Saturday, December 10, 2005
Today in History: December 9 1942 Dick Butkus was born! YAY!!!
Also on this day in 1999, President Bill Clinton signed very important and widely impacting legislation to outlaw "crush videos", which generally involve women in high heels stomping things like frogs and mice.
Also on this day in 1999, President Bill Clinton signed very important and widely impacting legislation to outlaw "crush videos", which generally involve women in high heels stomping things like frogs and mice.
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Link of the Day: Oh. My. Goodness. We love you cosmic people! http://www.universe-people.com/english/default_e.htm
TALKS WITH INSTRUCTIONS FROM MY COSMIC FRIENDS Current reports (chapter II. – VIII.), with instructions for how to ensure contacting the creator and other cosmic friends is especially moving.
Wow.
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I Promise, I Will Never Die
Unless you are immortal, you may want to think twice about moving to the town of Biritiba-Mirim, Brazil. Why? Well, because Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva has decided to put up a law making it illegal for residents of this town to die.
Likewise, if a relative of a person in this town happens to die younger than expected, said relatives may be fined or put in jail. The law has not yet been voted upon, but gym memberships are on the rise in preparation.
Likewise, if a relative of a person in this town happens to die younger than expected, said relatives may be fined or put in jail. The law has not yet been voted upon, but gym memberships are on the rise in preparation.
Roberto is concerned because, you see, Biritiba-Mirim's cemetery is chock full of corpses and there's nowhere left to put anyone who dies.
So that's it: no dying. Or else.
So that's it: no dying. Or else.
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Ho Ho 'Ho'
In a Christmas display possibly more horrific than the bound and gagged Swinging Santa in Florida, Joe Moretti of Cranston, RI, has erected something truly disturbing on his lawn this year. Paris Hilton.
Yes, Joey's seasonal greeting to passersby has taken the form of multiple blown-up images of the mensa candidate surrounded by pink lights. Even her little "dog" Tinkerbell appears in the festive display. Words of wisdom from Paris are also displayed, as well as just a peek of holiday cleavage.
Whoo hoo!
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Job Fair Etiquette Gaff
FYI: If you are planning to attend a careers fair, it would likely be a good idea not to wander around with your fly down, whip out your wingding, and commence to color it with a highlighter pen.
Misha Sulpovar learned that the hard way in Missouri recently. Not only did he not get the job, but he also was arrested. His defense?
It wasn't lewd:
It was art.
Performance art.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
Misha Sulpovar learned that the hard way in Missouri recently. Not only did he not get the job, but he also was arrested. His defense?
It wasn't lewd:
It was art.
Performance art.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
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Leash Law Gone Amok
Pamela McMahan lives in a hoity toity condominium in Long Beach California. She is a silly woman, who walks her 20lb mixed breed spaniel on a daily basis, often walking the dog through the condo lobby and out the doors making use of an item called a 'Leash'. Said leash keeps the dog under her control, and keeps it from running away. Many folks believe that using a leash is a good thing.
Not Pam's Condo Association. They fine her $25 every time she walks the dog out of the building on the leash, stating that all dog owners must CARRY their dogs out of the lobby (regardless of size).
Why? Because leashes are hazardous to elderly people, who could get tangled up in them.
Okay! Makes perfect sense to me!
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Friday, December 09, 2005
This day in History: December 8, 1980: John Lennon's popularity is revived due to his being shot to death outside the Dakota by "a local lunatic". Also on this day, in 1941, the day after Pearl Harbor, the 4th Interceptor Command reports two formations of enemy planes approaching Los Angeles, spotted in the San Francisco area. Fortunately, the seagulls do not bomb the city.
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Link of the Day, for those still racing through Christmas Shopping - Toys for Dull Children!!! http://www.babybushtoys.com/
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Mary and Jesus sighted in West Virginny!!
John Mize of Crawley, WV, was cleaning out his car and checked out the mess that was under the car seat.
It was then that he realized how it was that he had, over the past spate of time,graduated from law school, passed the bar exam, gotten a job as a law clerk and even avoided a traffic ticket.
For what was under his seat was none other than Mary and the Baby Jesus!!!
Their limited engagement in John's car was in the form of crushed Funyons snacks. Miraculously, the Funyons were in the shape of Jesus and his mom.
John is convinced that these are lucky spiritual Funyons, which brought him luck lo these many months.
John is convinced that these are lucky spiritual Funyons, which brought him luck lo these many months.
They also brought him over $600 when he recently auctioned them off via eBay.
Huh.
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In Miami Beach, FL, folks are up in arms over a different kind of Christmas display in their neighborhood. Seems one of their neighbors bound and gagged a life sized Santa Claus doll and hung it from the big tree in his front yard.
Neighbors are aghast and children are frightened by the swinging Santa.
The homeowner? He says he's just expressing his freedom of speech.
Ho HO!
For pics of the horror, click here: http://www.nbc4.tv/slideshow/holidays/5482428/detail.html?qs=;s=1;p=holidays;dm=ss;w=400
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A bank robber patiently waited in line at the Landeskbank-Hypothekenbank in Vienna. (Say THAT ten times fast!). He got to the counter, and showed the clerk something he stated was a bomb and demanded money.
Maria Bertel, the clerk, misunderstood his request, thinking he just wanted to make a normal withdrawal. Maria told him she didn't "deal with money here and [told him ] to go to the next counter."
Miffed by this rude service, and unwilling to wait in yet another long line, the robber left the bank. It was only then that Maria realized her gaff and called police.
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Talk about butch! Carla Aguilera was arrested in Peru for robbery, but when cops arrested her she claimed her name was Manuel Martin Aguilar. She was checked out by numerous police officers, but "none noticed she was a woman".
So Carla was tossed into a men's prison and hung out there for a month or so. An anonymous phone call alerted the police to the fact that she lacked certain chromosomal traits that make someone a male. She was given a full medical exam and it was concluded that yes, indeed, Carla was a chick.
Carla was swiftly moved to a women's prison, and she's not happy. Say police: "She looks and acts exactly like a man, it was impossible to see that she is a woman. She insists she is a man and wants to be transferred back to the male prison!"
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A church youth group from the Katzwanger church in Nuremburg, Germany, has put out a calendar that has other church members' panties in a bunch. It's a lovely calendar with pictures of people portraying different biblical scenes, like Delilah snipping Samson's hair and Eve offering Adam a an apple (wedged between her breasts) and the like.
Only thing that is ticking off the rest of the church? All the models are nude and hot hot hot. There's also Jesus being baptized, Salome doing her hottie dance, and Isaac being sacrificed.
Winfried Roehmel, a spokesman for the region's Catholic archdiocese, said: "It is not acceptable to pose naked in a church. The right way to approach the Holy Scriptures is not by pulling your pants down."
Hee hee hee
