Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Stoneys to Host Sucky Band
For those readers who may be local and who also may have a big blank spot on their respective calendars for this Saturday Nov 6th, take the following into consideration: some frustrated bankers and their midlife crisis buddy will be performing as sauerwine at Stoney's on Concord Pike (Rt 202) that evening.
Actually, they're pretty damned good and you might just have a good time. So consider it. Here's a link. A bit out of date, but still.... http://www.sauerwine.com/
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World Testicle Cooking Championship
Ljubomir Erovic, of the Serbian Tourism Board, is concerned that not enough people enjoy eating testicles. Therefore Ljub held a testicle cooking competition in Savinac in the hopes that more people will enjoy sucking down the delicacies. As Ljub says, "The best cooked balls come from Serbia and we wanted to stage this contest to show the world what great dishes can be cooked using testicles, which are known locally here as white kidneys."
The winner was gourmet testicle chef Dejan Milovanovic who used the exciting combination of both bull and boar balls to beat off the competition. Next year, stakes will be raised with the addition of the exotic testicles division, using ostrich and camel balls.
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Brusha Brusha Brusha
Kishanlal Bhatla from Vashi, India, was a bit too intense when he was cleaning his tongue the other day. He was brushing, brushing, brushing when BOOOP! He swallowed his 7 inch toothbrush!
His wife Sunita inexplicably thought that serving him fruits would help the rigid 1/2 foot long brush wend its way through the intestinal tract: "I gave him some bananas in the hope that it would get flushed out. Finally when he started to panic we visited a family doctor."
Good move, Sunita.
Docs had to operate for an hour and a half to remove the offending brush.
It is unknown whether or not Kishanlal will be suing the toothbrush company for not having a warning label. As he says, "A toothbrush company can now advertise its product saying: 'This one doesn't go inside'."
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300 children bitten by monkeys
There has been a sudden surge in rhesus monkey attacks at the Kamakhya Hindu temple in Assam, India: almost 300 children have been leapt upon by the little buggers in just the past few weeks.
According to Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the temple, "They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood."
Experts are befuddled by the increase in attacks, and one must wonder if perhaps Hanuman, the mythical monkey god, is a bit tired of having all these little kids running around in his temple.
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Jesus Face in Wall
Thousands of people are tromping on in to Ghana to look at a Catholic Church where they claim the image of Jesus Christ has miraculously appeared on a wall. It's palm sized and they say the image is more clear when viewed from afar rather than up close.
Cops were called in to prevent stampedes Monday, when people were pressing to be able to touch the wall in the hopes of being healed by the tiny face.
So is it a miracle? Father John Straathof, whose congregation member noticed the face while drifting off during a sermon, says nobody knows. "Yes, it does look like a face," he said, "but I don't want to conclude that it's a miracle. If people come and see it and they believe it, and it makes them pray, that's okay."
Others are convinced that the face on the wall is announcing the end of the world before the end of 2004.
Again.
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For those readers who may be local and who also may have a big blank spot on their respective calendars for this Saturday Nov 6th, take the following into consideration: some frustrated bankers and their midlife crisis buddy will be performing as sauerwine at Stoney's on Concord Pike (Rt 202) that evening.
Actually, they're pretty damned good and you might just have a good time. So consider it. Here's a link. A bit out of date, but still.... http://www.sauerwine.com/
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
World Testicle Cooking Championship
Ljubomir Erovic, of the Serbian Tourism Board, is concerned that not enough people enjoy eating testicles. Therefore Ljub held a testicle cooking competition in Savinac in the hopes that more people will enjoy sucking down the delicacies. As Ljub says, "The best cooked balls come from Serbia and we wanted to stage this contest to show the world what great dishes can be cooked using testicles, which are known locally here as white kidneys."
The winner was gourmet testicle chef Dejan Milovanovic who used the exciting combination of both bull and boar balls to beat off the competition. Next year, stakes will be raised with the addition of the exotic testicles division, using ostrich and camel balls.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Brusha Brusha Brusha
Kishanlal Bhatla from Vashi, India, was a bit too intense when he was cleaning his tongue the other day. He was brushing, brushing, brushing when BOOOP! He swallowed his 7 inch toothbrush!
His wife Sunita inexplicably thought that serving him fruits would help the rigid 1/2 foot long brush wend its way through the intestinal tract: "I gave him some bananas in the hope that it would get flushed out. Finally when he started to panic we visited a family doctor."
Good move, Sunita.
Docs had to operate for an hour and a half to remove the offending brush.
It is unknown whether or not Kishanlal will be suing the toothbrush company for not having a warning label. As he says, "A toothbrush company can now advertise its product saying: 'This one doesn't go inside'."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
300 children bitten by monkeys
There has been a sudden surge in rhesus monkey attacks at the Kamakhya Hindu temple in Assam, India: almost 300 children have been leapt upon by the little buggers in just the past few weeks.
According to Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the temple, "They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood."
Experts are befuddled by the increase in attacks, and one must wonder if perhaps Hanuman, the mythical monkey god, is a bit tired of having all these little kids running around in his temple.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jesus Face in Wall
Thousands of people are tromping on in to Ghana to look at a Catholic Church where they claim the image of Jesus Christ has miraculously appeared on a wall. It's palm sized and they say the image is more clear when viewed from afar rather than up close.
Cops were called in to prevent stampedes Monday, when people were pressing to be able to touch the wall in the hopes of being healed by the tiny face.
So is it a miracle? Father John Straathof, whose congregation member noticed the face while drifting off during a sermon, says nobody knows. "Yes, it does look like a face," he said, "but I don't want to conclude that it's a miracle. If people come and see it and they believe it, and it makes them pray, that's okay."
Others are convinced that the face on the wall is announcing the end of the world before the end of 2004.
Again.
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004
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LINK OF THE MILLENNIUM: http://www.ussvictoria.co.uk/fullofshat/ Yes. Join the Fellowship of the Shat. William Shatner, that is.
And of course, if it's Look for Circles Day, you might as well look for CROP Circles, eh? Check this site out! HA! http://www.iwasabducted.com/cropcircles/
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He Did it His Way
David Coddington is in trouble. He put together a kid's play in Auckland this weekend, his own special version of Aladdin, and ruffled at least one parent's feathers by a special guest appearance at the end of the show: Osama bin Laden strutting his stuff singing Frank Sinatra's New York, New York.
Somehow, Osama was written into the scene when wicked uncle Jasar is whisked away by the genie, and in David's story, Osama is tired of being a terrorist and wants to be a singer. Non equator what?
The miffed parent states anonymously: "We had gone expecting a bit of escapism in the afternoon. It was meant to be real kids' stuff ... then Osama bin Laden started singing New York, New York. It was unbelievably offensive and inappropriate. There was just a stunned silence."
Well, a silence of one. The owners of the production company state that they have, in fact, only received the single complaint. I can only recommend that he not go see Team America.
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Hey Gang! It's the Peter Potty!
Gee whiz! There's a new potty on the block and it's gonna take the world by storm. The new stand up potty known as the Peter Potty is going to stop the confusion little tinkly boys are having transitioning from the traditional sit down version to the big boy urinal. The toddler sized urinal can EVEN hold a full day's worth of winkytink!
Why did Scott Rote come up with this? As he says, "[Little boys] feel very unbalanced so their aim is way off. They go all over the seat, the hinges and down the side of the toilet."
So that takes care of the little boys...perhaps this invention will end the eternal toilet seat conflict between men and women because we'll actually have guys who can aim well. Hmmm.
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UFO hunter
Judy Messoline is out there, waiting and watching. Waiting for what? Why, the landing of the UFO's, of course. Judy even has a big ol' watchtower in her Hooper Colorado yard. It is specially positioned to allow her to look for UFO's and she has actually had 31 sightings of extraterrestrial crafts from said watchtower since 2000.
The most exciting one, per Judy, was when a huge spacecraft hovered over the area and made all of her yard lights blow out.
If you want to go hang out with Judy and her ET on demand viewing platform, she'll be happy to have you! She says she has visitors all summer who want to see the space creatures with her. But she wants an upclose encounter with a space ship. Says Judy, "I want one to land so I can get a really good look."
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LINK OF THE MILLENNIUM: http://www.ussvictoria.co.uk/fullofshat/ Yes. Join the Fellowship of the Shat. William Shatner, that is.
And of course, if it's Look for Circles Day, you might as well look for CROP Circles, eh? Check this site out! HA! http://www.iwasabducted.com/cropcircles/
#####################################
He Did it His Way
David Coddington is in trouble. He put together a kid's play in Auckland this weekend, his own special version of Aladdin, and ruffled at least one parent's feathers by a special guest appearance at the end of the show: Osama bin Laden strutting his stuff singing Frank Sinatra's New York, New York.
Somehow, Osama was written into the scene when wicked uncle Jasar is whisked away by the genie, and in David's story, Osama is tired of being a terrorist and wants to be a singer. Non equator what?
The miffed parent states anonymously: "We had gone expecting a bit of escapism in the afternoon. It was meant to be real kids' stuff ... then Osama bin Laden started singing New York, New York. It was unbelievably offensive and inappropriate. There was just a stunned silence."
Well, a silence of one. The owners of the production company state that they have, in fact, only received the single complaint. I can only recommend that he not go see Team America.
#####################################
Hey Gang! It's the Peter Potty!
Gee whiz! There's a new potty on the block and it's gonna take the world by storm. The new stand up potty known as the Peter Potty is going to stop the confusion little tinkly boys are having transitioning from the traditional sit down version to the big boy urinal. The toddler sized urinal can EVEN hold a full day's worth of winkytink!
Why did Scott Rote come up with this? As he says, "[Little boys] feel very unbalanced so their aim is way off. They go all over the seat, the hinges and down the side of the toilet."
So that takes care of the little boys...perhaps this invention will end the eternal toilet seat conflict between men and women because we'll actually have guys who can aim well. Hmmm.
#####################################
UFO hunter
Judy Messoline is out there, waiting and watching. Waiting for what? Why, the landing of the UFO's, of course. Judy even has a big ol' watchtower in her Hooper Colorado yard. It is specially positioned to allow her to look for UFO's and she has actually had 31 sightings of extraterrestrial crafts from said watchtower since 2000.
The most exciting one, per Judy, was when a huge spacecraft hovered over the area and made all of her yard lights blow out.
If you want to go hang out with Judy and her ET on demand viewing platform, she'll be happy to have you! She says she has visitors all summer who want to see the space creatures with her. But she wants an upclose encounter with a space ship. Says Judy, "I want one to land so I can get a really good look."
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