Thursday, August 26, 2004
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Link of the Moment: http://www.onelife.com/evolve/degen.html "The rate of human descent is perhaps thousands of times faster than the rate of its ascent. Unless checked, the modern human (Homo sapiens), as a species, will soon collapse. The degeneration is already apparent."
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Editor's Note: A Sincere Retraction. In yesterday's edition, this editor indicated that the Call From the Lord that saved Mary Dhume from being smooshed by a pickup truck was NOT from Lord Mutter. It pains me to admit that this was pure speculation on my part. In fact, it WAS none other than Lord Mutter who called Mary and saved her life.
I regret the error, and hope that my readership will forgive my lapse in judgment.
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Short Attention Span Theatre
So you love your reality shows, but you just don't have the time to sit there and stare vacantly at the TV for an hour. What's a body to do? How's about THIS: Check out 'Genius on a String', a new reality show being released this week in New York.
What makes "Genius" so special? It's only 2 minutes long. There's a little tiny plot: two or three teams compete to "create a buzz" for a new invention. Quickly.
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Now THAT'S a Mighty Poo
19 year old Jesse Huffman is having problems crossing the border from Canada back to the good old USofA. He and his buddies were stopped by Canadian border guards due to possession of alcohol discovered during a random search.
Jesse heard the call of nature, and asked to use the facilities. And boy did he use them. He took a poop that completely blocked the toilet and for that he is to be greatly punished. He said that he used 'at most' a fifth of a roll of toilet paper, not enough to block the potty.
But blocked it is, and Jesse has been arrested for criminal mischief, which carries a possible penalty of jail time and a $1,000 fine.
That stinks.
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http://www.chemtrailcentral.com/
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Kevin has a playroom, a doll-sized Corvette, his own pet dog, and a $2,000 savings fund put aside for when he goes to college. In his spare time, Kevin enjoys fishing with his dad at a pond near their home.
Pat says, "With every kid that you adopt, you promise to love them and be a good parent and take care of this child. And that's what we did with Kevin."
Oh my goodness.
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A Call From God
Mary Dhume was hanging out in her Summerford, OH, living room watching TV the other night. Phone rang, and she got up to answer it, but there was nobody on the other end. Must have been God, according to Mary, telling her to get out of the way.
As she stood there, answering The Call of The Lord (not Mutter), a pickup truck came smashing into her living room BAM right where she had been sitting. She could have been SMOOSHED!!!!!!!!!
Gives new meaning to the phrase 'saved by the bell'.
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Bring out yer dead!
Paul Meintjes died about 2 months ago, and ever since that day has been lying in a coffin next to his widow's bed at home in Hertzogville (South Africa). Why? Because his widow was told by a prophet that Paul was going to rise from the dead.
Unfortunately, the only thing rising is the stench of death in the household. Now the police have been granted permission by the courts to take the body and give it a proper burial, citing public health concerns.
I should think that Paul's eternal spirit will appreciate the move as well.
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Talk about a test drive!
A guy in South Ogden, UT, really made good use of his time during a recent test drive of a used vehicle. As he and the salesman drove around, he stopped not at one but at TWO banks. The second of which he robbed.
Cool thing is, when he ran out of the Wells Fargo with his cash, the salesguy was out of the car. So Mr Thief was able to just drive off and when caught only be charged with suspicion of having a stolen car (the FBI hasn't pressed the robbery charge yet): no kidnapping involved.
Word on the street is: the guy is NOT going to buy the car, as the cops WERE able to catch him.
Darn.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
This is truly one of the most paranoid websites I have stumbled across to date.
Forget the chemtrail soup. This is wonderful.
But as stated by the webmaster Barbara Wiowala: " 'THEY' ARE MAKING MY IMAGES DARKER! ".
So soon you may not be able to see the PROOF that the alien Snake Empire has started taking over our world. Hurry in to view the pictures that she has run through her special photoshop filter to be able to see the True Entity lurking under the Human Costume.
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I Recommend Mapquest.com
A bunch of anti-abortionists decided to have a big old protest outside the house of an executive with Planned Parenthood Mohawk Hudson. So 50 or so of the activists gathered in front of the pre-designated house, bellowing "Evil dwells here" through a bull-horn, and waving posters of mutilated fetuses.
Bummer they were at the wrong house, and were instead protesting outside the home of a couple and their little 2 month old daughter.
Sheesh.
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Watch That First Step - It's a Doozy
Dave Turver and Jacky Winter planned a great wedding for this past Friday the 13th. So they dumped thousands of bucks on the reception plans and booked hotel rooms and such for their 180 guests, booked the Archbishop's Palace in Kent, England. They were set.
Night before the wedding, Dave went to sleep in his brother's house. Started sleepwalking, climbed out of an upstairs window and crashed BAM into the ground below! He broke a bunch of ribs, suffered severe bruising, not to mention a very rude awakening. He dragged himself around to the front of the house where he ultimately woke his brother and got some medical aid.
Dave told Jacky to go on without him, and have a blast at the reception, but that he couldn't go through with the wedding just yet. Dave hung out in the hospital for 6 days, and is still taking meds for his excrutiating pain.
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Them's Fightin' Words!
Mensa candidate and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il does not work and play well with others. But he can put together some highly descriptive sentences, which show that he indeed is the peace-monger and GW is the war-monger.
Observe his recent comments regarding our fearless leader GW:
[Mr Bush is] "a political imbecile bereft of even elementary morality as a human being and a bad guy, much less being a politician...[he is a] tyrant that puts Hitler in the shade and his group of such tyrants is a typical gang of political gangsters."
Oh yeah? Well so's your MOM!
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A Reason to Watch the Olympics
BBC Olympics reporter Sharron Davies and her nipples are causing a ruckus. Apparently, her impressive tittilage is distracting, and has diverted attention from pool activities during her reporting. The BBC has even received complaints from viewers who can't see what's going on in the pool because of her nips.
The proposed solution: cameramen are only to shoot images of Sharron from the shoulders up when she's reporting from the pool. According to Sharron, this is NOT being implemented and is just a silly rumor.
Sharron's thoughts on the matter? "If it means more people are watching the Olympics, then it's a positive thing.They might learn a lot about swimming, get drawn into the sport and actually find they enjoy it!
