Thursday, April 29, 2004
Today in History: April 29, 1992 - Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
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Scuba Diver Forgotten
Choose your friends well, oh scuba divers of the world. Dan Carlock was left in the ocean Sunday by his caring friends when they were out doing some recreational diving around Newport Beach, CA. They drove their boat out there about 7 miles off shore, when he and 3 dive buddies went in the water. Dan had troubles equalizing the pressure as he went down and fell back. His buddies, each intent upon his own exploration of the waterworld, didn't quite notice and kept going.
Dan surfaced 15 minutes later, confident that he would not be left behind even though he was some 400 downcurrent of the boat. Silly Dan. His buddies put putted on out of sight to a second dive location, and he began to plea to the Lord above to save him (and also to recall his boy scout survival tips).
Five hours later, the Lord above sent him -drumroll, please- a boat full of BOY SCOUTS to help him survive!
The boy scouts did their duty and rescued him, 11 miles away from where his diving buddies thought he disappeared, by the 2nd dive site. An investigation is ongoing with the diving adventures company to determine just how this snafu occurred.
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Rasputin's ManStaff to be sex museum's star attraction
Russia is set to open its first museum of erotica, and one of the most impressive attractions will be the pickled penis of none other than Rasputin himself! Rasputin's shaft is a reported 12 inches long, and in the words of museum founder Igor Knyazkin, "Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon Bonaparte's penis is now kept. Napoleon's penis is but a small pod - it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimetres."
Heh. Russia had Penis Envy toward America. That rocks!
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Is it Cheese? Is it a PostBox? Hmmmm.
In response to the common confusion in distinguishing between cheeses and postboxes, some enlightened fellow out there has created this stumper, a ripoff of the Female/Shemale game. I found it to be extraordinarily challenging. Turn your speakers off if you are at work.
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Scuba Diver Forgotten
Choose your friends well, oh scuba divers of the world. Dan Carlock was left in the ocean Sunday by his caring friends when they were out doing some recreational diving around Newport Beach, CA. They drove their boat out there about 7 miles off shore, when he and 3 dive buddies went in the water. Dan had troubles equalizing the pressure as he went down and fell back. His buddies, each intent upon his own exploration of the waterworld, didn't quite notice and kept going.
Dan surfaced 15 minutes later, confident that he would not be left behind even though he was some 400 downcurrent of the boat. Silly Dan. His buddies put putted on out of sight to a second dive location, and he began to plea to the Lord above to save him (and also to recall his boy scout survival tips).
Five hours later, the Lord above sent him -drumroll, please- a boat full of BOY SCOUTS to help him survive!
The boy scouts did their duty and rescued him, 11 miles away from where his diving buddies thought he disappeared, by the 2nd dive site. An investigation is ongoing with the diving adventures company to determine just how this snafu occurred.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Rasputin's ManStaff to be sex museum's star attraction
Russia is set to open its first museum of erotica, and one of the most impressive attractions will be the pickled penis of none other than Rasputin himself! Rasputin's shaft is a reported 12 inches long, and in the words of museum founder Igor Knyazkin, "Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon Bonaparte's penis is now kept. Napoleon's penis is but a small pod - it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimetres."
Heh. Russia had Penis Envy toward America. That rocks!
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Is it Cheese? Is it a PostBox? Hmmmm.
In response to the common confusion in distinguishing between cheeses and postboxes, some enlightened fellow out there has created this stumper, a ripoff of the Female/Shemale game. I found it to be extraordinarily challenging. Turn your speakers off if you are at work.
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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Today in History: April 28, 1937 Mr. and Mrs. Hussein welcomed their little bundle of joy into the world and named him Saddam. Saddam Hussein then went on to become an international star.
More importantly, however, April 28, 1985 - The largest sand castle in the world was completed near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
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At the risk of starting another standard piece of idiocy on these emails/the blog, Randy Najera passed on this oh-so-interesting Fact of the Day
A conveyor printing press is used to print the tiny white M's on each M&M candy. Because the peanut sizes vary, the press must be always adjusted to prevent smashing the peanuts in peanut M&Ms. Regular M&Ms, all the same size, are much easier to send through the printer. --coolquiz.com
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Robbers Select Wrong Target
Two Palestinian robbers really picked the wrong guy to rob the other day in the Gaza Strip. According to Scotsman.com, the two Palestinians attempted to stick up a Hamas suicide bomber who was on his way to infiltrate Israel with a guide and another Hamas member.
The Palestinian criminals, known members of a car theft ring that brings stolen vehicles to Gaza from Israel, stopped the Hamas dudes on the road. They demanded the Hamas bomber give up his bombs etc to them or else. So bucky detonated himself and they all blew up.
Note to self: "Don't say 'or else' to suicide bombers..."
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Moscow Plans Monument to Processed Cheese
In honor of the 40th anniversary of Moscow's processed cheese food Druzhba, the Karat plant that produces the cheese will be sponsoring a monument to the culinary joy. The monument will be 'a people's monument', and the individual who comes up with the best Cheesy Statue Design will receive an award of approx $1000USD.
“Druzhba cheese gave a stimulus to the development of the processed cheese production of the whole Russia. It is worth being immortalized,” Russian Information Agency Novosti quoted Karat director general Vladimir Korsun as saying.
Shenderovich was quoted by the radio as saying that “in the most difficult times, it was hard to live without [Druzhba], and much easier to live with it.”
Possibly because it goes so well with vodka.
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Spreading the Memories. Literally.
When shooting enthusiast Tony Mullan was contemplating the here-after from his bed, he requested that his friends help him 'go out with a bang'. So when he succumbed to his year-long illness, his buddies got together and fulfilled his dreams.
His best friend took 50 shotgun cartridges, removed the lead and put Tony's ashes in them. He is also arranging to have some of his ashes packed into clay pigeons used in tournaments.
Now every time he or his buddies go out shooting, they blast off a couple of Tonies, and remember him fondly.
Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever did hear?
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Bunnie Bulge
The obesity issue has reached new lows. Now, it's the bunnies. Vets are telling people to stop feeding their bunnies so much food because they are getting too fat and suffering from overgrown teeth and gut problems. Two words: Puh Leeeeeese.
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More importantly, however, April 28, 1985 - The largest sand castle in the world was completed near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
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At the risk of starting another standard piece of idiocy on these emails/the blog, Randy Najera passed on this oh-so-interesting Fact of the Day
A conveyor printing press is used to print the tiny white M's on each M&M candy. Because the peanut sizes vary, the press must be always adjusted to prevent smashing the peanuts in peanut M&Ms. Regular M&Ms, all the same size, are much easier to send through the printer. --coolquiz.com
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Robbers Select Wrong Target
Two Palestinian robbers really picked the wrong guy to rob the other day in the Gaza Strip. According to Scotsman.com, the two Palestinians attempted to stick up a Hamas suicide bomber who was on his way to infiltrate Israel with a guide and another Hamas member.
The Palestinian criminals, known members of a car theft ring that brings stolen vehicles to Gaza from Israel, stopped the Hamas dudes on the road. They demanded the Hamas bomber give up his bombs etc to them or else. So bucky detonated himself and they all blew up.
Note to self: "Don't say 'or else' to suicide bombers..."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Moscow Plans Monument to Processed Cheese
In honor of the 40th anniversary of Moscow's processed cheese food Druzhba, the Karat plant that produces the cheese will be sponsoring a monument to the culinary joy. The monument will be 'a people's monument', and the individual who comes up with the best Cheesy Statue Design will receive an award of approx $1000USD.
“Druzhba cheese gave a stimulus to the development of the processed cheese production of the whole Russia. It is worth being immortalized,” Russian Information Agency Novosti quoted Karat director general Vladimir Korsun as saying.
Shenderovich was quoted by the radio as saying that “in the most difficult times, it was hard to live without [Druzhba], and much easier to live with it.”
Possibly because it goes so well with vodka.
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Spreading the Memories. Literally.
When shooting enthusiast Tony Mullan was contemplating the here-after from his bed, he requested that his friends help him 'go out with a bang'. So when he succumbed to his year-long illness, his buddies got together and fulfilled his dreams.
His best friend took 50 shotgun cartridges, removed the lead and put Tony's ashes in them. He is also arranging to have some of his ashes packed into clay pigeons used in tournaments.
Now every time he or his buddies go out shooting, they blast off a couple of Tonies, and remember him fondly.
Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever did hear?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Bunnie Bulge
The obesity issue has reached new lows. Now, it's the bunnies. Vets are telling people to stop feeding their bunnies so much food because they are getting too fat and suffering from overgrown teeth and gut problems. Two words: Puh Leeeeeese.
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
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Sausage Bomb!
Two teenage boys thought it would be funny to make a new and explosive sausage treat. So they mixed up some homemade napalm in a 20 oz bottle, and wrapped a kielbasa sausage around it "just to be funny". Well, one of their neighbors noticed the shenanigans and called the cops on the silly kids. Cops came, evacuated the neighborhood, and detonated the sausage. The kids are now laughing their way through federal charges and boy are their parents PROUD!
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Urban Bags Apologize for Presidential Idiocy
Tom Bihn's line of designer bags has gotten a hefty boost in sales thanks to a French-language insult included in the washing instructions tag. The tag translates out to "We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him."
Bihn swears it's a slight against him (president of the company), and that people are jumping to conclusions that it might be some OTHER president being described. Along with doubling sales on the bags, the tag is now prompting increased t-shirt sales: the label has been enlarged and silk-screened on the front of stylish tops and are selling like gangbusters.
Unlike Nestle's response to the modifications of the Aero-bar name (dismissal of employees), Bihn has stated that when the culprits are found in THIS case, there is likely a big raise in store for them.
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From the usually silent Ginger Quintavalla, a story that's been hiding out there since the beginning of April. Apologies extended if this is stale news.
Nascar + CropDuster = Shoot the Airplane
It was a great Sunday afternoon, and Anthony Gene Moore had cracked open his beers and was watching NASCAR on the telly. Then some inconsiderate crop-duster had the nerve to start flying around spraying pine trees in the area, making it so Anthony couldn't hear the riveting commentary during the race.
Take-charge guy that he is, Anthony grabbed his .270-caliber Browning rifle and proceeded to pump bullets up to the AT 301 Air Tractor. Two bullets whipped through its left wing and the third bullet (3's a charm) passed through the plane's belly, lodged in its battery and caused it to explode.
The pilot was able to land, then got the police involved. When asked what prompted him to attack the plane, Anthony explained: "Because it was annoying."
Okey dokey.
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Sausage Bomb!
Two teenage boys thought it would be funny to make a new and explosive sausage treat. So they mixed up some homemade napalm in a 20 oz bottle, and wrapped a kielbasa sausage around it "just to be funny". Well, one of their neighbors noticed the shenanigans and called the cops on the silly kids. Cops came, evacuated the neighborhood, and detonated the sausage. The kids are now laughing their way through federal charges and boy are their parents PROUD!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Urban Bags Apologize for Presidential Idiocy
Tom Bihn's line of designer bags has gotten a hefty boost in sales thanks to a French-language insult included in the washing instructions tag. The tag translates out to "We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him."
Bihn swears it's a slight against him (president of the company), and that people are jumping to conclusions that it might be some OTHER president being described. Along with doubling sales on the bags, the tag is now prompting increased t-shirt sales: the label has been enlarged and silk-screened on the front of stylish tops and are selling like gangbusters.
Unlike Nestle's response to the modifications of the Aero-bar name (dismissal of employees), Bihn has stated that when the culprits are found in THIS case, there is likely a big raise in store for them.
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From the usually silent Ginger Quintavalla, a story that's been hiding out there since the beginning of April. Apologies extended if this is stale news.
Nascar + CropDuster = Shoot the Airplane
It was a great Sunday afternoon, and Anthony Gene Moore had cracked open his beers and was watching NASCAR on the telly. Then some inconsiderate crop-duster had the nerve to start flying around spraying pine trees in the area, making it so Anthony couldn't hear the riveting commentary during the race.
Take-charge guy that he is, Anthony grabbed his .270-caliber Browning rifle and proceeded to pump bullets up to the AT 301 Air Tractor. Two bullets whipped through its left wing and the third bullet (3's a charm) passed through the plane's belly, lodged in its battery and caused it to explode.
The pilot was able to land, then got the police involved. When asked what prompted him to attack the plane, Anthony explained: "Because it was annoying."
Okey dokey.
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Monday, April 26, 2004
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Evil Drawings in HighSchool
So this 15 year old kid from Prosser, WA, was expressing himself through art in his school's art class. Sadly for him, his drawings of GWBush as a missile-launching devil and also as the top of a large shish-ke-bob landed him in hot water with the Secret Service. They came at the request of the kid's art teacher and gave him a talking to. The school has taken some kind of disciplinary action against the expressive teen, but they are so proud of their actions that they refuse to say what punishment they leveled.
I'm thinking 5 strong wacks with a wooden ruler...
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From the Lordliest of contributors: Lord Mutter...
Villanova Announces Commencement Speaker for 2004
Villanova has found the ultimate individual to deliver the Commencement address to their class of 2004 on May 16th. He was named a 'living legend' in 2000 by the Library of Congress for his accomplishments. Stating that this speaker "perfectly embodies the mission of this University" and that "No single individual has done more to educate children all over the world," Dr Sally Scholz recommended said individual in her letter of nomination sent to University President Rev. Edmund Dobbin, O.S.A.
The name of this esteemed speaker? Big Bird. Yup. The yellow one. Hangs out with Oscar the Grouch. Lives in a big nest on a city street. Human name: Carroll Spinney. Nuff said.
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Man Ordered by Judge to Skydive as "Punishment"
Henry Szczepanski has been convicted of grand larceny for stealing $5700 from his former place of employment: Buffalo NY's public works department. He has since repaid the bucks, but some silly misguided judge has put down what he thinks is a punishment: he has ordered Szczepanski, a skydiver for many years, to perform 80 hours of charity skydiving. Oh, waah. Poor guy.
How much do you want to bet Henry starts embezzling again after his 80 hours of fun are done?
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Yet ANOTHER McDonald's Big Wig Death!
Just days after McDonald's CEO Jim Cantalupo died of an apparent heart attack at the ripe old age of 60 (April 19, 04), McDonald's Japan founder Den Fujita, 78, has ALSO DIED OF A HEART ATTACK!
Coincidence? I think not.
Al Qaeda? QUITE possibly.
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Evil Drawings in HighSchool
So this 15 year old kid from Prosser, WA, was expressing himself through art in his school's art class. Sadly for him, his drawings of GWBush as a missile-launching devil and also as the top of a large shish-ke-bob landed him in hot water with the Secret Service. They came at the request of the kid's art teacher and gave him a talking to. The school has taken some kind of disciplinary action against the expressive teen, but they are so proud of their actions that they refuse to say what punishment they leveled.
I'm thinking 5 strong wacks with a wooden ruler...
*************
From the Lordliest of contributors: Lord Mutter...
Villanova Announces Commencement Speaker for 2004
Villanova has found the ultimate individual to deliver the Commencement address to their class of 2004 on May 16th. He was named a 'living legend' in 2000 by the Library of Congress for his accomplishments. Stating that this speaker "perfectly embodies the mission of this University" and that "No single individual has done more to educate children all over the world," Dr Sally Scholz recommended said individual in her letter of nomination sent to University President Rev. Edmund Dobbin, O.S.A.
The name of this esteemed speaker? Big Bird. Yup. The yellow one. Hangs out with Oscar the Grouch. Lives in a big nest on a city street. Human name: Carroll Spinney. Nuff said.
**************
Man Ordered by Judge to Skydive as "Punishment"
Henry Szczepanski has been convicted of grand larceny for stealing $5700 from his former place of employment: Buffalo NY's public works department. He has since repaid the bucks, but some silly misguided judge has put down what he thinks is a punishment: he has ordered Szczepanski, a skydiver for many years, to perform 80 hours of charity skydiving. Oh, waah. Poor guy.
How much do you want to bet Henry starts embezzling again after his 80 hours of fun are done?
**************
Yet ANOTHER McDonald's Big Wig Death!
Just days after McDonald's CEO Jim Cantalupo died of an apparent heart attack at the ripe old age of 60 (April 19, 04), McDonald's Japan founder Den Fujita, 78, has ALSO DIED OF A HEART ATTACK!
Coincidence? I think not.
Al Qaeda? QUITE possibly.
**************
