Daily Drivel

Today in History: December 15, 1966 Walt Disney is dead dead dead.

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Link of the Day With Special Commentary provided by Passenger Whitfield:

"A private Christian school that is teaching kids the 'southern' view of slavery. 'He said it offers an accurate portrayal that is overlooked of how many slaves were treated kindly by their owners.'

And we were kind to the Indians and invited them to Thanksgiving dinner, too. "
http://newsobserver.com/news/story/1913619p-8258411c.html

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New Words in Oxford English Dictionary announced

Okey dokey. In case you were wondering what some new additions would be for when you tell someone 'look it up in the dictionary', here's a sampling of the much-needed updates in the new edition of the dictionary:

Benjamin: n. a one-hundred dollar bill; large sums of money

Hoochie: n. a young woman who is promiscuous or who dresses or behaves in a sexually provocative or overtly seductive manner.

Thugged out: adj. resembling a thug in dress or behavior, tough-looking.

Crack ho: n. a prostitute addicted to crack cocaine

Yeah, man, I dropped a Benjamin last night on this hoochie...she was kinda thugged out, but she wan't no crack ho!

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Be Warned: It's Not Easy Being Lord

Hey Beth, how can - I - get to be a Lord just like Lord Mutter?!? How come HE gets to be a card-carrying (he does) lord? Surely you can help me!?!?!

So often I am asked this question, and feel nothing but pity for those who are being left wanting, who are wilting in the shadow of the Mutter. For of course, lordship is not something to be given away or assigned willy nilly, now is it? And it is not my place to divulge the secrets of Lord Mutter and his title.

Well, now there are a slew of British websites offering to allow you to purchase one square foot of the Glencairn Estate in northeast Scotland and supposedly be pronounced Lord, Laird, or Lady of Glencairn.

Don't fall for it. Though your desperation may be great, though you may covet the deed of ownership, map of the property and, yes, the card proving title -- do not succumb to temptation.

Such websites and offers are causing outrage in the ranks of true aristocrats (who do you think pointed this blasphemy out to me in the first place, eh?). In fact, the Earl of Bradford set up a website: www.faketitles.com to explain to the underlings that this purchasing of the title is in fact a scam.

As the Earl says, "I will put it very simply: You cannot purchase a genuine British title."

Huzzah!

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Yet Another Use for Duct Tape

An evil doer broke into little Sabanah Gravesande's house in Georgetown, Guyana, this past Monday and tried to tape her mouth shut (presumably before he moved on to do other evil. Cause just breaking into homes and taping mouths shut is kind of stupid. But I digress.).

Sabanah has been blessed with huge lungs, though, and screamed and bellowed as she and her grandmother fought with the bad guy. Neighbors came racing to the rescue and caught the guy and then duct taped him to a nearby utility pole to wait till the cops came.

As he waited, word is that hundreds of people watched him flapping in the breeze with his duct taped legs, hands, and neck, some of them openly laughing at him.

And that's really what it's all about, isn't it?

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More Insane Floridians! (Hi Ricky!)

Wow. This time, a woman in Florida got really really mad when a neighbor's 130-lb Rottweiler (Rox) lunged at her stupid little faux-dog Yorkshire terrier, Candy.

So she threw a beer bottle at the real dog, kicked it, grabbed its collar, choked it, and slammed its head against the side of the house. This in 'self defense' of her stupid yippy dog.

According to the insane woman, "The dog was as big as me, it seemed...I was afraid to let go..." Yeah. Afraid to let go till she had beaten the fine animal down and strangled it to death.

Rox's owner says that it looked like Rox thought the nutcase was just wanting to play.

Candy's owner says that her yippy thing was 'traumatized' by the events.
If only one could get into the mind of the dog....

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A Reason to Watch Fox News

Zell Miller has announced that upon retirement from the US Senate he will be joining Fox News Channel as a contributor. The lively and invigorating speaker will be seen on a variety of Fox News programs staring January 6th. So tune in, gang!
Should be fun!
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Link of the Day: A new conspiracy! The Eric Conspiracy! http://www.catb.org/~esr/ecsl/ "Around 1987 someone on the newsgroup talk.bizarre uttered a semi-incoherent rant observing that there seemed to be an awful lot of hackers named Eric around -- ``and have you noticed'' (he said) ``that they all have moustaches and they're all UNIX system manglers?'' He then opined that these must be the secret signs of an insidious conspiracy."

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Ugh. Heard about this the other day, but was out of office/not publishing...

Fear and Loathing in Elementary School

November 29th, an 8 year old girl brought small cups of jello to her grade school to sell to other kids at the rate of 3 for a dollar, presumably at her mother's request to earn money for Christmas. A very politically correct teacher who knew that the girl's mom works in a bar decided that they must have been alcohol-laced.
So the 8 year old was suspended for 9 days for violating the school's rule against possessing or distributing something that LOOKS like it might contain drugs or alcohol.
There was no alcohol in the jello (gasp!), but the child has to now go under counseling and undergo drug testing to ensure that she is, in fact, clean.
"The school system's position is, it doesn't matter if it had alcohol in it or not," stated the school's spokesperson.

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Music to Clear Out Pubs

A study has been completed and it can now be conclusively stated that the best way to get drinkers to leave a bar at closing time around Christmas is to play the 1988 hit Mistletoe and Wine, by 64 year old Cliff Richard.
Bar owners observed drinkers' reactions to a variety of holiday music at closing and found they would clear out fastest to Cliff, but also determined to be turn-offs were Silent Night (regardless of version) and Elvis' Blue Christmas.

Speaking of clearing out bars...
Sauerwine, that band that most decidedly did NOT suck last month at Stoney's in Wilmington DE is planning to not suck yet again tomorrow night! A rocking festivus is to be had at 4W5 Café in downtown Wilmington. The specific address is 4 West 5th Street (get it? 4W5 Café? Get it? Get it? Huh? I can't hear you! Seriously, it should be fabulous and I only wish I could attend myself! So go listen to excellent music and get snockered for me,eh?

Let it officially be stated: Sauerwine does not suck. Sauerwine, in fact, does rock. Most mightily so. http://www.sauerwine.com/

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Oops! Accidental Oral Sex!

Last year a 49 year old truck driver became concerned about a rash on his chest and legs, so he went to the Throggs Neck Urgent Medical Care facility in the Bronx to get it checked out.
He was unlucky enough to become the patient of one Brian Shaw of Wilton, CT. Brian apparently forgot where he was during his medical examination of Mr Trucker and accidentally ended up performing oral sex upon him!
Mr Trucker did not appreciate said action, and pressed charges. Brian now is on 6 years probation and had to surrender his medical license.
Interestingly enough, Brian was acquitted of pretty much the same type charges in 2002.
D'oh!
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