Friday, September 10, 2004
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Link of the day: Looking for a Good date? Wondering where all the good chicks are? Look no further!
http://datetosave.com/index.shtml
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IMPORTANT COUNTDOWNS:
International Talk Like a Pirate day: Sept 19th - only 9 more days! Note: ITLPD occurs on a Sunday this year, and therefore will be observed in the workplace on Monday, Sept 20th. Revelry is, of course, expected to occur both days. To those of you in Delaware: I STRONGLY recommend we plan on an after hours drinkfest to mark the day. The rest of you, well, I don't really care what you do. HA! http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
Expiration of the 1994 'Assault Weapons' Ban: Provisions of the 'looks like a dangerous assault weapon so it must be bad' ban are scheduled to expire automatically on September 13th - 3 more days! Then you can get your toys with more ease and lower cost, and can have really COOL looking weapons instead of silly looking weapons. Whoo hoo! http://www.awbansunset.com/
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D'oh
A 38 year old man smashed his car into another vehicle then drove away in Loerrach, Germany. He got lost and violated the Code of Man by stopping to ask directions of some police officers.
Silly him. The cops were just on their way to try to find him after receiving a call about the hit-n-run. They compared the license plate number provided by the victim with the plate on Bucky's car...then "We informed the suspect he had found where he needed to go - and we also thanked him for saving us a lot of time and effort."
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Late Procedure
When folks have a baby boy, they may have to wrestle with the decision of whether or not to circumcise the child. Looks like Edwin Bruce Baxter of Vancouver WA finally made his decision this week: yes. Unfortunately for all involved in his decision, the son in question is 8 years old, and Eddie decided to make it a Do It Yourself procedure.
So Eddie took out his Bible, read a couple of passages from it, and started hacking away. Reportedly, he 'became concerned' when his boy started to bleed profusely. Perhaps this is because Eddie is a truck driver and has no medical training. Perhaps this is because Eddie is an idiot freakazoid.
Eddie is in jail now, to be arraigned Sept 17th on charges of first-degree assault of a child.
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Harold " Please don't. I have a thing for cows..." Friedline contributes the following important news byte:
Moo.
Mayor Ellen van Hoodgalem-Arkema is tired of people from her little Dutch town of Spaarnwoude crying about homosexual love making being conducted in the local park and naked folk running about in a sexual free for all.
So she's decided to release the cows upon the land, hoping to scare away the horny folk: "Visitors experience great annoyance from people having sex in public and apparently the presence of the cows turns the people off having sex," the mayor said.
So instead of ho-mo-sex-ual activities, there will be no-moo-sex-ual activities in the park from now on.
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A Loser on Many Levels
John David Woods lost a lot of money on internet gambling, and had to find a way to pay those debts off. What better way, thought he, than to steal from the city to pay them off?
So for the past 3 years he's been stealing from various city halls in the following way: he would rent a car, drive it to a distant city, then sneak into the city hall and grab all the money he could find in the hallowed halls.
He hit about 24 city halls, and stole over $100,000. Guilt-free, or so he thought, because "He said he felt like it wasn't stealing from people because it was money possessed by the city."
Texas prosecutors see it differently, and have successfully seen to it that he be sentenced to 40 years in prison for his burglaries.
Hopefully he doesn't have an internet connection in the slammer.
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Link of the day: Looking for a Good date? Wondering where all the good chicks are? Look no further!
http://datetosave.com/index.shtml
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IMPORTANT COUNTDOWNS:
International Talk Like a Pirate day: Sept 19th - only 9 more days! Note: ITLPD occurs on a Sunday this year, and therefore will be observed in the workplace on Monday, Sept 20th. Revelry is, of course, expected to occur both days. To those of you in Delaware: I STRONGLY recommend we plan on an after hours drinkfest to mark the day. The rest of you, well, I don't really care what you do. HA! http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
Expiration of the 1994 'Assault Weapons' Ban: Provisions of the 'looks like a dangerous assault weapon so it must be bad' ban are scheduled to expire automatically on September 13th - 3 more days! Then you can get your toys with more ease and lower cost, and can have really COOL looking weapons instead of silly looking weapons. Whoo hoo! http://www.awbansunset.com/
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D'oh
A 38 year old man smashed his car into another vehicle then drove away in Loerrach, Germany. He got lost and violated the Code of Man by stopping to ask directions of some police officers.
Silly him. The cops were just on their way to try to find him after receiving a call about the hit-n-run. They compared the license plate number provided by the victim with the plate on Bucky's car...then "We informed the suspect he had found where he needed to go - and we also thanked him for saving us a lot of time and effort."
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Late Procedure
When folks have a baby boy, they may have to wrestle with the decision of whether or not to circumcise the child. Looks like Edwin Bruce Baxter of Vancouver WA finally made his decision this week: yes. Unfortunately for all involved in his decision, the son in question is 8 years old, and Eddie decided to make it a Do It Yourself procedure.
So Eddie took out his Bible, read a couple of passages from it, and started hacking away. Reportedly, he 'became concerned' when his boy started to bleed profusely. Perhaps this is because Eddie is a truck driver and has no medical training. Perhaps this is because Eddie is an idiot freakazoid.
Eddie is in jail now, to be arraigned Sept 17th on charges of first-degree assault of a child.
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Harold " Please don't. I have a thing for cows..." Friedline contributes the following important news byte:
Moo.
Mayor Ellen van Hoodgalem-Arkema is tired of people from her little Dutch town of Spaarnwoude crying about homosexual love making being conducted in the local park and naked folk running about in a sexual free for all.
So she's decided to release the cows upon the land, hoping to scare away the horny folk: "Visitors experience great annoyance from people having sex in public and apparently the presence of the cows turns the people off having sex," the mayor said.
So instead of ho-mo-sex-ual activities, there will be no-moo-sex-ual activities in the park from now on.
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A Loser on Many Levels
John David Woods lost a lot of money on internet gambling, and had to find a way to pay those debts off. What better way, thought he, than to steal from the city to pay them off?
So for the past 3 years he's been stealing from various city halls in the following way: he would rent a car, drive it to a distant city, then sneak into the city hall and grab all the money he could find in the hallowed halls.
He hit about 24 city halls, and stole over $100,000. Guilt-free, or so he thought, because "He said he felt like it wasn't stealing from people because it was money possessed by the city."
Texas prosecutors see it differently, and have successfully seen to it that he be sentenced to 40 years in prison for his burglaries.
Hopefully he doesn't have an internet connection in the slammer.
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Thursday, September 09, 2004
Today in History, Sept 9, more years ago than I care to acknowledge, the funniest freakin' idiot on the face of the earth was born. Raymond Harrington, happy f-in birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Low quality missive today, but I HAD to acknowledge my buddy's birth. So suffer in silence, y'all.
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Link of the day: http://www.pigeoninalawnchair.com/index.htm
And people think - I - have too much spare time.
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Gun Toting Dog Defends Self, Litter Mates
Jerry Allen Bradford of Pensacola, FL, couldn't find anyone to buy his cute n cuddly 3 month old shepherd-mix puppies. So he did what any responsible person would do: decided to blow their brains out with his .38.
So Monday he picks up two puppies (why two, nobody knows): one (intended victim) in his left hand, and the other (the hero dog) cradled in his right arm as he held the weapon. Quick thinking pup #2 realized the danger at hand, reached his cute little paw down and pulled the trigger.
The gun discharged, wounding Jerry in the wrist.
Although Pup2 was too late to save 3 of his brethren, the remaining 4 are in fine shape and up for adoption. Jerry is under arrest, charged with felony animal cruelty.
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Cannabis Clown Crashes Cop Cavorting
A 17 year old German and his buddies decided Friday night to crash a party at a local sports club. Dude went up to a guy who looked like he might be up for some fun. Offered to sell him some pot, if he wanted to smoke something stronger than smigs.
Bummer for him. It was a party filled with off duty policemen.
D'oh!
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Poof! No more village!
If you meet someone next time you're out and about, and said person says s/he is from New Rome, OH, that person is lying. For New Rome OH no longer exists. The tiny village has been dissolved due to its failure to pass a tax budget in 2004 and failure to follow election laws.
I've learned something new: if it's a town of 150 residents or less, it can be annihilated with the stroke of a pen.
Cool.
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Low quality missive today, but I HAD to acknowledge my buddy's birth. So suffer in silence, y'all.
***********************************************
Link of the day: http://www.pigeoninalawnchair.com/index.htm
And people think - I - have too much spare time.
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Gun Toting Dog Defends Self, Litter Mates
Jerry Allen Bradford of Pensacola, FL, couldn't find anyone to buy his cute n cuddly 3 month old shepherd-mix puppies. So he did what any responsible person would do: decided to blow their brains out with his .38.
So Monday he picks up two puppies (why two, nobody knows): one (intended victim) in his left hand, and the other (the hero dog) cradled in his right arm as he held the weapon. Quick thinking pup #2 realized the danger at hand, reached his cute little paw down and pulled the trigger.
The gun discharged, wounding Jerry in the wrist.
Although Pup2 was too late to save 3 of his brethren, the remaining 4 are in fine shape and up for adoption. Jerry is under arrest, charged with felony animal cruelty.
***********************************************
Cannabis Clown Crashes Cop Cavorting
A 17 year old German and his buddies decided Friday night to crash a party at a local sports club. Dude went up to a guy who looked like he might be up for some fun. Offered to sell him some pot, if he wanted to smoke something stronger than smigs.
Bummer for him. It was a party filled with off duty policemen.
D'oh!
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Poof! No more village!
If you meet someone next time you're out and about, and said person says s/he is from New Rome, OH, that person is lying. For New Rome OH no longer exists. The tiny village has been dissolved due to its failure to pass a tax budget in 2004 and failure to follow election laws.
I've learned something new: if it's a town of 150 residents or less, it can be annihilated with the stroke of a pen.
Cool.
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Link of the Day:
Freddie is a dog. Freddie has a blog spot. Do not dismiss it as nonsense. It's truly the work of either a brilliant dog or a demented human.
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Lost: Man Who Needs Penis Chopped Off
Doctors at a Romanian hospital are desperately searching for a man who needs his penis removed or he'll die.
Seems the 42 year old fugitive was out drinking with good friends the other night. He lost a bet, and therefore jammed his member into a metal ring. The ring got stuck.
He was too embarrassed to get help, and left it there. Along with causing agonizing pain to the man, the ring also successfully cut off blood supply to the formerly mighty staff and gangrene had set in. Bozo finally went to the hospital after 2 days, where he was told that he had to say goodbye forever to his wingding and all the fun activities they had shared.
"The blood supply by that time had been cut off for too long, and there was nothing we could do. We told him we would need to cut it off so that the necrosis does not spread to his body."
Bucky ran away. Docs say if he's not found, he will die.
And what a way to go!
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Contributed by the curmudgeonly Glenn McMillen
Feel the Love
GW has done it again. This time, Dub was doing his political duty and stumping for votes in Poplar Bluff, MO. As he pushed to limit 'frivolous lawsuits' that drive up the cost of health care and run down our country's fine doctors, he mentioned the terrible toll that these lawsuits are having on the OB/GYN practice, especially.
"We've got an issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
So true, George, so true.
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Christian School Changes Honor Code After Cheating Survey
Officials at Lipscomb University in Tennessee were 'shocked' to learn that almost half of its students cheat on exams. Up until now, students at the Church of Christ affiliated school were expected to be honest and to rat on fellow students if they observed any untoward activities.
Then an anonymous student survey showed up showing that maybe some folks weren't perfect and honest at all times. The school took this as an indication that perhaps the professors needed to become involved in watching their own damned classes during exams and maybe reading the essays written and checking for plagiarism.
What a unique concept!
Freddie is a dog. Freddie has a blog spot. Do not dismiss it as nonsense. It's truly the work of either a brilliant dog or a demented human.
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Lost: Man Who Needs Penis Chopped Off
Doctors at a Romanian hospital are desperately searching for a man who needs his penis removed or he'll die.
Seems the 42 year old fugitive was out drinking with good friends the other night. He lost a bet, and therefore jammed his member into a metal ring. The ring got stuck.
He was too embarrassed to get help, and left it there. Along with causing agonizing pain to the man, the ring also successfully cut off blood supply to the formerly mighty staff and gangrene had set in. Bozo finally went to the hospital after 2 days, where he was told that he had to say goodbye forever to his wingding and all the fun activities they had shared.
"The blood supply by that time had been cut off for too long, and there was nothing we could do. We told him we would need to cut it off so that the necrosis does not spread to his body."
Bucky ran away. Docs say if he's not found, he will die.
And what a way to go!
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Contributed by the curmudgeonly Glenn McMillen
Feel the Love
GW has done it again. This time, Dub was doing his political duty and stumping for votes in Poplar Bluff, MO. As he pushed to limit 'frivolous lawsuits' that drive up the cost of health care and run down our country's fine doctors, he mentioned the terrible toll that these lawsuits are having on the OB/GYN practice, especially.
"We've got an issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
So true, George, so true.
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Christian School Changes Honor Code After Cheating Survey
Officials at Lipscomb University in Tennessee were 'shocked' to learn that almost half of its students cheat on exams. Up until now, students at the Church of Christ affiliated school were expected to be honest and to rat on fellow students if they observed any untoward activities.
Then an anonymous student survey showed up showing that maybe some folks weren't perfect and honest at all times. The school took this as an indication that perhaps the professors needed to become involved in watching their own damned classes during exams and maybe reading the essays written and checking for plagiarism.
What a unique concept!
