Friday, April 16, 2004
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Mark McGowan is at it again!
The odd political performance artist THIS time is dragging a television roped to his ear through the streets of Milan to protest, as he says, 'excessive political control over the media'. He's a third of his way through his planned 2 mile route, which should end up at the steps of Fininvest, the headquarters for the largest commercial broadcaster in Italy.
First time (I think) he showed up in my missive it was a few months ago when he pushed a peanut through the streets of London with his nose till he got to 10 Downing street. That one was a protest against high education costs. Previously I reported on his truly amazing feat of sitting in a bathtub filled beans for two weeks, with sausages around his head and chips up his nose. That one was a protest against people shying away from traditional English breakfasts.
For amazing shots, observe here.
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Oops! Wrong Target!
The plan was this: Christopher Bonadiman would drive the car past the target while his passenger, Richard Allen Eppard, would fire the semiautomatic weapon at said target. Seems pretty clear. Apparently Richard isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, and he accidentally shot Christopher in the head. After the car crashed, Eppard ran away. Later he thought better of it and turned himself in to police.
Comment from the police: "I would say that this is probably one of the stupidest people we've come across in a very long time," police Sgt. Mark Weissmann said. "But at least he was responsible enough to turn himself in."
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Funny Funny Funny
Jeffrey Barber is a funny guy. He thought it would be oh-so-funny to scare his wife into thinking he'd been shot. So he fired his .22-caliber rifle in the house & then smeared himself with tomato sauce and lay down on the floor. Boy oh boy was it a riot when his wife called 911 & they came out to the house. He ended up laughing himself straight back to prison on charges of violating parole by illegal ownership of many firearms and is facing a mandatory 15-years to life sentence.
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Tenn. man arrested after changing pants
Kendrick Gibson failed to surrender himself for driving with a suspended license. So the police came over to his house in Nashville, TN, to drag him down to the station. In front of them, he started getting dressed in blue jeans. He suddenly stopped, pulled those jeans off & went for another pair. Not buying the 'maybe he needs his fat jeans' theory, the cops looked at the discarded pants and found some crack cocaine and marijuana in the pockets. So now Mr Gibson has added to his troubles by adding on charges of felony possession of crack for resale and misdemeanor marijauna possession.
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Police quiz Daryl Hannah over Kill Bill poses
--ananova
Daryl Hannah has been questioned by police after she struck kung fu poses at the LA premiere of Kill Bill: Vol 2.
The actress gets nervous when meeting the press at glitzy events so decided to hide behind her assassin character Elle Driver.
She told Teen Hollywood: "I usually just race into theatres at premieres. But this time I thought I would walk in like Elle with her cocky attitude and stuff.
"So I went through the press line and I was standing on my car and doing kung fu and giving them the finger or whatever.
"Then when I came out of the theatre, there were five policemen waiting for me, wanting me to take a breathalyser test."
Hannah said they talked to her for a minute or so before letting her go: "They said: 'Well, you seem okay.' They couldn't seem to understand that I was just acting. It was weird."
Mark McGowan is at it again!
The odd political performance artist THIS time is dragging a television roped to his ear through the streets of Milan to protest, as he says, 'excessive political control over the media'. He's a third of his way through his planned 2 mile route, which should end up at the steps of Fininvest, the headquarters for the largest commercial broadcaster in Italy.
First time (I think) he showed up in my missive it was a few months ago when he pushed a peanut through the streets of London with his nose till he got to 10 Downing street. That one was a protest against high education costs. Previously I reported on his truly amazing feat of sitting in a bathtub filled beans for two weeks, with sausages around his head and chips up his nose. That one was a protest against people shying away from traditional English breakfasts.
For amazing shots, observe here.
***************************************
Oops! Wrong Target!
The plan was this: Christopher Bonadiman would drive the car past the target while his passenger, Richard Allen Eppard, would fire the semiautomatic weapon at said target. Seems pretty clear. Apparently Richard isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, and he accidentally shot Christopher in the head. After the car crashed, Eppard ran away. Later he thought better of it and turned himself in to police.
Comment from the police: "I would say that this is probably one of the stupidest people we've come across in a very long time," police Sgt. Mark Weissmann said. "But at least he was responsible enough to turn himself in."
********************************
Funny Funny Funny
Jeffrey Barber is a funny guy. He thought it would be oh-so-funny to scare his wife into thinking he'd been shot. So he fired his .22-caliber rifle in the house & then smeared himself with tomato sauce and lay down on the floor. Boy oh boy was it a riot when his wife called 911 & they came out to the house. He ended up laughing himself straight back to prison on charges of violating parole by illegal ownership of many firearms and is facing a mandatory 15-years to life sentence.
******************************
Tenn. man arrested after changing pants
Kendrick Gibson failed to surrender himself for driving with a suspended license. So the police came over to his house in Nashville, TN, to drag him down to the station. In front of them, he started getting dressed in blue jeans. He suddenly stopped, pulled those jeans off & went for another pair. Not buying the 'maybe he needs his fat jeans' theory, the cops looked at the discarded pants and found some crack cocaine and marijuana in the pockets. So now Mr Gibson has added to his troubles by adding on charges of felony possession of crack for resale and misdemeanor marijauna possession.
******************************
Police quiz Daryl Hannah over Kill Bill poses
--ananova
Daryl Hannah has been questioned by police after she struck kung fu poses at the LA premiere of Kill Bill: Vol 2.
The actress gets nervous when meeting the press at glitzy events so decided to hide behind her assassin character Elle Driver.
She told Teen Hollywood: "I usually just race into theatres at premieres. But this time I thought I would walk in like Elle with her cocky attitude and stuff.
"So I went through the press line and I was standing on my car and doing kung fu and giving them the finger or whatever.
"Then when I came out of the theatre, there were five policemen waiting for me, wanting me to take a breathalyser test."
Hannah said they talked to her for a minute or so before letting her go: "They said: 'Well, you seem okay.' They couldn't seem to understand that I was just acting. It was weird."
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Today in History: Apr 15 1912
Unsinkable ship Titanic sinks after being torn by iceberg, with a loss of 1493 passengers.
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The Jefferson Muzzles are out. The Muzzles are awarded to draw national attention to abridgments of free speech and press. If you're bored, take a look.
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Police: Teen Hired Undercover Officer To Kill Mother
A 17 year old from Fort Myers, FL, tried to get his mom killed but unfortunately made the deal with an undercover cop. Carlos Marcelo Chereze paid the detective $2,000 to stage a burglary at his home and shoot his mother while Carlos was locked in another part of the house. His primary instructions: kill Mom, but "He didn't want anything to happen to the television" per the detective. Dude has priorities. And his mother, with her unconditional love, has said that he is still a 'good young man' who has 'been through a lot of trauma.' Wow.
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Motorist ran into his own car
This guy in Switzerland parks his car on a very steep hill and forgets to make use of the hand brake. So he's walking away from the car and it starts to roll down the hill. The guy starts running as fast as fast can be after the car to try catching it. Suddenly, the car hits a curb and stops moving. Mr Swiss Guy has so much momentum built up that he can't stop and slams into his car putting his head through the window and denting the rear panels of the car.
Goes to the hospital & gets treated for cuts and bruises.
And now he's filing a claim with his auto insurance company to cover the damages he did to his own car. Um, no.
Silly Swiss Man.
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Another False Police Report
A 56 year old CT woman has gotten local officials' panties in a bunch. Seems back in December Carol Hall phoned the cops to let them know that someone had poisoned the toilet paper in the Waterbury Superior Court House. Turns out it was a bum rap. They flushed out the lie after much investigation and have charged Carol with falsely reporting an incident.
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What's My Name?
Police in Germany found a little boy wandering across a street in Bremen. They stopped him and asked him what his name was. The answer? "Mummy's boy."
Okey dokey. Put him in the car, drive him around, looking for a house or something. Kid, what's your name? "Pascal's Brother."
Well then. So the cops take little Pascal's Mummy's Boy back to the station in exasperation. His mom had reported him missing, and they learned his real name is Karim. The police returned the toddler to his mom, and recommended that maybe she teach him not only to not wander away, but also to learn his name.
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Next Time Use a Stick.
A 36 year old man in Germany was detained by police for playing fetch with his dog. Well, okay. It was for playing fetch with his dog with an axe. He had gone to a local park and was chucking the axe out there for the dog to fetch back to him.
"Every time the dog obediently fetched the axe and returned it to its master," police in the western city of Aachen said.
"He must have been out of his mind," said an Aachen police spokesman.
"It clearly wasn't a small dog."
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And now from Glenn 'Cookie Puss' McMillen
Expensive Physical Therapy
Rough day for Germans. Another German guy was stuck in a hospital with numerous fractures as a result of a car accident. So he decided to call up a prostitute to help him relieve some stress. So chickie came (snicker) to do her job, and because the guy couldn't walk, he handed her his backcard so she could go to the ATM equivalent and take out $185 from his bank account.
Turns out she withdrew about $2500 from his account. Which means she got REALLY well paid for that trick, seeing as he chickened out on doing the deed anyhow and had sent her away without having had sex.
Unsinkable ship Titanic sinks after being torn by iceberg, with a loss of 1493 passengers.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
The Jefferson Muzzles are out. The Muzzles are awarded to draw national attention to abridgments of free speech and press. If you're bored, take a look.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Police: Teen Hired Undercover Officer To Kill Mother
A 17 year old from Fort Myers, FL, tried to get his mom killed but unfortunately made the deal with an undercover cop. Carlos Marcelo Chereze paid the detective $2,000 to stage a burglary at his home and shoot his mother while Carlos was locked in another part of the house. His primary instructions: kill Mom, but "He didn't want anything to happen to the television" per the detective. Dude has priorities. And his mother, with her unconditional love, has said that he is still a 'good young man' who has 'been through a lot of trauma.' Wow.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Motorist ran into his own car
This guy in Switzerland parks his car on a very steep hill and forgets to make use of the hand brake. So he's walking away from the car and it starts to roll down the hill. The guy starts running as fast as fast can be after the car to try catching it. Suddenly, the car hits a curb and stops moving. Mr Swiss Guy has so much momentum built up that he can't stop and slams into his car putting his head through the window and denting the rear panels of the car.
Goes to the hospital & gets treated for cuts and bruises.
And now he's filing a claim with his auto insurance company to cover the damages he did to his own car. Um, no.
Silly Swiss Man.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Another False Police Report
A 56 year old CT woman has gotten local officials' panties in a bunch. Seems back in December Carol Hall phoned the cops to let them know that someone had poisoned the toilet paper in the Waterbury Superior Court House. Turns out it was a bum rap. They flushed out the lie after much investigation and have charged Carol with falsely reporting an incident.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
What's My Name?
Police in Germany found a little boy wandering across a street in Bremen. They stopped him and asked him what his name was. The answer? "Mummy's boy."
Okey dokey. Put him in the car, drive him around, looking for a house or something. Kid, what's your name? "Pascal's Brother."
Well then. So the cops take little Pascal's Mummy's Boy back to the station in exasperation. His mom had reported him missing, and they learned his real name is Karim. The police returned the toddler to his mom, and recommended that maybe she teach him not only to not wander away, but also to learn his name.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Next Time Use a Stick.
A 36 year old man in Germany was detained by police for playing fetch with his dog. Well, okay. It was for playing fetch with his dog with an axe. He had gone to a local park and was chucking the axe out there for the dog to fetch back to him.
"Every time the dog obediently fetched the axe and returned it to its master," police in the western city of Aachen said.
"He must have been out of his mind," said an Aachen police spokesman.
"It clearly wasn't a small dog."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
And now from Glenn 'Cookie Puss' McMillen
Expensive Physical Therapy
Rough day for Germans. Another German guy was stuck in a hospital with numerous fractures as a result of a car accident. So he decided to call up a prostitute to help him relieve some stress. So chickie came (snicker) to do her job, and because the guy couldn't walk, he handed her his backcard so she could go to the ATM equivalent and take out $185 from his bank account.
Turns out she withdrew about $2500 from his account. Which means she got REALLY well paid for that trick, seeing as he chickened out on doing the deed anyhow and had sent her away without having had sex.
*********************
Mmmm - a yummy new drink will soon be available to aid people suffering from ulcerative colitis and/or Crohn's disease (collectively known as inflammatory bowel disease). The beverage, developed by Dr Joel Winstock, is filled with thousands of pig whipworm eggs and studies have shown that it is very effective in pushing the IBD sufferers into remission. Apparently the human immune system needs something to control it in IBD situations, and dealing with the pesky worms is just the ticket!
*********************
Paul McCartney: Reformed Frog Abuser
Paul McCartney, tree-hugger extraordinaire, has finally admitted why he has frogs in all of his silly books. It's because....this is so hard to say....when he was a child, he used to abuse frogs. Somehow he equated being cruel to amphibians as helping him get ready for the military.
He has now reformed. During a chat with fans on MSN.com, McCartney made his shocking revelation: "When I was a kid and I remember thinking as I would have to go into the Army, cruelty to frogs seemed justified as a practice for the Army...I love them now and I apologise to the children of the ones I abused as a kid. Secret revelations of a frog molester."
*****************************************
Strip-search hoax caller causing headaches
So there's this guy who has been calling fast food restaurants throughout America for the past five freakin' years playing the same prank over and over again. No, it's not Prince Albert in a Can, it's "Hi, I'm a cop & I need you to take that person over there in the back and strip search him/her." They fall for it every time.
Managers from Taco Bell, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Ruby Tuesday, Applebee's, and more have followed the advice of a stranger's voice on the phone to perform strip searches and/or drug searches on employees and, now, customers. The crank stays on the line instructing the manager in each step of the search, and in some instances the manager has ended up being slapped with criminal charges due to the deviance.
Seems the companies have been too embarrassed by their managers' naivtee to report the incidents, and it's only just become obvious to the police how widespread the problem is.
"It's mind-boggling," said one policeman. "How can a responsible person in this world ever do what has been occurring just because some guy calls them on telephone and tells them he's a cop?"
"This guy is a sexual deviant who in fact got his thrill initially," an investigator said. "But as time went on, it grew more into a power and control type of thing, where he gets great pleasure out of manipulating people, convincing them to take other people's clothes off."
*********************
Mmmm - a yummy new drink will soon be available to aid people suffering from ulcerative colitis and/or Crohn's disease (collectively known as inflammatory bowel disease). The beverage, developed by Dr Joel Winstock, is filled with thousands of pig whipworm eggs and studies have shown that it is very effective in pushing the IBD sufferers into remission. Apparently the human immune system needs something to control it in IBD situations, and dealing with the pesky worms is just the ticket!
*********************
Paul McCartney: Reformed Frog Abuser
Paul McCartney, tree-hugger extraordinaire, has finally admitted why he has frogs in all of his silly books. It's because....this is so hard to say....when he was a child, he used to abuse frogs. Somehow he equated being cruel to amphibians as helping him get ready for the military.
He has now reformed. During a chat with fans on MSN.com, McCartney made his shocking revelation: "When I was a kid and I remember thinking as I would have to go into the Army, cruelty to frogs seemed justified as a practice for the Army...I love them now and I apologise to the children of the ones I abused as a kid. Secret revelations of a frog molester."
*****************************************
Strip-search hoax caller causing headaches
So there's this guy who has been calling fast food restaurants throughout America for the past five freakin' years playing the same prank over and over again. No, it's not Prince Albert in a Can, it's "Hi, I'm a cop & I need you to take that person over there in the back and strip search him/her." They fall for it every time.
Managers from Taco Bell, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Ruby Tuesday, Applebee's, and more have followed the advice of a stranger's voice on the phone to perform strip searches and/or drug searches on employees and, now, customers. The crank stays on the line instructing the manager in each step of the search, and in some instances the manager has ended up being slapped with criminal charges due to the deviance.
Seems the companies have been too embarrassed by their managers' naivtee to report the incidents, and it's only just become obvious to the police how widespread the problem is.
"It's mind-boggling," said one policeman. "How can a responsible person in this world ever do what has been occurring just because some guy calls them on telephone and tells them he's a cop?"
"This guy is a sexual deviant who in fact got his thrill initially," an investigator said. "But as time went on, it grew more into a power and control type of thing, where he gets great pleasure out of manipulating people, convincing them to take other people's clothes off."
*********************
Monday, April 12, 2004
Today in History: April 12, 1985 - Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically implanted.
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Taking a Bite Out of Crime
HA! Some loser thieves sure picked the wrong truck and cargo trailer to steal in White River Township last week. They managed to steal the truck etc owned by Greg O'Dell and that which makes his livelihood. Translated: 25,000 - 30,000 sets of Billy Bob teeth.
Now, sure, the crooked teeth are worth about $300,000 retail, but I don't know that there's a big call for them out there on the black market. Especially since the trucks only held the teeth - the essential putty adhesive to stick them in your mouth was NOT in the same vehicle.
Greg's pretty chewed up about it. Those teeth were his livelihood. What will he do if he doesn't get them back? “I haven’t figured that out yet,” he said to The Daily Journal. “You can’t keep a good crooked-tooth salesman down.”
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Too Freakin' Weird.
For reasons I have yet to determine, some bloke is swimming across Australia. In the back of a truck. With a lifeguard. And a big harness to hold his body in the water, since the pool is, like, moving faster than he can. Chris Gabelish is the Geraldton city councillor and he is planning, along with 8 other 'swimmers' to swim from Geraldton to Sydney by April 21. Um. That's it.
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big old hurricane map
Bigwig scientists saying a humongo hurricane or 12 will make landfall this year. Here's a map with interesting past statistics. In the near future, it supposedly will have predictions for us too. Whoo hoo! Batton down the hatches!
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Just Hanging Around
Here's another "I can't imagine why, but" story. A 29 year old man was found dangling by his ankle from a bridge in New Brunswick. Apparently, he had been twistin' in the wind for a good two hours before anyone noticed him there, swinging from 6 feet of rope. After he was finally noticed, it still took another 40 minutes or so for rescue workers to get him down. And nobody knows what he was doing there.
Maybe he didn't know you need to use a stretchy bungee cord for bungee jumping (hence the name).
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Taking a Bite Out of Crime
HA! Some loser thieves sure picked the wrong truck and cargo trailer to steal in White River Township last week. They managed to steal the truck etc owned by Greg O'Dell and that which makes his livelihood. Translated: 25,000 - 30,000 sets of Billy Bob teeth.
Now, sure, the crooked teeth are worth about $300,000 retail, but I don't know that there's a big call for them out there on the black market. Especially since the trucks only held the teeth - the essential putty adhesive to stick them in your mouth was NOT in the same vehicle.
Greg's pretty chewed up about it. Those teeth were his livelihood. What will he do if he doesn't get them back? “I haven’t figured that out yet,” he said to The Daily Journal. “You can’t keep a good crooked-tooth salesman down.”
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Too Freakin' Weird.
For reasons I have yet to determine, some bloke is swimming across Australia. In the back of a truck. With a lifeguard. And a big harness to hold his body in the water, since the pool is, like, moving faster than he can. Chris Gabelish is the Geraldton city councillor and he is planning, along with 8 other 'swimmers' to swim from Geraldton to Sydney by April 21. Um. That's it.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
big old hurricane map
Bigwig scientists saying a humongo hurricane or 12 will make landfall this year. Here's a map with interesting past statistics. In the near future, it supposedly will have predictions for us too. Whoo hoo! Batton down the hatches!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Just Hanging Around
Here's another "I can't imagine why, but" story. A 29 year old man was found dangling by his ankle from a bridge in New Brunswick. Apparently, he had been twistin' in the wind for a good two hours before anyone noticed him there, swinging from 6 feet of rope. After he was finally noticed, it still took another 40 minutes or so for rescue workers to get him down. And nobody knows what he was doing there.
Maybe he didn't know you need to use a stretchy bungee cord for bungee jumping (hence the name).
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