley
--ananova
Two mystery men dressed as Batman and Robin have been fighting crime and saving damsels in distress in a small English town.
The pair have been spotted springing into action a number of times in recent weeks on the streets of Whitley, near Reading.
The Reading Evening Post asked readers for news of the duo after they dealt with a pair of streakers at a local football cup final.
And the newspaper was besieged with calls from residents who claimed to have seen the 'superheroes' in action.
Michelle Kirby was stranded when her Peugeot 206 ran out of petrol on Easter Sunday - until Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere and pushed her car to the nearest petrol station.
She said: "They just appeared. I saw them running down the road in Batman and Robin outfits - I was laughing so much.
"It was like a scene out of Only Fools and Horses and they stayed in character the whole time.
"They said, "I'm Batman, I'm Robin" and I said, "No, you're not" and asked them if they were going to a fancy dress party but they said they were going back to Gotham City."
Ray Cox, 61, spotted the caped crusaders at about 11.30am after doing his morning shopping.
"I said to my wife, it would make it a better and safer place with these men," he said. "Batman was quite a broad chap. They would scare a few muggers off and I'd feel safer in Whitley."
***************************************
Tastes Just Like Chicken
Chukwu Christian is one tough landlord. During a scuffle with an unidentified former tenant in Nigeria, Chukwu bit off the tenant's nose! Chukwu says he doesn't remember doing that, specifically.
His statement: "I didn't bite him. He wounded me. I didn't know how he managed to get his own injury, but it might be that I wounded him unknowingly. I regret the incident ," he added.
*****************************
Aero Bar Follow up.
So they found the folks who wrote "Shit Bar" in the 'best before date' area on the Nestle Aero bars in York (UK). They've been fired for their misdeeds, but the union is going to appeal the dismissal since none of the 'offending bars' had left the factory before someone discovered the...uh...typo.
*****************************
Australian man sues television channel over Prime Suspect language
In another 'oh my virgin ears' lawsuit, Andre van der Linden, an Australian evangelical Christian, is suing a television station after an episode of a show called Prime Suspect used "Jesus Christ" as a swear word. Declaring angrily that this has insulted "hundreds of thousands of Christian believers, Andre demands that the blasphemous words must be bleeped out in the future.
I had no idea that hundreds of thousands of Christians watch Prime Suspect. I wonder if it's syndicated?
**************************
Moopor Has a Bone to Pick with PM
An angry aboriginal woman known as Moopor confronted Prime Minister John Howard yesterday and, tossing back her possum skin ensemble, pointeda 2.5cm kangaroo bone at him, thus placing a silent curse upon him. So now he has his choice: he can be 'enlightened' by the curse and help the aboriginies and be fine OR he can choose to ignore the message of the bone. Should he choose the latter, he will be under a curse until the next federal election and who knows what nastiness may befall him.
Howard's response: "I will deal with the matter calmly."
**************************
Monday, April 19, 2004
Today in History: Apr 19 1993 More than 80 Branch Davidians burn to death in Waco, Texas as the FBI stages a disastrous final assault on their compound. This brings a sudden end to the 51-day siege.
And I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention...Apr 19 1995 Timothy McVeigh kills 168 Oklahomans when his truck bomb detonates in front of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building.
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Mom sues Coors over son's death in accident
19 year old Ryan Pisco drank some Coors beer at a party and slammed his girlfriend's car into a light pole, resulting in his ultimate demise. Sad and tragic, yes. However, his mom believes that she has good reason to sue Coors Brewing Company. She states that it promotes underage drinking and therefore is responsible for Ryan's death. She also is suing Ryan's girlfriend ('cause she let him drive the car) and Ryan's girlfriend's mother (because she gave her daughter the car). She is not, however, suing the trucking company that delivered the beer to the package store, nor is she suing the package store, the sales person, the company that paved the parking lot where the purchaser parked....
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Hey, Gang, Let's Promote Censorship!!!
Steven M. Weinstock is angry and offended, and he wants the world to know it! Steven just became aware of the fact that if one types 'Jew' in googlesearch, the search engine will direct the viewer to jewwatch.com, a site "Keeping a close watch on Jewish communities & organizations worldwide", purportedly with links to anti-Semitic research and such. (I checked it out and only found a banner page, but hey...let's be offended anyway, eh?)
Never mind the fact that it's been out there since 2001, and that google has a wholly objective hits-based ranking system for their top links (with the exception of kiddie porn, pedophilia and such illegal schtuff). Steven is mad. So he's sent out one of those chain emails asking people to assist him in forcing google to start censoring itself. Steven thinks that if he gets 50,000 people to beg google to remove that link the world will be a better place. (Never mind the fact that 50,000 is a magical number he made up and would not impact things anyway).
Google is standing by its policies. "We find this result offensive, but the objectivity of our ranking function prevents us from making any changes," said David Krane, a Google spokesman.
Steven can likely solve his problem by unplugging his computer and continuing to live in his homogenized world where everyone thinks just like him and he never ever is offended.
Here's some advice - whatcha do when you find that a link offends you is hit the freakin' back-button! Sheesh!
******************************
It's Not What it Looks Like, I Swear!
Anthony Jablonowski, 69, has been sentenced to between 15 months and 7 years in prison as a result of what HE says was simply spiritual actions he took in the past with young men, back in the days when he was a Catholic priest. Specifically, he would take said men to the church basement and ask them to strip naked. Then in a highly reverent manner (undoubtedly), he would gag them, blindfold them, hang them upside down from the ceiling, and then manipulate their you-know-whats in a pain-inducing manner as they prayed.
Anthony says he can't talk about the rituals, what with the whole confidentiality thing involved in prayer and confession. Especially when hanging buck naked from the ceiling. His lawyer states that this wasn't sexual in nature, but rather a form of penance and redemptive suffering. "There are certain things that happen which are not sexual but could be interpreted that way," the lawyer said in statements to the press.
Oh, in case you're wondering, no - Anthony is not a priest anymore. Just a prisoner.
*********************************
Licorice Claim Whipped
Margit Kieske, 48, tried to jump on the litigious band wagon, but was pushed off by some judges who actually have common sense. See, Margit had been eating a pound of licorice every day for four months, and then developed heart problems presumably from ingestion of glycyrrhizin contained in said confection.
Margit figured that it must be candy maker Haribo's fault that she developed the heart problems because they didn't warn her that she shouldn't eat a pound of licorice per day. Judges determined that there was no error in the product labels and rejected the case.
**********************************
And I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention...Apr 19 1995 Timothy McVeigh kills 168 Oklahomans when his truck bomb detonates in front of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building.
*****************************
Mom sues Coors over son's death in accident
19 year old Ryan Pisco drank some Coors beer at a party and slammed his girlfriend's car into a light pole, resulting in his ultimate demise. Sad and tragic, yes. However, his mom believes that she has good reason to sue Coors Brewing Company. She states that it promotes underage drinking and therefore is responsible for Ryan's death. She also is suing Ryan's girlfriend ('cause she let him drive the car) and Ryan's girlfriend's mother (because she gave her daughter the car). She is not, however, suing the trucking company that delivered the beer to the package store, nor is she suing the package store, the sales person, the company that paved the parking lot where the purchaser parked....
******************************
Hey, Gang, Let's Promote Censorship!!!
Steven M. Weinstock is angry and offended, and he wants the world to know it! Steven just became aware of the fact that if one types 'Jew' in googlesearch, the search engine will direct the viewer to jewwatch.com, a site "Keeping a close watch on Jewish communities & organizations worldwide", purportedly with links to anti-Semitic research and such. (I checked it out and only found a banner page, but hey...let's be offended anyway, eh?)
Never mind the fact that it's been out there since 2001, and that google has a wholly objective hits-based ranking system for their top links (with the exception of kiddie porn, pedophilia and such illegal schtuff). Steven is mad. So he's sent out one of those chain emails asking people to assist him in forcing google to start censoring itself. Steven thinks that if he gets 50,000 people to beg google to remove that link the world will be a better place. (Never mind the fact that 50,000 is a magical number he made up and would not impact things anyway).
Google is standing by its policies. "We find this result offensive, but the objectivity of our ranking function prevents us from making any changes," said David Krane, a Google spokesman.
Steven can likely solve his problem by unplugging his computer and continuing to live in his homogenized world where everyone thinks just like him and he never ever is offended.
Here's some advice - whatcha do when you find that a link offends you is hit the freakin' back-button! Sheesh!
******************************
It's Not What it Looks Like, I Swear!
Anthony Jablonowski, 69, has been sentenced to between 15 months and 7 years in prison as a result of what HE says was simply spiritual actions he took in the past with young men, back in the days when he was a Catholic priest. Specifically, he would take said men to the church basement and ask them to strip naked. Then in a highly reverent manner (undoubtedly), he would gag them, blindfold them, hang them upside down from the ceiling, and then manipulate their you-know-whats in a pain-inducing manner as they prayed.
Anthony says he can't talk about the rituals, what with the whole confidentiality thing involved in prayer and confession. Especially when hanging buck naked from the ceiling. His lawyer states that this wasn't sexual in nature, but rather a form of penance and redemptive suffering. "There are certain things that happen which are not sexual but could be interpreted that way," the lawyer said in statements to the press.
Oh, in case you're wondering, no - Anthony is not a priest anymore. Just a prisoner.
*********************************
Licorice Claim Whipped
Margit Kieske, 48, tried to jump on the litigious band wagon, but was pushed off by some judges who actually have common sense. See, Margit had been eating a pound of licorice every day for four months, and then developed heart problems presumably from ingestion of glycyrrhizin contained in said confection.
Margit figured that it must be candy maker Haribo's fault that she developed the heart problems because they didn't warn her that she shouldn't eat a pound of licorice per day. Judges determined that there was no error in the product labels and rejected the case.
**********************************
