Thursday, December 09, 2004
Link of the Day: for those of you with a song stuck in your head, here's a solution! http://prettypictures.com/maim/
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Did We Land on the Moon?
For years people have tried to convince me that we never landed on the moon, and I resisted their 'proof' and trusted the Government. The photographic evidence was, in my opinion, bunk. However, looking at this display of previously unseen shots...well...it's starting to make me wonder.
Especially Exhibit G. It's got me thinking. A LOT.
http://www.dc8p.com/html/moonhoax.html
(Republished post from previous missive, worthwhile though.)
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What NOT to do when drunk #322
So a 41 year old drunken wench was taken to the hospital after crashing her car and busting her head. Realizing that she was going to have a blood alcohol test, and that she was destined to fail, she did what any mature woman would do. She ran to the bathroom in the hospital and locked herself in.
Staff tried to get her to come out by talking, yelling, begging, pleading, and ultimately using a crowbar, but had no success. So they ended up calling the fire department and they were able to force open the door and drag the slut out.
Not surprisingly, the BAC test was administered, chickie failed, and now has lost her license and been charged with drunk driving.
Likely she also has to pay for the busted bathroom door, eh?
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From Harold Been There Done That Friedline...
An unidentified man in Minneapolis has been racing about the city naked and entering people's homes, but won't be doing that any longer.
A canine unit was called to a house on Park Avenue South and found Super Naked Dude doing his thing. Super Naked Dude got mad and started hitting the cop who told him to get out. So the cop's dog leaped and CHOMP grabbed Not So Super Naked Dude by his family jewels. OUCH!
Surprisingly, NSSND kept on attacking the cops even with the dog hanging off his jumblies, and ultimately had to be dropped via a stun gun.
The dog is now on desk duty while the incident is being reviewed.
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And now a brief Science and Nature Break...
Study: Strange-voiced whale at large in the ocean
"A lone whale, with a voice unlike any other, has been wandering the Pacific for the past 12 years, American marine biologists said Wednesday. Using signals recorded by the US navy to track submarines, they traced the movement of whales in the Northern Pacific and found that a lone whale singing at a frequency of around 52 hertz has cruised the ocean since 1992.
Its calls, despite being clearly those of a baleen, do not match those of any known species of whale, which usually call at frequencies of between 15 and 20 hertz. The mammal does not follow the migration patterns of any other species either, according to team leader Mary Anne Daher. The calls of the whale, which roams the ocean every autumn and winter, have deepened slightly as a result of aging, but are still recognizable. The study by scientists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, appears in the New Scientist magazine. "
My thoughts:
I think it's actually an alien. I support my theory based not only on its strange voice imprint, but also on the fact provided by the Wood Hole Oceanographic Institution that it only roams the ocean every autumn and winter. Where, then, does it go during the spring and summer? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Proof.
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Hmmm...
The Estancia La Jolla, a big spiffy hotel in La Jolla, CA, will be offering a unique turn-down service in the next couple of weeks. For a fee, a staffer will dress as an elf, enter patrons' children's rooms, help with composing a list to Santa, read a Christmas story and tuck the kiddies into bed.
Spokeswoman Marissa Edwards says that each encounter is about 30 minutes and is not limited to children. The oddly dressed staffers will be happy to tuck in grown ups as well.
Why am I picturing Michael Jackson?
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Today in History: Dec 7, 1941 A Day That Will Live In Infamy.
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Link of the day: National Geographic has compiled a pretty neat 'best of' list. Observe Nat Geo's Quirkiest Stories / discoveries of 2004 http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/12/1203_041203_quirky_stories.html
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Angel on My Shoulder
Alejandra Martinez drove her car through a stop sign in Anderson, IN, yesterday and slammed BAM into another car. Her vehicle then careened off the road, through a chain link fence, and into a concrete porch. In so doing, a 12-foot long metal fence post slammed through her mouth and straight out the back of her neck.
And she lived!
Wide awake when emergency crews came, Alejandra is now in the hospital recovering from surgery.
Everyone is saying she was so very lucky and that she has a guardian angel etc. Personally, I'm thinking that her guardian angel had maybe stopped at Krispy Kreme or something at that moment.
Oh - she had a passenger in the back seat: escaped unscathed. Now THAT's having a guardian angel.
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And Now For Something Completely Different
Cat man got stuck up tree ---straight from ananova
An Italian man who believes he's a cat had to be rescued by firemen when he got stuck up a tree.
Shoppers spotted the man at the top of the tree mewing for help and called rescue services after he was still there more than an hour later.
Attempts by local kids to coax him down with a saucer of milk failed, and as a result the 46-year-old cat-man had to be carried down a ladder by firemen.
He was taken to hospital in Milan where he is undergoing psychiatric tests, news website Tgcom reported.
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Another Nightmare Marriage
Scott McKie and Victoria Anderson had been dating for 2 months and realized deep down inside that they should be married. So get hitched they did, with a nice big wedding and, of course, an excellent reception with plenty of alcohol.
So they got married and went off to party with the gang. They remained in a state of wedded bliss for approximately 90 minutes, till Scott made a rude toast to the bridesmaids. Vicky got mad and slammed him in the skull with an ashtray.
So, of course, Scott grabbed a hat-stand from the corner and hurled it towards his loving bride 'like a javelin', according to witnesses.
Cops were called and Scott practiced his head butting technique on one of them and punched out another one prior to being dragged out of the reception and to jail. At this time, Vicky decided that maybe it just wasn't meant to be: she cancelled their honeymoon plans and began divorce proceedings.
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Please Stay On The Line
Beijing Suicide Research and Prevention Center started up a suicide prevention hotline last year, due to the extremely high rate of suicides in China (estimated to be 4 people per MINUTE). But it seems they kind of forgot to staff the darned thing, or maybe to purchase more than one phone.
Word is that about 9 out of 10 callers to the number get a busy signal. The BSRPC is blaming a shortage of funds.
I'm thinking' it's more like a shortage of brain cells when planning the darned thing.
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Crazy Woman Driver
47 year old Kathy Feaganes Allen was driving along in a parking lot at the same time that a trio of boys were playing ball in the same lot with a teeny tiny golf ball. They accidentally lost control of the ball and it hit PLINK the side of Kathy's SUV. The boys apologized, no damage was done, and all was well with the world.
Kathy started to drive away and then apparently became possessed. She slammed a U-Turn, ran over a median, and bore down upon the kids. She hit one dead-on and nipped another, then turned her attention to the third. Lucky for him, a light pole ended up being hit by the SUV, instead of him.
Then reports have it that Kathy got out of the vehicle, and proceeded to calmly smoke a cigarette as the kids were there writhing on the ground in pain. According to witness Russell McPhee: "After she ran them down, she got out of the car and lit a cigarette like a movie star."
Yup, just like a movie star...
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Link of the day: http://www.fimoculous.com/year-review-2004.cfm The notorious Lists Page. Lists are just starting to come in for 2004, so you might want to bookmark this one and check back obsessively every 37 minutes for updates.
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Santa Good, Satan Bad
In York, clergy folk are all beside themselves with rage due to a new Christmas tourist attraction. The holy men have advised York Dungon that the planned Satan's Grotto exposes children to 'evil forces' and should not be put up.
Rather than going up to Santa and sitting on HIS knee, kiddies get to toddle on up to a scary creature in a dark cloak with a red face and horns. After placing their requests, the kids get little gifts like thoughtfully severed fingers and other body parts, instead of the minty candy canes Santa offers. They even get the option to sign their souls away via a Satanic scroll.
According to the Rev John Billingham: "Children going in there is one thing, but making requests to Satan is quite another. There is the potential for harm.... For thousands of years, even beyond the teaching of the Bible, it has been recognised that such a being known as the Devil or Satan exists....He is not a product of the imagination, but the embodiment and personification of all that is evil. He adversely and dreadfully affects all who allow him to influence their lives, wittingly or unwittingly."
I don't know about you, but I think it sounds cool! Anyone want to pay my airfare?
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Stupid Bad Driving Excuse # 327
A 23-year-old Italian police officer was stopped and arrested after drunkenly driving about 20 miles the wrong way down a busy highway.
When asked why he continued driving for so darned long, he declared that he believed everyone else on the road was going the wrong direction.
He's a thinker, that one. And yes, he's still a cop.
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And This Will Prove What???
So the other day there was an outburst of racist chanting at a Spanish football game between Getafe and Barcelona, held at Getafe's Colisum Alfonso Perez. The president of the Getafe team has decided that the best way he and his team can fight this racism is if, for the next game, his white players paint their faces black. This blackface would show that the Getafe squad is sensitive and has a sense of solidarity with black players.
When asked what he thought about it, player Gica Craioveanu suggested that perhaps playing a special match sans make up migth be a bit more appropriate. Playing this special match to raise social awareness of the racist problem in Spanish football "would be a better idea."
Silly him. It's not like black face has ever been considered a racist insult in and of itself...
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Watch the Flu Come Your Way!
If you have any hypochondriac friends, might want to direct them to this site: http://tamiflu.com/consumer_flualert.asp . There you can download a flu tracker program that will give you updates as to how sickly your neighbors are! Even without downloading, you can do a quick check by zipcode to see how close to death you are. Once downloaded, you can look at a pretty plague-related map to show you the nastiest snottiest regions of the US. Fun fun fun!
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Church Fall Down Go Boom.
1:40 pm, Sunday services wrapped up at the Zion Hill Baptist Church in Cincinnati, OH. Folks all left the building, off for a day of merriment and football and such.
By 3pm, the church was no longer. Seems the walls of the church didn't have any steel reinforcements within the cinder blocks, and the whole darned thing just collapsed! BOOM! Any other day, there likely would have been folks in the church praying and whatnot, but not on this Sunday.
"God must be telling us it's time to move," said Jerry Givens, a member for 30 years. "And that's what we'll do."
(psst...Jerry...that moving thing...kind of obvious, don't you think?)
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Lost en route from France:
Lost: small blue case containing slab of plastic explosives
Last Seen: Case was put in random (unknown) airline passenger's luggage as part of a security training exercise. Explosives not detected before luggage was placed on one of possible flights.
Has sentimental value for the French police. Please return!
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