Friday, October 08, 2004
Today in history: October 8, 1871 Mrs O'Leary's cow proved that bovines are superior beings, and started the Chicago Fire, killing 250 and destroying 17,000 buildings. All together now: Bad Cow!
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Man fights off bear then shoots himself
Marin Cogev is a clutz. Lucky for him, he's still alive. Else he couldn't tell the story of fighting off a 700-lb bear when hunting in Miklovica, Bulgaria. Marin was grabbed from behind by the big old bear and fought and fought till he scared it off by shooting his rifle in the air.
The bear ambled off, and Marin decided to chase after it. So he turned. And tripped. And fell. And shot himself. In the head. And passed out.
Luckily the bullet just grazed his head. So he'll have a cool self-inflicted scar to go along with the bear-inflicted punctured lung and crushed ribs.
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Parents Lose Yet Another Babysitter
A 34 year old woman was babysitting an 11 year old brat the other day, when the demon seed got a bit out of hand. The babysitter told kiddo to feed the dog, and the deranged child freaked out, starting to choke and beat the pup.
The babysitter tried to pry the kid off the dog, so kiddo turned her attention to destroying the human. They raced about, with the girl trying to bludgeon the babysitter with a shovel and with a baseball bat. The babysitter finally hightailed it to safety when the brat grabbed a machete conveniently left in the yard and started chasing her with it.
Babysitter escaped and locked herself and the monster's 12 year old sister in the bathroom, while the beastie girl fled by bicycle. Cops found the kid and booked her for investigation of assault with a deadly weapon.
And I thought it was bad when Chris Ruggeiro locked me out of the house when I was babysitting him. Huh.
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Man fights off bear then shoots himself
Marin Cogev is a clutz. Lucky for him, he's still alive. Else he couldn't tell the story of fighting off a 700-lb bear when hunting in Miklovica, Bulgaria. Marin was grabbed from behind by the big old bear and fought and fought till he scared it off by shooting his rifle in the air.
The bear ambled off, and Marin decided to chase after it. So he turned. And tripped. And fell. And shot himself. In the head. And passed out.
Luckily the bullet just grazed his head. So he'll have a cool self-inflicted scar to go along with the bear-inflicted punctured lung and crushed ribs.
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Parents Lose Yet Another Babysitter
A 34 year old woman was babysitting an 11 year old brat the other day, when the demon seed got a bit out of hand. The babysitter told kiddo to feed the dog, and the deranged child freaked out, starting to choke and beat the pup.
The babysitter tried to pry the kid off the dog, so kiddo turned her attention to destroying the human. They raced about, with the girl trying to bludgeon the babysitter with a shovel and with a baseball bat. The babysitter finally hightailed it to safety when the brat grabbed a machete conveniently left in the yard and started chasing her with it.
Babysitter escaped and locked herself and the monster's 12 year old sister in the bathroom, while the beastie girl fled by bicycle. Cops found the kid and booked her for investigation of assault with a deadly weapon.
And I thought it was bad when Chris Ruggeiro locked me out of the house when I was babysitting him. Huh.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
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Link of the Day: It's important that you know this: http://www.godhatesrags.com/
Isaac Sutton was handcuffed, taken to a juvenile center, and charged with misdemeanor battery and criminal mischief. Cause he slapped and punched the older kid. What a meanie.
Isaac's mom wasn't thrilled. Hence the reporters getting hold of this one.
"He just needs a good talking-to," Mom said. "This doesn't need to be handled in the judicial system."
What a neat idea: parental intervention. Huh.
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Former Employee's Parting Shot?
The Oklahoma dept of tourism had to recall its 2005 Annual Events Guide this week, after noticing a touch late that it was filled with grammatical errors and photos that didn't necessarily make OK look...okay! Fun items included in the pamphlet are the annual Beaver OK cow manure tossing contest (photo included!) and triumphant Confederate battlers with their lovely confederate battle flag waving. Reports say that it also had factual errors.
I myself went on OK's website to order the guide, just on the slim chance that I'll get one of the pamphlets they forget to pull. Keep your fingers crossed!
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More Petrified Food!
On Sept. 22, 1904, Ruth Williams of the Totty's Bend community in Hickman County baked a loaf of bread in her old wood-fired oven and gave it as a gift to her gravely ill sister-in-law, Jenny Lind Williams. And so the excitement began.
Jenny apparently was too ill to eat the bread. So a slice of the carb block went to her daughter, Pearl. Pearl, for completely incomprehensible reasons, kept the piece of bread. "I remember that she kept it wrapped in white tissue paper and showed it to people who came to visit," says her son Tim Anderson.
Pearl kicked the bucket in 1971 and willed the stale slice to Tim. So Tim is now the one who inexplicably pulls out a piece of petrified bread to show his hapless visitors.
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Link of the Day: It's important that you know this: http://www.godhatesrags.com/
Isaac Sutton was handcuffed, taken to a juvenile center, and charged with misdemeanor battery and criminal mischief. Cause he slapped and punched the older kid. What a meanie.
Isaac's mom wasn't thrilled. Hence the reporters getting hold of this one.
"He just needs a good talking-to," Mom said. "This doesn't need to be handled in the judicial system."
What a neat idea: parental intervention. Huh.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Former Employee's Parting Shot?
The Oklahoma dept of tourism had to recall its 2005 Annual Events Guide this week, after noticing a touch late that it was filled with grammatical errors and photos that didn't necessarily make OK look...okay! Fun items included in the pamphlet are the annual Beaver OK cow manure tossing contest (photo included!) and triumphant Confederate battlers with their lovely confederate battle flag waving. Reports say that it also had factual errors.
I myself went on OK's website to order the guide, just on the slim chance that I'll get one of the pamphlets they forget to pull. Keep your fingers crossed!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
More Petrified Food!
On Sept. 22, 1904, Ruth Williams of the Totty's Bend community in Hickman County baked a loaf of bread in her old wood-fired oven and gave it as a gift to her gravely ill sister-in-law, Jenny Lind Williams. And so the excitement began.
Jenny apparently was too ill to eat the bread. So a slice of the carb block went to her daughter, Pearl. Pearl, for completely incomprehensible reasons, kept the piece of bread. "I remember that she kept it wrapped in white tissue paper and showed it to people who came to visit," says her son Tim Anderson.
Pearl kicked the bucket in 1971 and willed the stale slice to Tim. So Tim is now the one who inexplicably pulls out a piece of petrified bread to show his hapless visitors.
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Monday, October 04, 2004
Today in History: October 4 many years ago. Or maybe Oct 5. Tom Hayden might have been born. But he's not telling, cause he's a secretive guy.
Also on this day: Oct 4 1986 Network news anchorman Dan Rather is mugged in New York City. The attacker, one William Tager, shouts the question "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" during the beating. While the "frequency" refers to the wavelength of the transmissions that CBS was beaming into Tager's head, history is still unclear on exactly who "Kenneth" is or why R.E.M. would record a song about it. --dailyrotten
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Many people say 'my life is a soap opera' or 'my life is a movie'...well NOW you can RATE your life using the MPAA rating system! My life is rated NC-17 (YAY!). What's your life's rating?
http://www.readingforresults.com/rating/quiz.htm
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Vibrator closes airport
Lynne Bryant and her staff were working hard scrubbing the cafeteria at Mackay Airport (Australia) when they heard an odd humming noise coming out of a nearby trash can.
They stopped their rubbing and decided to go down to the can and see if they could find the spot where the noise came from.
They called security to see if a man in uniform could come with them. Security obliged, clearing out the airport and stopping flights for an hour or so.
Though it was a messy job, a security guard dove in and found the offender: a vibrator. Gee!
Looking back, Lynne says it really did sound like a vibrator, but it was good to be safe and have proper protection around when this situation came up.
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From Harold 'Snausages' Friedline....
Choking the Chicken Leads to Disaster for Romanian Man
67 year old Constantin Mocanu of Romania, got really really mad at a noisy chicken that was keeping him...up at night. So he raced out of his home in his undies, determined to rid the earth of the offending fowl.
In his haste to kill the bird, Constantin accidentally grabbed his own penis instead of the chicken's neck, and lopped the bugger off! His helpful hound dog then rushed up and ate it!
Constantin has received emergency treatment and is expected to recover, as much as one who accidentally fed his penis to his dog CAN recover.
His explanation? "I confused it with the chicken's neck...I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Bad dog!!!
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Another Bad Dog/Chicken story
Spaso Ivosevic, a hunter from Croatia, became the Hunted this past week. Dude cleaned and loaded his shotgun and leaned it agains the wall of his house as he prepped for his weekly hunting trip.
His evil hound, chasing chickens in the yard, raced by and tripped over the shotgun. Shotgun fired, and Spaso got a thigh full of pellets. Spaso's leg bone was fractured as a result.
Spaso is expected to have a full recovery. No news on the fate of his dog.
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News flash: It is possible for a human male to put 37 pieces of assorted bubblegum varieties into his mouth and still function for 15 minutes before succumbing to a certain level of nausea. Most impressive to this reporter: a bubble can still be successfully blown even with 37 pieces of chewing gum wadded in the mouth.
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Woman Balks at Butter Feat
A woman working in Wilmington, DE, is learning that it is best not to promise things you have no intention of delivering. Perhaps it's a Canadian trait, as she is an import. The woman, who cannot be identified without this editor being bludgeoned about the head, agreed on Friday 1 Oct 2004 that she would eat one (1) stick of cold butter (lightly salted) and keep it down for 60 minutes for the paltry sum of $125. The collection of said money is ongoing, by the way. Contact Lord Mutter if interested.
Apparently she is getting cold feet at this time and is attempting to back out of the wager, citing fear of intestinal distress. Attempting to make use of the Fear Factor argument - "On fear factor you can barf within 15 seconds if needed", the tapdancing has begun with great vigor. As has been pointed out by the Prime Coordinator of this event, "On fear factor you're eating boiled eyes, intestine, and sex organ. On "Juniper" factor you're eating butter."
Will the desperate Canadian save face and eat the butter? Or will she back away in fear from the dairy product, and be haunted by her failure forever?
Stay tuned for updates!
Also on this day: Oct 4 1986 Network news anchorman Dan Rather is mugged in New York City. The attacker, one William Tager, shouts the question "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" during the beating. While the "frequency" refers to the wavelength of the transmissions that CBS was beaming into Tager's head, history is still unclear on exactly who "Kenneth" is or why R.E.M. would record a song about it. --dailyrotten
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Many people say 'my life is a soap opera' or 'my life is a movie'...well NOW you can RATE your life using the MPAA rating system! My life is rated NC-17 (YAY!). What's your life's rating?
http://www.readingforresults.com/rating/quiz.htm
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Vibrator closes airport
Lynne Bryant and her staff were working hard scrubbing the cafeteria at Mackay Airport (Australia) when they heard an odd humming noise coming out of a nearby trash can.
They stopped their rubbing and decided to go down to the can and see if they could find the spot where the noise came from.
They called security to see if a man in uniform could come with them. Security obliged, clearing out the airport and stopping flights for an hour or so.
Though it was a messy job, a security guard dove in and found the offender: a vibrator. Gee!
Looking back, Lynne says it really did sound like a vibrator, but it was good to be safe and have proper protection around when this situation came up.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
From Harold 'Snausages' Friedline....
Choking the Chicken Leads to Disaster for Romanian Man
67 year old Constantin Mocanu of Romania, got really really mad at a noisy chicken that was keeping him...up at night. So he raced out of his home in his undies, determined to rid the earth of the offending fowl.
In his haste to kill the bird, Constantin accidentally grabbed his own penis instead of the chicken's neck, and lopped the bugger off! His helpful hound dog then rushed up and ate it!
Constantin has received emergency treatment and is expected to recover, as much as one who accidentally fed his penis to his dog CAN recover.
His explanation? "I confused it with the chicken's neck...I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Bad dog!!!
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Another Bad Dog/Chicken story
Spaso Ivosevic, a hunter from Croatia, became the Hunted this past week. Dude cleaned and loaded his shotgun and leaned it agains the wall of his house as he prepped for his weekly hunting trip.
His evil hound, chasing chickens in the yard, raced by and tripped over the shotgun. Shotgun fired, and Spaso got a thigh full of pellets. Spaso's leg bone was fractured as a result.
Spaso is expected to have a full recovery. No news on the fate of his dog.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
News flash: It is possible for a human male to put 37 pieces of assorted bubblegum varieties into his mouth and still function for 15 minutes before succumbing to a certain level of nausea. Most impressive to this reporter: a bubble can still be successfully blown even with 37 pieces of chewing gum wadded in the mouth.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Woman Balks at Butter Feat
A woman working in Wilmington, DE, is learning that it is best not to promise things you have no intention of delivering. Perhaps it's a Canadian trait, as she is an import. The woman, who cannot be identified without this editor being bludgeoned about the head, agreed on Friday 1 Oct 2004 that she would eat one (1) stick of cold butter (lightly salted) and keep it down for 60 minutes for the paltry sum of $125. The collection of said money is ongoing, by the way. Contact Lord Mutter if interested.
Apparently she is getting cold feet at this time and is attempting to back out of the wager, citing fear of intestinal distress. Attempting to make use of the Fear Factor argument - "On fear factor you can barf within 15 seconds if needed", the tapdancing has begun with great vigor. As has been pointed out by the Prime Coordinator of this event, "On fear factor you're eating boiled eyes, intestine, and sex organ. On "Juniper" factor you're eating butter."
Will the desperate Canadian save face and eat the butter? Or will she back away in fear from the dairy product, and be haunted by her failure forever?
Stay tuned for updates!
