Thursday, July 01, 2004
Today in History: July 01, 1980 - "O Canada" was proclaimed the national anthem of Canada. Nobody noticed that they spelled 'Oh' incorrectly, eh.
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Evolution Schmevolution
If you have nothing better to do with your time this long weekend, try earning $250,000. Dr Hovind has "a standing offer of $250,000 to anyone who can give any empirical evidence (scientific proof) for evolution.* [his] $250,000 offer demonstrates that the hypothesis of evolution is nothing more than a religious belief"
Enjoy
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More Daytona Beach, FL, Thinkers
Kisha Smith used to be a cleaning woman at the Daytona courthouse, and one day she decided to snatch judge John Watson's wallet from his chambers. She and her boyfriend Shawn Mayo then took the judge's credit card to the next logical place: Wal-Mart!
They charged up about a thousand dollars' worth of stuff at Wal Mart, but kind of goofed when Shawn signed his own name on the credit card receipt.
Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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Drunk and Disorderly
Theresa Hall, a University of S Florida student, returned to her home to find it ransacked. As she wandered about the mess, she discovered a drunken burglar passed out in her laundry room, and wearing some of her clothes.
She said: "He had gotten into all kinds of food in my refrigerator, drank half my liquor, made himself at home and pulled things out of my underwear drawer, and every box of stuff that I have, and went through everything I own."
Ew
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Update on Glen Campbell Drunk Driving Saga
Although he did plead guilty to extreme drunken driving and fleeing the scene of an accident during that Big Drunk last November, Glen Campbell has this to say in his own defense:
"I wasn't really that drunk,I was just over-served."
An interesting spin. Do I smell a lawsuit against the 'server'?
Glen was as impressed with his own mug shot as the rest of the world: "When I saw the mug shot, I said, 'Who is that guy?' Everybody says it's the devil, but it isn't, it's God's way of telling you to slow down."
Perhaps he should have done a mug shot like THIS guy:
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Note to self: don't put ice down maid's undergarments...
Filipina Jean Ganzon, a maid for the volatile Ong Ting Ting, was getting warm while ironing at her Singapore job. So she opened a window in an attempt to cool off.
Well Ong didn't like that one bit, so she started kicking Filipina, forced her to stand in front of a fan and shoved ice cubes down her bra and shorts.
Filipina filed abuse charges and Ong now is to be jailed for 14 weeks in a Singapore jail.
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Man cleared of murder with spoon
Richard Clare has been cleared of murder charges, much to the chagrin of folks familiar with the spoon killing trial he's been going through. He in fact was cleared not only of murder, but also of manslaughter AND cleared of causing bodily harm to another man.
The case:
Richard Clare is a heroin addict.
In November of 2003, Rick escaped from Vale House Drug Rehab Center in Hertford and took a cab to the home of a disabled acquaintance, James Gibson, to get money he thought Jim owed him.
Rick got no cash, so he swiped Jim's cell phone instead.
Jim called a friend - the doomed Timothy Magee - to assist in getting the phone back.
A tussle ensued, with Tim head butting Rick and even the disabled Jim beating him with his walking aid.
So Rick grabbed a dessert spoon and whapped Tim on the back of the head.
Due to the exquisite positioning and power of the whappage, the evil spoon ruptured an artery and caused fatal bleeding in the area between Tim's skull and brain.
Somehow Jim died too, but there aren't details on that.
For this fatal silliness, Rick was sentenced to 7 days in jail.
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Evolution Schmevolution
If you have nothing better to do with your time this long weekend, try earning $250,000. Dr Hovind has "a standing offer of $250,000 to anyone who can give any empirical evidence (scientific proof) for evolution.* [his] $250,000 offer demonstrates that the hypothesis of evolution is nothing more than a religious belief"
Enjoy
*********************
More Daytona Beach, FL, Thinkers
Kisha Smith used to be a cleaning woman at the Daytona courthouse, and one day she decided to snatch judge John Watson's wallet from his chambers. She and her boyfriend Shawn Mayo then took the judge's credit card to the next logical place: Wal-Mart!
They charged up about a thousand dollars' worth of stuff at Wal Mart, but kind of goofed when Shawn signed his own name on the credit card receipt.
Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
****************************
Drunk and Disorderly
Theresa Hall, a University of S Florida student, returned to her home to find it ransacked. As she wandered about the mess, she discovered a drunken burglar passed out in her laundry room, and wearing some of her clothes.
She said: "He had gotten into all kinds of food in my refrigerator, drank half my liquor, made himself at home and pulled things out of my underwear drawer, and every box of stuff that I have, and went through everything I own."
Ew
********************
Update on Glen Campbell Drunk Driving Saga
Although he did plead guilty to extreme drunken driving and fleeing the scene of an accident during that Big Drunk last November, Glen Campbell has this to say in his own defense:
"I wasn't really that drunk,I was just over-served."
An interesting spin. Do I smell a lawsuit against the 'server'?
Glen was as impressed with his own mug shot as the rest of the world: "When I saw the mug shot, I said, 'Who is that guy?' Everybody says it's the devil, but it isn't, it's God's way of telling you to slow down."
Perhaps he should have done a mug shot like THIS guy:
*********************
Note to self: don't put ice down maid's undergarments...
Filipina Jean Ganzon, a maid for the volatile Ong Ting Ting, was getting warm while ironing at her Singapore job. So she opened a window in an attempt to cool off.
Well Ong didn't like that one bit, so she started kicking Filipina, forced her to stand in front of a fan and shoved ice cubes down her bra and shorts.
Filipina filed abuse charges and Ong now is to be jailed for 14 weeks in a Singapore jail.
*****************************
Man cleared of murder with spoon
Richard Clare has been cleared of murder charges, much to the chagrin of folks familiar with the spoon killing trial he's been going through. He in fact was cleared not only of murder, but also of manslaughter AND cleared of causing bodily harm to another man.
The case:
Richard Clare is a heroin addict.
In November of 2003, Rick escaped from Vale House Drug Rehab Center in Hertford and took a cab to the home of a disabled acquaintance, James Gibson, to get money he thought Jim owed him.
Rick got no cash, so he swiped Jim's cell phone instead.
Jim called a friend - the doomed Timothy Magee - to assist in getting the phone back.
A tussle ensued, with Tim head butting Rick and even the disabled Jim beating him with his walking aid.
So Rick grabbed a dessert spoon and whapped Tim on the back of the head.
Due to the exquisite positioning and power of the whappage, the evil spoon ruptured an artery and caused fatal bleeding in the area between Tim's skull and brain.
Somehow Jim died too, but there aren't details on that.
For this fatal silliness, Rick was sentenced to 7 days in jail.
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To the Moon, Alice!
Viorel Leahu of Todiresti, Romania, got sick and tired of his wife's lousy cooking. So rather than learn how to cook for himself, he instead turned on the gas stove and tossed in a lighter.
Along with burning his hand, Viorel now faces up to 3 years in jail for destruction of (his own) property and putting his wife's life in danger.
I wonder if the prison food in Romania is better than his wife's cooking?
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Please Don't Eat the Ballots
In Canada, they leave little to chance in their elections. That would be why they have included instructions in their pamphlets which state "Eating a ballot, not returning it or otherwise destroying or defacing it constitutes a serious breach of the Canada Elections Act."
Appears that during Canada's 2000 elections, the members of the Edible Ballot Society were eating ballots to protest the lack of real choice among candidates.
And now they've ruined it for everyone.
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Tit for Tat
Remember in Japan that school teacher punished a student by making him write an apology in blood? Well, a school teacher in Zimbabwe has a VERY different idea of punishment for the noisy boys in HER class room:
The offending student has a choice of
a.) 100 strokes of the cane
b.) suckling the teacher's breasts
Not surprisingly, the 15 boys given this option, selected the boobie action.
When asked about it, Teach admitted the suckage, but apparently didn't know just why she provided this option to the boys. There's a pretty good chance she's gonna face child abuse charges.
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Therapist Loses License for Shooting Memo
Robert Powers has had his mental health counselor license revoked by the state of Nebraska.
This because he kind of got mad about a memo which said only the manager of his office would have the key to certain supply drawers.
In true Office Space style, Bobby grabbed his .22-caliber handgun and shot the memo many many times before returning it to sender.
A couple of days later he called up the office secretary to tell her he wouldn't be in work that day because he 'might shoot somebody'. Yup, that's a good reason not to be in the office.
I wonder if he also got that memo about the TPS report...
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To the Moon, Alice!
Viorel Leahu of Todiresti, Romania, got sick and tired of his wife's lousy cooking. So rather than learn how to cook for himself, he instead turned on the gas stove and tossed in a lighter.
Along with burning his hand, Viorel now faces up to 3 years in jail for destruction of (his own) property and putting his wife's life in danger.
I wonder if the prison food in Romania is better than his wife's cooking?
***********************
Please Don't Eat the Ballots
In Canada, they leave little to chance in their elections. That would be why they have included instructions in their pamphlets which state "Eating a ballot, not returning it or otherwise destroying or defacing it constitutes a serious breach of the Canada Elections Act."
Appears that during Canada's 2000 elections, the members of the Edible Ballot Society were eating ballots to protest the lack of real choice among candidates.
And now they've ruined it for everyone.
************************
Tit for Tat
Remember in Japan that school teacher punished a student by making him write an apology in blood? Well, a school teacher in Zimbabwe has a VERY different idea of punishment for the noisy boys in HER class room:
The offending student has a choice of
a.) 100 strokes of the cane
b.) suckling the teacher's breasts
Not surprisingly, the 15 boys given this option, selected the boobie action.
When asked about it, Teach admitted the suckage, but apparently didn't know just why she provided this option to the boys. There's a pretty good chance she's gonna face child abuse charges.
**********************
Therapist Loses License for Shooting Memo
Robert Powers has had his mental health counselor license revoked by the state of Nebraska.
This because he kind of got mad about a memo which said only the manager of his office would have the key to certain supply drawers.
In true Office Space style, Bobby grabbed his .22-caliber handgun and shot the memo many many times before returning it to sender.
A couple of days later he called up the office secretary to tell her he wouldn't be in work that day because he 'might shoot somebody'. Yup, that's a good reason not to be in the office.
I wonder if he also got that memo about the TPS report...
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Monday, June 28, 2004
"He Said He Was a Prince"
A mother of two human children in Iranshahr has reportedly given birth to a frog. Medical experts have confirmed that this may in fact have happened and that the froggy even has some human characteristics :"The similarities are in appearance, the shape of the fingers and the size and shape of the tongue."
The theory is that the woman swam in a yucky dirty pool and the frog larva managed to get up there and then grow to maturity…I have my doubts on this one, but found it intriguing.
The frog will be undergoing genetic and anatomic tests.
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For those who are in the dating world, or re-entering it, and want to have a truly wholesome relationship, I present to you the following instructional link. (Typos impact the message, but over-all I've decided to embrace the Date To Save mission...the dating tips are very helpful.)
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From the Castle of Lord Mutter...
Upon returning to their fire station after a call, firefighters in the Dallas suburb of Lancaster found that a pot of potatoes they left cooking on the stove had torched the place and caused about $125,000 worth of damage to the station.
Firefighters from other stations helped to put the fire out, but not before it heavily damaged the kitchen and the living area.
They then took this as a prime time to reinforce the idea that folks should not leave food cooking when leaving their houses.
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And from the desk of Chief MidAtlantic Correspondent Glenn McMillen
Hungarians Fear Mobile Phones Immobilize Sperm
Hungarian scientists have determined that carrying a mobile phone in your hip pockets or on a holster on the waist may cut sperm count by almost 30%. While fertility experts doubt the veracity of this report, the Hungarians insist they are correct.
In the small study, they took a gander at approximately 220 men, checking counts, and then asking if said individuals carried their phones in their pockets. They did not, however, ask things like whether or not the guys smoked, what their jobs were, or if they were under stress...all of which are factors in sperm count levels.
