Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Today in History: November 22, 1963, John F Kennedy is assassinated. Eerily, on the same date in 1980 May West died. Now if that doesn't make ya think, I don't know what will.
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Link of the Day: Swanksigns. www.swanksigns.org/gallery.asp Swanksigns is a huge gallery of odd and off-kilter street signs which are just begging to be mocked. These are real signs, not photoshopped.
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Parker T Hall Houghtaling not only has a very long name, he apparently also has a very long neck! How else could one explain how Parker has had his head struck by a train two times? Three years ago, Parker was at a subway station in Manhattan when he stuck his head out and BAM was slammed by a subway car. He went to the hospital, got all better, and continued on with his life.
Then just this past Friday, Parker was again craning his neck out to see where the train was (this time in Poughkeepsie) and BATTABAM he was whacked in the head by yet another train. (He's in the hospital again, this time in stable condition)
Fool me once....
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Jesus has come again. And for a limited time he is appearing on a plant pot in Cozumel, Mexico. The Pot o' Miracles shows Jesus' face and is credited for having kept 200 guests at the Occidental Grand resort safe during the terrible destruction of Hurricane Wilma. (It may have had some help from the sturdy storm shelter that was built at the hotel specifically for protection against strong hurricanes and storms, but likely not).
Amazingly, not only did the humans survive the storm, but the plants that were in the pot itself --- they are alive as well.
Yep.
I mean it.
Jesus is on a pot and the plants in the pot are alive.
And if you need more proof of Godliness in this world, well, then, you're going to hell. No offense, but you are.
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Benedict Frank was simply trying to prove to health and safety inspectors that his club was not a fire trap...then it kind of burnt down.
Benny owns the Cabaret Club, a strip club, in Switzerland. Some safety inspectors came into the club to inspect....uh....safety stuff, and commented that his paper decorations looked like they could be a fire hazard. Benny pish poshed that idea, whipping out a lighter and setting one of the pretty ornaments ablaze. Which then set another one ablaze, and then the walls, and then the roof, and then the neighboring restaurant....
Ultimately, Benny burnt both buildings completely to the ground.
Those safety inspectors are GOOD!!
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Remember the world's ugliest dog? That nasty snaggle toothed hairless long toenailed possessed by Satan Chinese crested beast? It's dead. Kicked the proverbial bucket this past Friday. Carry on.
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Jeremy Miljour and his family jewels were hanging out asking women to be friendly the other day. Cops came along, and quick thinking Jeremy started to high tail it outta there. The overzealous cops however, wanted Jeremy to stay put, and one of them whipped out his Taser and...accidentally...shot it . Well, actually, word is that one of the prongs of the Taser got kind of stuck on one of Jeremy's...uh....valuables.
So Jeremy stopped. Abruptly. He now is much more...sensitive...to the law.
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Serbia has a bunch of sensitive guys following in Jeremy's footsteps, it seems. A sadistic fertility expert, Dr Sava Bojovic, is promoting the use of a little electrical shocker to stun little swimmers before couples bond.
Somehow while Sava discovered the 'benefits' of zapping wing dings while working with a childless couple, and now is recommending that this new version of contraception be used.
Shockingly, the practice isn't catching on too swiftly.
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I'm sure you've already heard this, but sheesh! Some stupid French woman was nervous about flying. So she decided to pop a few pills and drink a few drinks before she got on the plane.
So Sandrine Helene Sellies staggered onto the plane, plopped herself in her seat, and successfully made it through take off. Then she decided it would be a fine time for a cigarette. She took her unlit cigarette and a lighter (hey - aren't they prohibited??) and wobbled on up to the emergency exit so she could step outside for a little smokey smoke.
Luckily (??) Sandrine had not yet mastered the art of drunkenly opening large aircraft emergency doorways, and was stopped by a flight attendant. Sandrine's lawyer says that Sandrine really was just sleepwalking and has absolutely no memory of the incident. Her penalty? A teeny slap on the wrist and the threat of having to pay a $1,000 fine if she ever tries to break out of a flying vehicle again.
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Link of the Day: Swanksigns. www.swanksigns.org/gallery.asp Swanksigns is a huge gallery of odd and off-kilter street signs which are just begging to be mocked. These are real signs, not photoshopped.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Parker T Hall Houghtaling not only has a very long name, he apparently also has a very long neck! How else could one explain how Parker has had his head struck by a train two times? Three years ago, Parker was at a subway station in Manhattan when he stuck his head out and BAM was slammed by a subway car. He went to the hospital, got all better, and continued on with his life.
Then just this past Friday, Parker was again craning his neck out to see where the train was (this time in Poughkeepsie) and BATTABAM he was whacked in the head by yet another train. (He's in the hospital again, this time in stable condition)
Fool me once....
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jesus has come again. And for a limited time he is appearing on a plant pot in Cozumel, Mexico. The Pot o' Miracles shows Jesus' face and is credited for having kept 200 guests at the Occidental Grand resort safe during the terrible destruction of Hurricane Wilma. (It may have had some help from the sturdy storm shelter that was built at the hotel specifically for protection against strong hurricanes and storms, but likely not).
Amazingly, not only did the humans survive the storm, but the plants that were in the pot itself --- they are alive as well.
Yep.
I mean it.
Jesus is on a pot and the plants in the pot are alive.
And if you need more proof of Godliness in this world, well, then, you're going to hell. No offense, but you are.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Benedict Frank was simply trying to prove to health and safety inspectors that his club was not a fire trap...then it kind of burnt down.
Benny owns the Cabaret Club, a strip club, in Switzerland. Some safety inspectors came into the club to inspect....uh....safety stuff, and commented that his paper decorations looked like they could be a fire hazard. Benny pish poshed that idea, whipping out a lighter and setting one of the pretty ornaments ablaze. Which then set another one ablaze, and then the walls, and then the roof, and then the neighboring restaurant....
Ultimately, Benny burnt both buildings completely to the ground.
Those safety inspectors are GOOD!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Remember the world's ugliest dog? That nasty snaggle toothed hairless long toenailed possessed by Satan Chinese crested beast? It's dead. Kicked the proverbial bucket this past Friday. Carry on.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jeremy Miljour and his family jewels were hanging out asking women to be friendly the other day. Cops came along, and quick thinking Jeremy started to high tail it outta there. The overzealous cops however, wanted Jeremy to stay put, and one of them whipped out his Taser and...accidentally...shot it . Well, actually, word is that one of the prongs of the Taser got kind of stuck on one of Jeremy's...uh....valuables.
So Jeremy stopped. Abruptly. He now is much more...sensitive...to the law.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Serbia has a bunch of sensitive guys following in Jeremy's footsteps, it seems. A sadistic fertility expert, Dr Sava Bojovic, is promoting the use of a little electrical shocker to stun little swimmers before couples bond.
Somehow while Sava discovered the 'benefits' of zapping wing dings while working with a childless couple, and now is recommending that this new version of contraception be used.
Shockingly, the practice isn't catching on too swiftly.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
I'm sure you've already heard this, but sheesh! Some stupid French woman was nervous about flying. So she decided to pop a few pills and drink a few drinks before she got on the plane.
So Sandrine Helene Sellies staggered onto the plane, plopped herself in her seat, and successfully made it through take off. Then she decided it would be a fine time for a cigarette. She took her unlit cigarette and a lighter (hey - aren't they prohibited??) and wobbled on up to the emergency exit so she could step outside for a little smokey smoke.
Luckily (??) Sandrine had not yet mastered the art of drunkenly opening large aircraft emergency doorways, and was stopped by a flight attendant. Sandrine's lawyer says that Sandrine really was just sleepwalking and has absolutely no memory of the incident. Her penalty? A teeny slap on the wrist and the threat of having to pay a $1,000 fine if she ever tries to break out of a flying vehicle again.
