Saturday, March 20, 2004
Bald is Beautiful
Dissatisfied customer George Kosir has been having a bad hair day for over a year, thanks to an ugly hairpiece that Ultra Hair Studio slapped on his head for a mere $4400. He’s gone to court against Ultra two times now, the first time being awarded another ugly hair piece and this time settling out of court on confidential terms. Ultra has denounced him as ‘a difficult client’ and states ‘we want nothing further to do with him’.
He has been banned from all Ultra Hair Studios, due to his pesty nature. Kosir doesn’t mind, though – he’s now going to a rival hair studio so neener neener Ultra.
@@@@@@@@@@
My Grandmother, My Wife
Rather than settling for being an adoring grandson, 25 year old Narayan Biswas of Panchpara India has married his 80 year old grandmother. No, no, he swears it’s nothing odd. He just wants to be able to be sure she gets her meals and medicine and such and figures that being a hubby will make him that much better at being a provider. Grandma, whose first husband died over 30 years ago, is quite happy with the arrangement. Okay then. I don’t EVEN want to picture what that does to the family tree.
@@@@@@@@@@
Is it Bush or Is It Aliens?
Well SOMETHING made it so South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun was impeached early this month. North Korea says it was George Bush and his plotting ways. The Raelian’s have a different take on it.
You may remember the Raelians, the folks from Switzerland who claim they have cloned humans and that we all are descendents of aliens and Rael (the group’s leader) is responsible for setting up a nice reception area for when the aliens come back. Yeah, that group.
Well, see, the Raelians have a much better explanation for the impeachment. It was nothing political. It was because Roh wouldn’t allow Rael to visit Korea last August, so now the head extraterrestrial, Elohim, is ticked off and got Roh kicked out of his power position.
Makes much more sense to me.
@@@@@@@@@@
Potty Mouth
So the St Petersburg Times reports that officials in the Florida city want to stop all the cursing from those nasty offensive concerts they hold at one of their city parks. Their plan is to fine the performers $500 for each curse word uttered during a performance. To ensure payment, they want promoters to put up a $10,000 cash bond from which the money would be taken at each bleep. If the act has more than $10k worth of cursing, they can’t come back for 18 months.
This came up after some folks who live in St Petersburg were offended by rapper 50 Cent’s filthy dirty nasty mouth. The promoter perspective? Well, Dave Hundley who owns State Theatre in that city said, “I can't tell Mr 50 Cent not to say the F-word. I don't have any control of what an artist is going to do onstage…I don't know if Neil Diamond is suddenly going to say f***.”
Yes, it’s a crazy risky world we live in.
Here’s a weird thing: Imaginary Girlfriend
Everything you always wanted in a relationship except the sex or the girl. Can you say, “Psycho Stalker Chick Flashbacks”?
Imaginary Girlfriend
Something else: fun guncontrol arguments
Dissatisfied customer George Kosir has been having a bad hair day for over a year, thanks to an ugly hairpiece that Ultra Hair Studio slapped on his head for a mere $4400. He’s gone to court against Ultra two times now, the first time being awarded another ugly hair piece and this time settling out of court on confidential terms. Ultra has denounced him as ‘a difficult client’ and states ‘we want nothing further to do with him’.
He has been banned from all Ultra Hair Studios, due to his pesty nature. Kosir doesn’t mind, though – he’s now going to a rival hair studio so neener neener Ultra.
@@@@@@@@@@
My Grandmother, My Wife
Rather than settling for being an adoring grandson, 25 year old Narayan Biswas of Panchpara India has married his 80 year old grandmother. No, no, he swears it’s nothing odd. He just wants to be able to be sure she gets her meals and medicine and such and figures that being a hubby will make him that much better at being a provider. Grandma, whose first husband died over 30 years ago, is quite happy with the arrangement. Okay then. I don’t EVEN want to picture what that does to the family tree.
@@@@@@@@@@
Is it Bush or Is It Aliens?
Well SOMETHING made it so South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun was impeached early this month. North Korea says it was George Bush and his plotting ways. The Raelian’s have a different take on it.
You may remember the Raelians, the folks from Switzerland who claim they have cloned humans and that we all are descendents of aliens and Rael (the group’s leader) is responsible for setting up a nice reception area for when the aliens come back. Yeah, that group.
Well, see, the Raelians have a much better explanation for the impeachment. It was nothing political. It was because Roh wouldn’t allow Rael to visit Korea last August, so now the head extraterrestrial, Elohim, is ticked off and got Roh kicked out of his power position.
Makes much more sense to me.
@@@@@@@@@@
Potty Mouth
So the St Petersburg Times reports that officials in the Florida city want to stop all the cursing from those nasty offensive concerts they hold at one of their city parks. Their plan is to fine the performers $500 for each curse word uttered during a performance. To ensure payment, they want promoters to put up a $10,000 cash bond from which the money would be taken at each bleep. If the act has more than $10k worth of cursing, they can’t come back for 18 months.
This came up after some folks who live in St Petersburg were offended by rapper 50 Cent’s filthy dirty nasty mouth. The promoter perspective? Well, Dave Hundley who owns State Theatre in that city said, “I can't tell Mr 50 Cent not to say the F-word. I don't have any control of what an artist is going to do onstage…I don't know if Neil Diamond is suddenly going to say f***.”
Yes, it’s a crazy risky world we live in.
Here’s a weird thing: Imaginary Girlfriend
Everything you always wanted in a relationship except the sex or the girl. Can you say, “Psycho Stalker Chick Flashbacks”?
Imaginary Girlfriend
Something else: fun guncontrol arguments
Bald is Beautiful
Dissatisfied customer George Kosir has been having a bad hair day for over a year, thanks to an ugly hairpiece that Ultra Hair Studio slapped on his head for a mere $4400. He’s gone to court against Ultra two times now, the first time being awarded another ugly hair piece and this time settling out of court on confidential terms. Ultra has denounced him as ‘a difficult client’ and states ‘we want nothing further to do with him’.
He has been banned from all Ultra Hair Studios, due to his pesty nature. Kosir doesn’t mind, though – he’s now going to a rival hair studio so neener neener Ultra.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
My Grandmother, My Wife
Rather than settling for being an adoring grandson, 25 year old Narayan Biswas of Panchpara India has married his 80 year old grandmother. No, no, he swears it’s nothing odd. He just wants to be able to be sure she gets her meals and medicine and such and figures that being a hubby will make him that much better at being a provider. Grandma, whose first husband died over 30 years ago, is quite happy with the arrangement. Okay then. I don’t EVEN want to picture what that does to the family tree.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Is it Bush or Is It Aliens?
Well SOMETHING made it so South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun was impeached early this month. North Korea says it was George Bush and his plotting ways. The Raelian’s have a different take on it.
You may remember the Raelians, the folks from Switzerland who claim they have cloned humans and that we all are descendents of aliens and Rael (the group’s leader) is responsible for setting up a nice reception area for when the aliens come back. Yeah, that group.
Well, see, the Raelians have a much better explanation for the impeachment. It was nothing political. It was because Roh wouldn’t allow Rael to visit Korea last August, so now the head extraterrestrial, Elohim, is ticked off and got Roh kicked out of his power position.
Makes much more sense to me.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
More People Offended
So the St Petersburg Times reports that officials in the Florida city want to stop all the cursing from those nasty offensive concerts they hold at one of their city parks. Their plan is to fine the performers $500 for each curse word uttered during a performance. To ensure payment, they want promoters to put up a $10,000 cash bond from which the money would be taken at each bleep. If the act has more than $10k worth of cursing, they can’t come back for 18 months.
This came up after some folks who live in St Petersburg were offended by rapper 50 Cent’s filthy dirty nasty mouth. The promoter perspective? Well, Dave Hundley who owns State Theatre in that city said, “I can't tell Mr 50 Cent not to say the F-word. I don't have any control of what an artist is going to do onstage…I don't know if Neil Diamond is suddenly going to say f***.”
Ya wanna know what I think? Click here: Social Comment
Here’s a weird thing. Imaginary girlfriend. Everything you always wanted in a relation except the sex or the girl. Can you say, “Psycho Stalker Chick Flashbacks”?
http://www.imaginarygirlfriends.com/info.php
Dissatisfied customer George Kosir has been having a bad hair day for over a year, thanks to an ugly hairpiece that Ultra Hair Studio slapped on his head for a mere $4400. He’s gone to court against Ultra two times now, the first time being awarded another ugly hair piece and this time settling out of court on confidential terms. Ultra has denounced him as ‘a difficult client’ and states ‘we want nothing further to do with him’.
He has been banned from all Ultra Hair Studios, due to his pesty nature. Kosir doesn’t mind, though – he’s now going to a rival hair studio so neener neener Ultra.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
My Grandmother, My Wife
Rather than settling for being an adoring grandson, 25 year old Narayan Biswas of Panchpara India has married his 80 year old grandmother. No, no, he swears it’s nothing odd. He just wants to be able to be sure she gets her meals and medicine and such and figures that being a hubby will make him that much better at being a provider. Grandma, whose first husband died over 30 years ago, is quite happy with the arrangement. Okay then. I don’t EVEN want to picture what that does to the family tree.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Is it Bush or Is It Aliens?
Well SOMETHING made it so South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun was impeached early this month. North Korea says it was George Bush and his plotting ways. The Raelian’s have a different take on it.
You may remember the Raelians, the folks from Switzerland who claim they have cloned humans and that we all are descendents of aliens and Rael (the group’s leader) is responsible for setting up a nice reception area for when the aliens come back. Yeah, that group.
Well, see, the Raelians have a much better explanation for the impeachment. It was nothing political. It was because Roh wouldn’t allow Rael to visit Korea last August, so now the head extraterrestrial, Elohim, is ticked off and got Roh kicked out of his power position.
Makes much more sense to me.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
More People Offended
So the St Petersburg Times reports that officials in the Florida city want to stop all the cursing from those nasty offensive concerts they hold at one of their city parks. Their plan is to fine the performers $500 for each curse word uttered during a performance. To ensure payment, they want promoters to put up a $10,000 cash bond from which the money would be taken at each bleep. If the act has more than $10k worth of cursing, they can’t come back for 18 months.
This came up after some folks who live in St Petersburg were offended by rapper 50 Cent’s filthy dirty nasty mouth. The promoter perspective? Well, Dave Hundley who owns State Theatre in that city said, “I can't tell Mr 50 Cent not to say the F-word. I don't have any control of what an artist is going to do onstage…I don't know if Neil Diamond is suddenly going to say f***.”
Ya wanna know what I think? Click here: Social Comment
Here’s a weird thing. Imaginary girlfriend. Everything you always wanted in a relation except the sex or the girl. Can you say, “Psycho Stalker Chick Flashbacks”?
http://www.imaginarygirlfriends.com/info.php
Thursday, March 18, 2004
This day in History: March 18, 1961 - The Poppin' Fresh Pillsbury Dough Boy was introduced to a waiting world.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Final resolution to the feral chihuahua saga.
Those who were privy to my minutia-gathering back in November of 2002 may (or may not) remember the story of the feral chihuahuas. In a nutshell, a batty woman had been living in a little house with 60+ birds and 235 chihuahuas who had become wild dogs and taken over the homestead. Animal control officers came in, took the beasties, euthanized some, locked others up (who incidentally ate each other) and attempted to find housing for the others.
Well, 72 year old Emma Harter of Acton, CA, has been convicted finally of a felony animal cruelty charge. Because of her age and also her lack of comprehension that keeping hundreds of dogs in your pigsty of a house is wrong, the prosecution is not asking that Emma be put in prison. Rather, they are requesting that she undergo counseling, be barred from ever owning animals again, and will be asked to pay restitution to LA county for the cost of keeping the yippers in a dog shelter.
Sentencing will take place on Friday.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Not-So-Eternal Flame.
They often say 'It's the thought that counts'. Whomever 'they' are. Hopefully they are residents of Birmingham (England), for their 'eternal flame' that was erected to promote world peace has been snuffed after only three years because of a fight over who should pay the gas bill to keep it lit.
Initially, the big old flame was paid for by the Anglican church, but now that the period of commercial sponsorship has ended, they won't pay. And the City Council won't pay, because the eternal flame is possibly contributing to global warming.
"In a world where we are increasingly aware of greenhouse gases, we need to consider whether burning 12,000 pounds of gas every year is a responsible attitude to the environment," says Ian Ward, head of the council's leisure department.
The Bishop of Birmingham has a different opinion according to his spokesman John Sentamu: that argument is "mildly pathetic" and the flame really should be supported by the council to offer hope to all.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
No Jesus on the Fridge, Please
Urban Outfitters has some folks' panties in a bunch again. This time because they are selling "Normal" Bob's Magnetic Jesus Dress Up! Kits. Much like my own personal magnetic Barbie dress up kit that I have at work, the Magnetic Jesus Dress Up! Toy has a stylish image of Jesus on the cross and various ensembles, including a tutu, flippers, and even a devil's suit!
Normal Bob told NBC10 that he sees his toy as 'religious satire' and says "People have got to learn to laugh at themselves, it's part of human nature."
Yeah, yeah…laughing their way to HELL, Normal Bob!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
More Schtinky Art
What's one of the first phrases you learn when you go to another country? Where's the bathroom, right?
Well in Kawakawa, New Zealand, there is actually a public bathroom that is in fact the tourist destination. It's a big bizarro art deco potty, created by Frederick Hundertwasser, which has been drawing streams of tourists from all over the world for years now. In fact, buses can be seen outside the bathroom from 7am til night, filled with visitors.
Seems people aren't content with just looking at the tiles and plants and 'undulating floor', they want to actually put the potty to the test. And there's the rub. Now it's becoming schtinky and the town council wants it to no longer be a functioning bathhouse, but strictly a piece of art to view and not piss upon.
As Quinn Turton said, "Hundertwasser was a brilliant artist but he knew as much about building a toilet as you do."
But Hundertwasser's old friend Richard Smart insists that the toilets should be kept open: ""I know that Hundertwasser wanted it to be used. It shouldn't stand on its own as a shrine."
The hundertwasser toilets received the coveted Golden Plunger award for best toilets in 2002 from The Bathroom Diaries website.
For additional info and some pics, go here:
http://tinyurl.com/2qf3x
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Final resolution to the feral chihuahua saga.
Those who were privy to my minutia-gathering back in November of 2002 may (or may not) remember the story of the feral chihuahuas. In a nutshell, a batty woman had been living in a little house with 60+ birds and 235 chihuahuas who had become wild dogs and taken over the homestead. Animal control officers came in, took the beasties, euthanized some, locked others up (who incidentally ate each other) and attempted to find housing for the others.
Well, 72 year old Emma Harter of Acton, CA, has been convicted finally of a felony animal cruelty charge. Because of her age and also her lack of comprehension that keeping hundreds of dogs in your pigsty of a house is wrong, the prosecution is not asking that Emma be put in prison. Rather, they are requesting that she undergo counseling, be barred from ever owning animals again, and will be asked to pay restitution to LA county for the cost of keeping the yippers in a dog shelter.
Sentencing will take place on Friday.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Not-So-Eternal Flame.
They often say 'It's the thought that counts'. Whomever 'they' are. Hopefully they are residents of Birmingham (England), for their 'eternal flame' that was erected to promote world peace has been snuffed after only three years because of a fight over who should pay the gas bill to keep it lit.
Initially, the big old flame was paid for by the Anglican church, but now that the period of commercial sponsorship has ended, they won't pay. And the City Council won't pay, because the eternal flame is possibly contributing to global warming.
"In a world where we are increasingly aware of greenhouse gases, we need to consider whether burning 12,000 pounds of gas every year is a responsible attitude to the environment," says Ian Ward, head of the council's leisure department.
The Bishop of Birmingham has a different opinion according to his spokesman John Sentamu: that argument is "mildly pathetic" and the flame really should be supported by the council to offer hope to all.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
No Jesus on the Fridge, Please
Urban Outfitters has some folks' panties in a bunch again. This time because they are selling "Normal" Bob's Magnetic Jesus Dress Up! Kits. Much like my own personal magnetic Barbie dress up kit that I have at work, the Magnetic Jesus Dress Up! Toy has a stylish image of Jesus on the cross and various ensembles, including a tutu, flippers, and even a devil's suit!
Normal Bob told NBC10 that he sees his toy as 'religious satire' and says "People have got to learn to laugh at themselves, it's part of human nature."
Yeah, yeah…laughing their way to HELL, Normal Bob!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
More Schtinky Art
What's one of the first phrases you learn when you go to another country? Where's the bathroom, right?
Well in Kawakawa, New Zealand, there is actually a public bathroom that is in fact the tourist destination. It's a big bizarro art deco potty, created by Frederick Hundertwasser, which has been drawing streams of tourists from all over the world for years now. In fact, buses can be seen outside the bathroom from 7am til night, filled with visitors.
Seems people aren't content with just looking at the tiles and plants and 'undulating floor', they want to actually put the potty to the test. And there's the rub. Now it's becoming schtinky and the town council wants it to no longer be a functioning bathhouse, but strictly a piece of art to view and not piss upon.
As Quinn Turton said, "Hundertwasser was a brilliant artist but he knew as much about building a toilet as you do."
But Hundertwasser's old friend Richard Smart insists that the toilets should be kept open: ""I know that Hundertwasser wanted it to be used. It shouldn't stand on its own as a shrine."
The hundertwasser toilets received the coveted Golden Plunger award for best toilets in 2002 from The Bathroom Diaries website.
For additional info and some pics, go here:
http://tinyurl.com/2qf3x
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
"We need to keep them out of here."
With those words, Rhea County Commissioner JC Fugate proposed a measure to amend state law so that the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature. He also is trying to determine a way to ban all homosexuals from even living in the Tennessee county.
Frighteningly, this ridiculous request was approved 8 - 0 by the rest of the commissioners.
Then again, this is also the county that doesn't believe in teaching evolution (and has an annual celebration of the Scopes Monkey Trial), and also does not allow the teaching of a Bible class in public schools.
Aren't there more important things to worry about, guys? DAMN IT, stupid people REALLY tick me off.
With those words, Rhea County Commissioner JC Fugate proposed a measure to amend state law so that the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature. He also is trying to determine a way to ban all homosexuals from even living in the Tennessee county.
Frighteningly, this ridiculous request was approved 8 - 0 by the rest of the commissioners.
Then again, this is also the county that doesn't believe in teaching evolution (and has an annual celebration of the Scopes Monkey Trial), and also does not allow the teaching of a Bible class in public schools.
Aren't there more important things to worry about, guys? DAMN IT, stupid people REALLY tick me off.
From our usually-silent partner in the MidAtlantic States, Nick Gonzon, there's this tidbit…
Back in the Saddle
Warnings are going out to horse owners in and around Echo Lake, MT to keep an eye out for a horny man who REALLY enjoys riding horses. Most recently, the naked man was observed doing it with a horse in a stable on McCaffery Rd. When he was interrupted, he dashed away in his altogether, leaving behind "his boots and a bottle of hand lotion", per County Sheriff Jim DuPont. This is only the most recent in a series of events.
"It appears we have a serial horse rapist," Dupont said.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Holy Cartman's Mom, Batman!
So now they're going to clean up the sweetly smutty South Park, so that the little cartoon dudes don't offend anyone's sensibilities when they syndicate. As stated by nypost.com, "
"It's all part and parcel of the uproar since Janet Jackson's breast-baring Super Bowl appearance - which spurred a clampdown on broadcast standards. "
South Park is going into syndication in 2005, hoping to prove that folks who don't have cable will think it's funny. It is expected that about 15% of the 155 syndicated episodes are too crude and rude to be cleaned up enough to air on regular tv.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
See, this is why you need to plan things out before you get in too deep
So this 23 year old guy in Somerset was feeling that he wanted to end it all. Images of God on his computer spurred him to attempt to crucify himself. So he pulled out some wood, and built himself a cross. He attached a note that said "suicide" to the cross. And then he nailed one of his hands to the cross.
That's when he realized that this really needed to fall under the category of Assisted Suicide, as he had no way to get the nail through his other hand. So dude called 9-1-1, and they came to assist. Reports state it was unclear if he wanted to be helped OFF the cross or ON, so they cut the wood & had the nail taken out at the hospital.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Terrorist Defense
A man in France saw a guy walking across the street the other day. Because the guy looked an awful lot like Osama bin Laden, he decided to run him down. The pedestrian wasn't, in fact, Osama, and luckily was spry enough to escape injury from the oncoming vehicle.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Didn't See It Comin'
Aurel Blidaru was driving down the road in Timisoara, Romania, when he accidentally ran over an off duty police officer. Driving off with the victim laying in the road behind him, Blidaru was immediately followed by police patrol cars.
When he finally realized it and pulled over, cops were pretty darned surprised to see him climb out of his car wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick. Turns out, Blidaru is legally deaf and blind. His comments?
"I didn't realise that I'd hit someone. I had a feeling I heard some kind of a noise but I thought it was coming from the car engine."
"I've been driving since 1950 and I've never had any problems. I am registered as deaf and blind, but can still see a bit out of one eye, and I know the route so well to the bank that I don't usually have any problems. And I can hear fine - if people shout at least."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Back in the Saddle
Warnings are going out to horse owners in and around Echo Lake, MT to keep an eye out for a horny man who REALLY enjoys riding horses. Most recently, the naked man was observed doing it with a horse in a stable on McCaffery Rd. When he was interrupted, he dashed away in his altogether, leaving behind "his boots and a bottle of hand lotion", per County Sheriff Jim DuPont. This is only the most recent in a series of events.
"It appears we have a serial horse rapist," Dupont said.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Holy Cartman's Mom, Batman!
So now they're going to clean up the sweetly smutty South Park, so that the little cartoon dudes don't offend anyone's sensibilities when they syndicate. As stated by nypost.com, "
"It's all part and parcel of the uproar since Janet Jackson's breast-baring Super Bowl appearance - which spurred a clampdown on broadcast standards. "
South Park is going into syndication in 2005, hoping to prove that folks who don't have cable will think it's funny. It is expected that about 15% of the 155 syndicated episodes are too crude and rude to be cleaned up enough to air on regular tv.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
See, this is why you need to plan things out before you get in too deep
So this 23 year old guy in Somerset was feeling that he wanted to end it all. Images of God on his computer spurred him to attempt to crucify himself. So he pulled out some wood, and built himself a cross. He attached a note that said "suicide" to the cross. And then he nailed one of his hands to the cross.
That's when he realized that this really needed to fall under the category of Assisted Suicide, as he had no way to get the nail through his other hand. So dude called 9-1-1, and they came to assist. Reports state it was unclear if he wanted to be helped OFF the cross or ON, so they cut the wood & had the nail taken out at the hospital.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Terrorist Defense
A man in France saw a guy walking across the street the other day. Because the guy looked an awful lot like Osama bin Laden, he decided to run him down. The pedestrian wasn't, in fact, Osama, and luckily was spry enough to escape injury from the oncoming vehicle.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Didn't See It Comin'
Aurel Blidaru was driving down the road in Timisoara, Romania, when he accidentally ran over an off duty police officer. Driving off with the victim laying in the road behind him, Blidaru was immediately followed by police patrol cars.
When he finally realized it and pulled over, cops were pretty darned surprised to see him climb out of his car wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick. Turns out, Blidaru is legally deaf and blind. His comments?
"I didn't realise that I'd hit someone. I had a feeling I heard some kind of a noise but I thought it was coming from the car engine."
"I've been driving since 1950 and I've never had any problems. I am registered as deaf and blind, but can still see a bit out of one eye, and I know the route so well to the bank that I don't usually have any problems. And I can hear fine - if people shout at least."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Desperate...But Not Serious...
An unidentified Afghan soldier vented his sexual frustrations on...a donkey. Sadly, the two canoodlers' secret getaway - an abandoned house in the town of Gardez - was not quite secret enough. The soldier's explanation for why he was making an ass of himself? Because he could not afford to pay a dowry to get married.
Hey, it works for me!
An unidentified Afghan soldier vented his sexual frustrations on...a donkey. Sadly, the two canoodlers' secret getaway - an abandoned house in the town of Gardez - was not quite secret enough. The soldier's explanation for why he was making an ass of himself? Because he could not afford to pay a dowry to get married.
Hey, it works for me!
Today in History: Mar 16 1949 Erik Estrada of CHiPs fame was born. Oooooh, I'm swoooooning!!!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Don't Call Me Shirley
A Chinese couple didn't notice that their only child was male until puberty hit! For 13 years the pair thought their son was, in fact, a daughter and dressed the child in girl's clothing and imposed the usual female lifestyle expectations upon...uh...him. Then they got concerned when they started noticing a "reaction in the lower half of [her] body" whenever a hot chickie was on TV.
They took their kiddo to the hospital to find out what the problem might be, and it turned out that the reaction is something called an erection. Tee hee.
Doctors determined that, rather than stupid parents, the kid has a rare condition that makes the sexual organs be hidden from view. He's had surgery now, and is a fully functional pubescent male. With a lot of adjustments to do.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Speaking of Erections (what? Me? Obsessed?)
Igancio Cabrera, a very excitable 25 year old, has checked himself into the hospital in Villa Gonzalez with an erection that has lasted (so far) six days. He insists he has not made use of any stimulants or meds of any sort. Docs state he needs immediate surgery, else he may become impotent.
Crowds of tourists and a high number of nurses and doctors have appeared at his bedside to observe his...predicament. Heh.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Career Advice: Check It Before You Send It
To: All Colleagues
Boy, am I an idiot. I wrote this really sexy email to my boyfriend Alex while I was at work at this place called Hobsons (a student careers advice firm), and accidentally sent it to some big old distribution list at the office!
Jeepers, was I embarrassed when the WHOLE COMPANY, practically, got to read that "My sunburn on my back is sore and I need you to rub some moisturiser in for me. We'll have to get some massage oil too...I have to write a sucky 'thank you' email to clients now."
I guess when I got into the sex talk in my letter, about what we could do with all that oil and stuff, well...I must have just gotten too excited to click on Alex's name in my contact list.
So I sent it pretty much company-wide and then those meanies, instead of just telling me I made a mistake, forwarded my personal private message to my love buns ALL OVER the place. To, like, THOUSANDS of people.
I sure hope I don't get fired.
Thank you,
Sharon Dyson.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Last Call
The owner of the Greenwood Hotel in Sydney AU has kicked out a bunch of regulars from the hotel bar. He says they have been casting spells in his pub and he doesn't like it. "People found their behaviour strange and threatening... casting spells on bars in the hotel or clearing bars with certain spells...They talk about casting spells and they brought with them, I believe, a small cauldron." Scary stuff, I tell you. One of the PaganPages (the offending group), Suzanne Maxim, denies any of this. They gather to discuss pagan stuff, but not cast spells...especially not in a hotel bar: "It's not a very sacred space."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Gum Control Measures Loosened in Singapore
Yes, I said Gum Control. Singapore has finally decided to partially lift its ban on chewing gum. In a blow to eager chewers, however, the only acceptable gum will be Nicorette: a foul nicotine gum used by folks trying to quit smoking. Health authorities consider this kind of gum therapeutic and are allowing it to be chewed as part of a free-trade agreement with the US.
Gum has been outlawed in Singapore since 1992, because people were irritated by wads of pre-chewed gum appearing on the streets.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Whoops! Timberrrrrrrrr!
So the people who live in Schieder-Schwalenberg (Germany) complained about a little ash tree growing near their big 500-year-old oak tree. The oak was mighty and majestic, and quite the tourist attraction and brought hundreds of artists to the city on a regular basis. The ash was, well, a 5 year old ash.
The town council therefore sent out some lumberjacks to chop down the offending tree, which they did. Then they accidentally sent out a group of lumberjacks the next day to do the same task. Seeing the big old oak and nothing else, these industrious lads not only chopped the tree down, they then busted it into smithereens to be used as firewood.
A witness has been quoted by ananova as saying, "It was a massacre. They were like animals. They left only the stump."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Don't Call Me Shirley
A Chinese couple didn't notice that their only child was male until puberty hit! For 13 years the pair thought their son was, in fact, a daughter and dressed the child in girl's clothing and imposed the usual female lifestyle expectations upon...uh...him. Then they got concerned when they started noticing a "reaction in the lower half of [her] body" whenever a hot chickie was on TV.
They took their kiddo to the hospital to find out what the problem might be, and it turned out that the reaction is something called an erection. Tee hee.
Doctors determined that, rather than stupid parents, the kid has a rare condition that makes the sexual organs be hidden from view. He's had surgery now, and is a fully functional pubescent male. With a lot of adjustments to do.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Speaking of Erections (what? Me? Obsessed?)
Igancio Cabrera, a very excitable 25 year old, has checked himself into the hospital in Villa Gonzalez with an erection that has lasted (so far) six days. He insists he has not made use of any stimulants or meds of any sort. Docs state he needs immediate surgery, else he may become impotent.
Crowds of tourists and a high number of nurses and doctors have appeared at his bedside to observe his...predicament. Heh.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Career Advice: Check It Before You Send It
To: All Colleagues
Boy, am I an idiot. I wrote this really sexy email to my boyfriend Alex while I was at work at this place called Hobsons (a student careers advice firm), and accidentally sent it to some big old distribution list at the office!
Jeepers, was I embarrassed when the WHOLE COMPANY, practically, got to read that "My sunburn on my back is sore and I need you to rub some moisturiser in for me. We'll have to get some massage oil too...I have to write a sucky 'thank you' email to clients now."
I guess when I got into the sex talk in my letter, about what we could do with all that oil and stuff, well...I must have just gotten too excited to click on Alex's name in my contact list.
So I sent it pretty much company-wide and then those meanies, instead of just telling me I made a mistake, forwarded my personal private message to my love buns ALL OVER the place. To, like, THOUSANDS of people.
I sure hope I don't get fired.
Thank you,
Sharon Dyson.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Last Call
The owner of the Greenwood Hotel in Sydney AU has kicked out a bunch of regulars from the hotel bar. He says they have been casting spells in his pub and he doesn't like it. "People found their behaviour strange and threatening... casting spells on bars in the hotel or clearing bars with certain spells...They talk about casting spells and they brought with them, I believe, a small cauldron." Scary stuff, I tell you. One of the PaganPages (the offending group), Suzanne Maxim, denies any of this. They gather to discuss pagan stuff, but not cast spells...especially not in a hotel bar: "It's not a very sacred space."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Gum Control Measures Loosened in Singapore
Yes, I said Gum Control. Singapore has finally decided to partially lift its ban on chewing gum. In a blow to eager chewers, however, the only acceptable gum will be Nicorette: a foul nicotine gum used by folks trying to quit smoking. Health authorities consider this kind of gum therapeutic and are allowing it to be chewed as part of a free-trade agreement with the US.
Gum has been outlawed in Singapore since 1992, because people were irritated by wads of pre-chewed gum appearing on the streets.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Whoops! Timberrrrrrrrr!
So the people who live in Schieder-Schwalenberg (Germany) complained about a little ash tree growing near their big 500-year-old oak tree. The oak was mighty and majestic, and quite the tourist attraction and brought hundreds of artists to the city on a regular basis. The ash was, well, a 5 year old ash.
The town council therefore sent out some lumberjacks to chop down the offending tree, which they did. Then they accidentally sent out a group of lumberjacks the next day to do the same task. Seeing the big old oak and nothing else, these industrious lads not only chopped the tree down, they then busted it into smithereens to be used as firewood.
A witness has been quoted by ananova as saying, "It was a massacre. They were like animals. They left only the stump."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Monday, March 15, 2004
Today in History: Mar 15, 44 Et tu, Brute? Julius Caesar, ignoring the warnings of astrologer Spurinna, is unaware of the Ides of March. So he is stabbed stabbed stabbed till he dies dies dies at the Pompey theater.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Reading, Writing, and Racism
Special education teacher Yolanda Moorjaney has been arrested for scrawling "hateful, offensive" phrases on the bathroom stalls at PS256 Elementary in Queens, NY.
There have been complaints about the racial slurs since back in January and finally she and her marking pen have been caught. Nasty white chick Moorjaney, who has shaped young minds at the school for 6 years, has been charged with 4th degree criminal mischief and could face 4 years in prison if convicted.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Chop Chop
Someone in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu really needs to get people to stop chopping off body parts. The trend appears to be that if you support your local politician, you should lop off an appendage.
Take, for example, Ganesa Pillai, a 48 year old cook. Ganesa so admires J Jayalalitha that he took a sickle to temple and lopped of 3 fingers from his left hand. This so the gods would look down kindly on the former actress Jayalalitha and give her the political position she so richly deserves.
Last week, a police constable also chopped off 3 of his fingers...this for the more specific reason that Jayalalitha's nick name 'Amma' has 3 letters in the Tamil script. Well then. Choppy choppy. Additional self mutilations in the name of Jayalalitha include one dude cutting out his tongue and dropping it into a pitcher at a temple and another slitting off his thumb.
Jayalalitha has requested that these admirers please stop hurting themselves to show how much they like her.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Grumpy Andy Rooney Calls Mel Gibson a Wacko
Wow! I didn't even know anyone still paid attention to Andy Rooney! Apparently he ticked off over 30,000 people enough with his babble that they each sent him a letter telling him how awful he is. Although during the same segment, Rooney called Rev Pat Robertson a wacko too, people really were upset about the slur against Mel. One quote from a piece of hate mail had the following complement: "[Andy Rooney is an]asinine, bottom-dwelling, numb-skulled, low-life, slimy, sickening, gutless, spineless, ignorant, pot-licking, cowardly pathetic little weasel."
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Stay Away From The Water!
City officials in Aliso Viejo, CA, temporarily considered a ban the use of styrofoam cups after receiving warnings about the highly dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide, which is used in their production. A paralegal working for the city stumbled upon a website that warned that dihydrogen monoxide is
"an odorless, tasteless chemical" that can be deadly if accidentally inhaled. They were a touch red-faced when they realized that dihydrogen monoxide is..uh..H2O...water. The ban has been taken of the docket for now.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Porn Bad For Kids!
XXXchurch.com wants to be sure kids aren't exposed needlessly to porn. Their last PSA got the message across for a short time. It was a dwarf, with a tag line "Porn Stunts Your Growth." That lasted for a bit, till the Little People of America got a wee bit pissed & demanded it be stopped.
So now they've decided to hook up with Porn director James DiGiorgio to make a new anti-porn message complete with happy puppets. The message: parents, keep your porn to yourself; don't share it with your kids.
Though the Little People of America don't have a problem with this, DiGiorgio says that some members of the porn industry have dubbed him a turncoat. Meanwhile, XXXchurch.com founders are getting heat from the religious right (who says they shouldn't be talking with the nasty dirty porn people) and with members of the porn industry who think they shouldn't be criticized.
You can please some of the people some of the time...
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Reading, Writing, and Racism
Special education teacher Yolanda Moorjaney has been arrested for scrawling "hateful, offensive" phrases on the bathroom stalls at PS256 Elementary in Queens, NY.
There have been complaints about the racial slurs since back in January and finally she and her marking pen have been caught. Nasty white chick Moorjaney, who has shaped young minds at the school for 6 years, has been charged with 4th degree criminal mischief and could face 4 years in prison if convicted.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Chop Chop
Someone in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu really needs to get people to stop chopping off body parts. The trend appears to be that if you support your local politician, you should lop off an appendage.
Take, for example, Ganesa Pillai, a 48 year old cook. Ganesa so admires J Jayalalitha that he took a sickle to temple and lopped of 3 fingers from his left hand. This so the gods would look down kindly on the former actress Jayalalitha and give her the political position she so richly deserves.
Last week, a police constable also chopped off 3 of his fingers...this for the more specific reason that Jayalalitha's nick name 'Amma' has 3 letters in the Tamil script. Well then. Choppy choppy. Additional self mutilations in the name of Jayalalitha include one dude cutting out his tongue and dropping it into a pitcher at a temple and another slitting off his thumb.
Jayalalitha has requested that these admirers please stop hurting themselves to show how much they like her.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Grumpy Andy Rooney Calls Mel Gibson a Wacko
Wow! I didn't even know anyone still paid attention to Andy Rooney! Apparently he ticked off over 30,000 people enough with his babble that they each sent him a letter telling him how awful he is. Although during the same segment, Rooney called Rev Pat Robertson a wacko too, people really were upset about the slur against Mel. One quote from a piece of hate mail had the following complement: "[Andy Rooney is an]asinine, bottom-dwelling, numb-skulled, low-life, slimy, sickening, gutless, spineless, ignorant, pot-licking, cowardly pathetic little weasel."
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Stay Away From The Water!
City officials in Aliso Viejo, CA, temporarily considered a ban the use of styrofoam cups after receiving warnings about the highly dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide, which is used in their production. A paralegal working for the city stumbled upon a website that warned that dihydrogen monoxide is
"an odorless, tasteless chemical" that can be deadly if accidentally inhaled. They were a touch red-faced when they realized that dihydrogen monoxide is..uh..H2O...water. The ban has been taken of the docket for now.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Porn Bad For Kids!
XXXchurch.com wants to be sure kids aren't exposed needlessly to porn. Their last PSA got the message across for a short time. It was a dwarf, with a tag line "Porn Stunts Your Growth." That lasted for a bit, till the Little People of America got a wee bit pissed & demanded it be stopped.
So now they've decided to hook up with Porn director James DiGiorgio to make a new anti-porn message complete with happy puppets. The message: parents, keep your porn to yourself; don't share it with your kids.
Though the Little People of America don't have a problem with this, DiGiorgio says that some members of the porn industry have dubbed him a turncoat. Meanwhile, XXXchurch.com founders are getting heat from the religious right (who says they shouldn't be talking with the nasty dirty porn people) and with members of the porn industry who think they shouldn't be criticized.
You can please some of the people some of the time...
