Friday, June 11, 2004
Today in History: June 11, 1976 - Wild Cherry's single "Play That Funky Music" was released.
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Regular sex helps students
Werner Habermehl is a German sociologist and he knows the way to bring up the average college student's GPA. Just give him or her regular sex. Yup, Habermehl and his University of Hamberg study team tested a slew of students before and after sex to learn about what IT does to the brain. Turns out that regular sexual activity 'significantly increased mental capability' in students , and celibate students not only needed a longer amount of time to complete the same course, they also received lower grades!
Of course, that could just show that smart people have better pick up lines and thus have more sex, but who really cares? It's an excuse, eh?
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Parachute = Parachute. Umbrella = Umbrella. Umbrella < Parachute.
There's this guy in Chonquing, western China, who reportedly thought that his microwave oven was about to explode and leaped out a window to escape, using an umbrella in a Mary-Poppins attempt to slow his descent.
He actually thought the umbrella would enable him to land safely.
His two broken legs prove otherwise.
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Now THAT's a Porta Potty!
Can't a guy just do his business in peace any more? An unidentified man in Gomel, Belarus, was taking a potty break when he was startled to find that the whole cubicle was moving! Turns out some evil bobbers had tied the potty up with ropes, put it on their truck, and absquatulated with the darned thing!
The 45 year old man was only able to escape after the rope was loosened by the bumpy ride. He popped his head out of the door, found that he was careening full speed through town and hurled himself out of the potty. He busted his collar bone, but all other body parts are fine.
The potty bobbers have been found and prosecuted.
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Wow. Nice to Know Someone Cares
As construction workers prepared to demolish an old apartment building in Japan, they found a surprise. T'was a former employee of the company who never showed up for work about 20 years ago! He was dead. In his jammies. With a newspaper on the kitchen table dated February 20, 1984. Even though the guy did have children (he was divorced), nobody - not family or friends - reported him missing at any time. So nobody looked. How sad.
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Man blown up showing off grenade
"Wanna see what I've got in my pants?" Those may well have been the last words of Webster Mark, a 20ish guy who was trying to pull a grenade out of his trousers to show a friend when the pin got caught on his zipper. The hand grenade exploded just as it should and Webster met his maker. His friend met the doctors at the hospital and is in critical condition.
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Regular sex helps students
Werner Habermehl is a German sociologist and he knows the way to bring up the average college student's GPA. Just give him or her regular sex. Yup, Habermehl and his University of Hamberg study team tested a slew of students before and after sex to learn about what IT does to the brain. Turns out that regular sexual activity 'significantly increased mental capability' in students , and celibate students not only needed a longer amount of time to complete the same course, they also received lower grades!
Of course, that could just show that smart people have better pick up lines and thus have more sex, but who really cares? It's an excuse, eh?
******************************
Parachute = Parachute. Umbrella = Umbrella. Umbrella < Parachute.
There's this guy in Chonquing, western China, who reportedly thought that his microwave oven was about to explode and leaped out a window to escape, using an umbrella in a Mary-Poppins attempt to slow his descent.
He actually thought the umbrella would enable him to land safely.
His two broken legs prove otherwise.
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Now THAT's a Porta Potty!
Can't a guy just do his business in peace any more? An unidentified man in Gomel, Belarus, was taking a potty break when he was startled to find that the whole cubicle was moving! Turns out some evil bobbers had tied the potty up with ropes, put it on their truck, and absquatulated with the darned thing!
The 45 year old man was only able to escape after the rope was loosened by the bumpy ride. He popped his head out of the door, found that he was careening full speed through town and hurled himself out of the potty. He busted his collar bone, but all other body parts are fine.
The potty bobbers have been found and prosecuted.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Wow. Nice to Know Someone Cares
As construction workers prepared to demolish an old apartment building in Japan, they found a surprise. T'was a former employee of the company who never showed up for work about 20 years ago! He was dead. In his jammies. With a newspaper on the kitchen table dated February 20, 1984. Even though the guy did have children (he was divorced), nobody - not family or friends - reported him missing at any time. So nobody looked. How sad.
#################################
Man blown up showing off grenade
"Wanna see what I've got in my pants?" Those may well have been the last words of Webster Mark, a 20ish guy who was trying to pull a grenade out of his trousers to show a friend when the pin got caught on his zipper. The hand grenade exploded just as it should and Webster met his maker. His friend met the doctors at the hospital and is in critical condition.
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Today In History: June 8 1998 - The National Rifle Association elected Charlton Heston to be its president.
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Clean Potty!
Toto, a Japanese toilet making company, has introduced a luxury commode to the US market via the second annual "D: All Things Digital" conference held just north of San Diego, CA.
This coolio potty has, among other fun features, a lid and seat that automatically open and close, a massaging cleansing spray, and a toasty warm dryer for the derrier.
It even can tell if you took a winky tink or a huge plopper and adjusts the flush to accommodate your needs!
How much for this piece of heaven, you ask? A mere $5,000!
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Meanwhile, at Another Conference, this in Bulgaria...
A new currency, the galactos, was unveiled at a UFO convention being held in Bulgaria. The Galactos is a coin made up of chrome and nickel that will be able to be used "as a means of payment between planets. It will represent the Earth in financial relations in the cosmos," according to Kiril Kanev (chairman of the Bulgarian foundation on cosmic intelligence research).
"Extra-terrestrials come into contact with insignificant, ordinary people. We're not talking about government-level relations," he added. So, all you insignificant ordinary people - step right up and get your galactos so you can afford a taxi ride to another planet.
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We're Not Gonna Change Our Fucking Name!
So there's this Austrian village called Fucking that has contemplated changing its name, because their roadsigns keep getting stolen.
Ananova reports that spokesman Siegfried Hoeppl, said: "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking - and it's going to stay Fucking - even though the signs keep getting stolen."
The village is named after Mr. Fuck and his family, who were some of the original settlers in the area. They lived for many a year not knowing that their town name was an obscenety until Allied soldiers stationed there in 1945 explained it to them.
Again, according to ananova: "Similar votes on a name change have taken place recently in neighbouring Austrian towns Wank am see and Petting, as well as in Vomitville and Windpassing."
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Contributed by Lord Mutter:
What an Ass!
Hans du Toit of Philipolis, South Africa, was pulled over for drunk driving the other day. Of course, he was driving a donkey cart, but he was drunk nonetheless, and the darned thing was swerving all over the town's one main road.
He was told not to continue driving, but after the cops left he and his donkey looked at each other and according to reports Hans figured "I know this road and so does my donkeys. If I don't find it, my donkeys will", and he continued on his merry, if unstable, way. <<
Hans says, "The drive was a bit haphazard and I was stopped again by the police," and this time they didn't settle for just a slap on the wrist.
Hans was fined about $300US for his poor judgment. No word on whether or not the donkey was fined.
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Man Fakes Seizure to Escape Bobbers
Tom Beckett was on vacation in China when some hot women lured him into a dead end back alley. Suddenly, five mean bobbers showed up and took him hostage in a nearby building for some evil reason. They found an ATM card in his wallet and demanded the PIN number from the bound and gagged Beckett.
Quick thinker that he is, Tom feigned an epileptic seizure rather than answering them.
The bobbers stole Tom's watch and his cash as he writhed, and then tried to address the seizure by pouring water over him and "massaging his chest". Then they took him out of the building and set him free.
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Clean up Your Own Vomit!
In Victoria, Australia, the police are tired of cleaning up partiers' puke, so they are considering making it law that if you puke on it, you clean it up.
Under the proposed law, if someone is charged with 'anti-social behavior' (public drunkenness, vandalism, and the like), then that person would be forced to clean up the area where s/he was arrested. Said individual would not face a monetary fine in such situations.
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