Friday, June 25, 2004
Wow. Wonder what THESE are like when it's cold.
Ziya Saylan is a German based doctor who has developed Titanium breast implants. He implants titanium mesh in the wench's boobies and then they will remain firm and uplifted no matter what their size. He says that they work best on "women with small, sagging breasts" (translated: old skinny women) but he'll do it on any woman willing to shell out $8400 and deal with excessive tenderness and pain for up to three months.
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Don't Doze Off in THIS Class!
A teenager from Fukuoka City (Tokyo) fell asleep in his highschool class. This ticked off his teacher so very much that Teach took him to the staff lounge of the school, handed the kid a box-cutter and paper, and told him to write an apology in blood.
The teacher left the room and the obedient though sleepy student proceded to slit open his finger and wrote the apology.
None of the other teachers in the staff lounge noticed what was going on, according to reports.
The teacher did apologize later to the boy and his parents, and is expected back to class in a few days. The boy and his family have NOT requested to switch teachers.
******************************
From the websurfing of Chief MidAtlantic Correspondent Glenn McMillen...
Doctor Jailed for Billing for Sex
Dr Randall J Smith, a doctor at the Adventist Health Medical Group, in Portland OR, conducted a number of 'treatment' sessions with a woman patient and then had the audacity to bill the Oregon Health Plan for his time!
He convinced the woman that her pelvic pain could be eased by massaging her 'trigger points' in these 45 minute sessions that ultimately led to sexual intercourse. He asserts that this playtime was consensual, but he still needed to submit the felonious insurance claims to cover the time spent.
He charged the state approximately $5,000 for the pleasure time, and now has had his medical license taken away and is on 18 months' probation, and owes about 200 hours of community service along with monetary retribution.
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Wow. Talk about bad Inlaws!
Ahmed and Fatiah Bechiri really don't like their son in law. So much so that they and three accomplices conspired to have him appear to be a terrorist.
Unfortunate son-in-law Abderazak Besseghir worked at Charles de Gaulle airport as a baggage handler. In December of 2002 the inlaws had their accomplices plant weapons and explosives in his car in an airport parking lot. Abderazak spent 10 days in jail before he was cleared, and Wednesday the inlaws and their friends were convicted. The penalty? Suspended sentences of 15 months prison time and pay Abderazak $18,000 in damages.
No official theories on the motive behind this. I guess they just didn't like him.
**************************
Stupid Is as Stupid Does
"For any stuff of drug please call this number below. ...Ask for Mike."
Thus read the flyers being distributed by two drug dealers dubbed "the world's dumbest drug dealers" by police in NZ.
So the cops called the number, asked for Mike, met up with him and BAM: busted. Narcotics were, of course, confiscated.
I wonder if Mike had them in a display case at his apartment.
*******************
Refugees Catch an Eyefull Upon Landing on Beach
A raft filled with destitute Africans, possibly from sub-Saharan Africa, washed up on the shores of a nudist beach in Canos de Meca, Spain yesterday.
There were a number of infants on the raft, and some of the amateur video footage of the event includes nekked bathers surrounding a little one, counting the fingers on one hand and coming up with six.
Also caught on film is the excited antics of one of the refugees screaming into a cellphone and running around while buddies tried to restrain him.
After the refugees receive medical treatment for their various ailments, they will likely be repatriated back to the land from whence they came.
********************************
Ukraine serves up chocolate-covered pork fat
Mmmm...yummy. Chocolate covered pork fat. Get it now at Tsarske Selo restaurant in Ukraine. Nuff said.
Ziya Saylan is a German based doctor who has developed Titanium breast implants. He implants titanium mesh in the wench's boobies and then they will remain firm and uplifted no matter what their size. He says that they work best on "women with small, sagging breasts" (translated: old skinny women) but he'll do it on any woman willing to shell out $8400 and deal with excessive tenderness and pain for up to three months.
****************************
Don't Doze Off in THIS Class!
A teenager from Fukuoka City (Tokyo) fell asleep in his highschool class. This ticked off his teacher so very much that Teach took him to the staff lounge of the school, handed the kid a box-cutter and paper, and told him to write an apology in blood.
The teacher left the room and the obedient though sleepy student proceded to slit open his finger and wrote the apology.
None of the other teachers in the staff lounge noticed what was going on, according to reports.
The teacher did apologize later to the boy and his parents, and is expected back to class in a few days. The boy and his family have NOT requested to switch teachers.
******************************
From the websurfing of Chief MidAtlantic Correspondent Glenn McMillen...
Doctor Jailed for Billing for Sex
Dr Randall J Smith, a doctor at the Adventist Health Medical Group, in Portland OR, conducted a number of 'treatment' sessions with a woman patient and then had the audacity to bill the Oregon Health Plan for his time!
He convinced the woman that her pelvic pain could be eased by massaging her 'trigger points' in these 45 minute sessions that ultimately led to sexual intercourse. He asserts that this playtime was consensual, but he still needed to submit the felonious insurance claims to cover the time spent.
He charged the state approximately $5,000 for the pleasure time, and now has had his medical license taken away and is on 18 months' probation, and owes about 200 hours of community service along with monetary retribution.
************************
Wow. Talk about bad Inlaws!
Ahmed and Fatiah Bechiri really don't like their son in law. So much so that they and three accomplices conspired to have him appear to be a terrorist.
Unfortunate son-in-law Abderazak Besseghir worked at Charles de Gaulle airport as a baggage handler. In December of 2002 the inlaws had their accomplices plant weapons and explosives in his car in an airport parking lot. Abderazak spent 10 days in jail before he was cleared, and Wednesday the inlaws and their friends were convicted. The penalty? Suspended sentences of 15 months prison time and pay Abderazak $18,000 in damages.
No official theories on the motive behind this. I guess they just didn't like him.
**************************
Stupid Is as Stupid Does
"For any stuff of drug please call this number below. ...Ask for Mike."
Thus read the flyers being distributed by two drug dealers dubbed "the world's dumbest drug dealers" by police in NZ.
So the cops called the number, asked for Mike, met up with him and BAM: busted. Narcotics were, of course, confiscated.
I wonder if Mike had them in a display case at his apartment.
*******************
Refugees Catch an Eyefull Upon Landing on Beach
A raft filled with destitute Africans, possibly from sub-Saharan Africa, washed up on the shores of a nudist beach in Canos de Meca, Spain yesterday.
There were a number of infants on the raft, and some of the amateur video footage of the event includes nekked bathers surrounding a little one, counting the fingers on one hand and coming up with six.
Also caught on film is the excited antics of one of the refugees screaming into a cellphone and running around while buddies tried to restrain him.
After the refugees receive medical treatment for their various ailments, they will likely be repatriated back to the land from whence they came.
********************************
Ukraine serves up chocolate-covered pork fat
Mmmm...yummy. Chocolate covered pork fat. Get it now at Tsarske Selo restaurant in Ukraine. Nuff said.
Today in History: June 25, 1966 - "Dark Shadows" began running on ABC-TV.
*********************************
Oooooh! Cheney Drops the F-Bomb on the Senate Floor!
Better wash that mouth out with soap, VP Cheney! After having the traditional group picture taken of the Senate, Leahy wandered on up to Cheney and said hiya.
Cheney was apparently in a bad mood and started ripping Leahy a new one regarding the Dem's criticism of alleged war profiteering in Iraq by Halliburton (Leahy has called for congressional hearings to see if Cheney helped Halliburton win contracts in Iraq after Saddam's demise).
The tiff then swung over to religion, with Leahy reportedly saying that Republicans had been accusing Dems of being anti-Catholic and such.
Then Cheney Responded 'F-off' or 'F-you' to the stunned Leahy according to anonymous staffers.
Shock and awe spread throughout the Senate floor, especially since profanity is not allowed in the senate chamber.
Official statement from the Cheney camp:
“That doesn’t sound like language that the vice president would use, but there was a frank exchange of views,” said Kevin Kellems.spokesman for the VP.
*********************************
Good Dog!
James Paul Stanson drove into a Toronto neighborhood with plans to load up a slew of weapons and kill as many people in the neighborhood as he could. His motive: he wanted to be put in jail permanently.
He stopped off in a nearby park to get his weaponry ready (weapons include: 2 rifles, a shotgun, a semi-automatic pistol, a revolver, an air rifle, a machete, a hunting knife, a throwing knife, camo mask, netting, and 6000 rounds of ammunition).
And a loveable doggy ran up to play with him. According to Reuters reports, "the encounter melted the man's heart" and he decided NOT to annihilate the populace because if there was such a nice pup there, the people there must be nice too.
So he went instead to the cops and told them he had almost been a very bad boy. They slapped a couple of weapons offenses on him and he's now up for a bail hearing.
*****************************
Stale news, but fun anyway:
A girl told her boyfriend to shove off and they were over, partly because he was a bad kisser. Saddened by this news, boyfriend begged her to allow him one farewell kiss. She did. So he bit off her lip, spat it on the ground, and ran away.
The 16 year old ex-girlfriend is reported to be severely distressed.
I also suspect she now is a lousy kisser herself.
*****************************
Cat Rescued After 8 Weeks Under Patio Deck
Emma Dearie couldn't find her kitty cat. She hunted and hunted for 2 months, even walking her little 7 year old self four miles away to the neighbor's farm to see if they new where little Bubbles was.
Turns out that farmers John and Anne McMillan had accidentally built their garden decking over the kitty a couple of months ago and just never noticed the persistent mewling coming from below.
Bubbles was rescued when someone finally heard the squeaky thing and pried up the decking. Dirty kitty has been bathed multiple times to get the stench out and is being fattened up with 6 meals a day.
Most thrilling to me, however, is the quote from Emma's mom: "It does seem a bit daft that no on heard her for all that time. But my neighbour is pretty deaf and her husband is always shouting so she can hear him, so that's why they didn't hear Bubbles."
Just tickles me.
*****************************
Lord Mutter continues his trend of providing up-to-the-minute news...
INXS Reality Show
Huh. According to Reality TV Series phenom Mark Burnett, "INXS is one of the world's premiere rock bands."
Shocking as THAT announcement is, it is followed up by the even MORE amazing news that Burnett is producing another reality show - this one combining unscripted 'drama' between small minded people trapped in a hollywood hills house, and said individuals' competition to see who gets to be the new lead singer for INXS and go on a world wide tour. Yes, there will be weekly eliminations and petty plotting to be had as well.
I guarantee that each and every one of the world tour venues will be sold out. Heck, who WOULDN'T want to see a washed-up 70's band led by a TV-show contest winner sing 'It's The One Thing'?? If we're lucky, the new cast of boy band Menudo will open for them!
*****************************
*********************************
Oooooh! Cheney Drops the F-Bomb on the Senate Floor!
Better wash that mouth out with soap, VP Cheney! After having the traditional group picture taken of the Senate, Leahy wandered on up to Cheney and said hiya.
Cheney was apparently in a bad mood and started ripping Leahy a new one regarding the Dem's criticism of alleged war profiteering in Iraq by Halliburton (Leahy has called for congressional hearings to see if Cheney helped Halliburton win contracts in Iraq after Saddam's demise).
The tiff then swung over to religion, with Leahy reportedly saying that Republicans had been accusing Dems of being anti-Catholic and such.
Then Cheney Responded 'F-off' or 'F-you' to the stunned Leahy according to anonymous staffers.
Shock and awe spread throughout the Senate floor, especially since profanity is not allowed in the senate chamber.
Official statement from the Cheney camp:
“That doesn’t sound like language that the vice president would use, but there was a frank exchange of views,” said Kevin Kellems.spokesman for the VP.
*********************************
Good Dog!
James Paul Stanson drove into a Toronto neighborhood with plans to load up a slew of weapons and kill as many people in the neighborhood as he could. His motive: he wanted to be put in jail permanently.
He stopped off in a nearby park to get his weaponry ready (weapons include: 2 rifles, a shotgun, a semi-automatic pistol, a revolver, an air rifle, a machete, a hunting knife, a throwing knife, camo mask, netting, and 6000 rounds of ammunition).
And a loveable doggy ran up to play with him. According to Reuters reports, "the encounter melted the man's heart" and he decided NOT to annihilate the populace because if there was such a nice pup there, the people there must be nice too.
So he went instead to the cops and told them he had almost been a very bad boy. They slapped a couple of weapons offenses on him and he's now up for a bail hearing.
*****************************
Stale news, but fun anyway:
A girl told her boyfriend to shove off and they were over, partly because he was a bad kisser. Saddened by this news, boyfriend begged her to allow him one farewell kiss. She did. So he bit off her lip, spat it on the ground, and ran away.
The 16 year old ex-girlfriend is reported to be severely distressed.
I also suspect she now is a lousy kisser herself.
*****************************
Cat Rescued After 8 Weeks Under Patio Deck
Emma Dearie couldn't find her kitty cat. She hunted and hunted for 2 months, even walking her little 7 year old self four miles away to the neighbor's farm to see if they new where little Bubbles was.
Turns out that farmers John and Anne McMillan had accidentally built their garden decking over the kitty a couple of months ago and just never noticed the persistent mewling coming from below.
Bubbles was rescued when someone finally heard the squeaky thing and pried up the decking. Dirty kitty has been bathed multiple times to get the stench out and is being fattened up with 6 meals a day.
Most thrilling to me, however, is the quote from Emma's mom: "It does seem a bit daft that no on heard her for all that time. But my neighbour is pretty deaf and her husband is always shouting so she can hear him, so that's why they didn't hear Bubbles."
Just tickles me.
*****************************
Lord Mutter continues his trend of providing up-to-the-minute news...
INXS Reality Show
Huh. According to Reality TV Series phenom Mark Burnett, "INXS is one of the world's premiere rock bands."
Shocking as THAT announcement is, it is followed up by the even MORE amazing news that Burnett is producing another reality show - this one combining unscripted 'drama' between small minded people trapped in a hollywood hills house, and said individuals' competition to see who gets to be the new lead singer for INXS and go on a world wide tour. Yes, there will be weekly eliminations and petty plotting to be had as well.
I guarantee that each and every one of the world tour venues will be sold out. Heck, who WOULDN'T want to see a washed-up 70's band led by a TV-show contest winner sing 'It's The One Thing'?? If we're lucky, the new cast of boy band Menudo will open for them!
*****************************
Muslims fall for Web Hoax: race to see breast fed messiah!
Hundreds of Muslims have been racing to the Essen University clinic in Berlin to visit a nursing Messiah. Word has it that a website advised them about a woman in the clinic who had given birth to the Messiah and then croaked. Then a while later she was dug out of her grave and was somehow alive, burned over most of her body but with unblemished and milk-filled breasts. Allah purportedly told the dead alive burned breasty woman to feed the baby for forty days and then go back to the land of the dead.
Now that the Folks at the hospital said there was no such woman, the pilgrimages to see the oddity have slowed to a veritable trickle.
What people will believe. Sheesh! Forty days. Everyone knows it would be Forty days and Forty NIGHTS. Duh.
Hundreds of Muslims have been racing to the Essen University clinic in Berlin to visit a nursing Messiah. Word has it that a website advised them about a woman in the clinic who had given birth to the Messiah and then croaked. Then a while later she was dug out of her grave and was somehow alive, burned over most of her body but with unblemished and milk-filled breasts. Allah purportedly told the dead alive burned breasty woman to feed the baby for forty days and then go back to the land of the dead.
Now that the Folks at the hospital said there was no such woman, the pilgrimages to see the oddity have slowed to a veritable trickle.
What people will believe. Sheesh! Forty days. Everyone knows it would be Forty days and Forty NIGHTS. Duh.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Today in History: June 23,1993: In the middle of the night the supremely disgruntled Lorena Bobbit chops off hubby John's wing ding and drives away, tossing the unit into a nearby field. Cops found the tidbit, and surgeons reattached it, allowing John to enter the porn industry. The couple's last name becomes a verb.
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Rain Rain, Go Away
Wow. That Glastonbury festival is just pushing the limits everywhere! Along with the previously reported She Pee female urinals, the organizers of the festival are now planning to force the weather to be nice. The weather forecast in the area is for rain today, Saturday, and Sunday. So organizers have dug out their 'cloudbusters' in preparation. Said cloudbusters, designed by Wilhelm Reich, were last used at the festival in 1971. A neighbor a bunch of miles away from the fest will aim the tool, which looks like an anti-aircraft gun, at impending cloud cover. It extracts 'deadly orgone radiation' from the atmosphere, turning the clouds into rain. Having deposited the water over the friendly neighbor, the clouds will no longer threaten the festival.
Cool stuff, that.
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Farrell's Manly Staff 'too distracting' for audiences
Colin Farrell shot a new flick called A Home at the End of the World, in which he had full frontal nudity. However, scenes showing his amazing tool have been cut because his manhood is too distracting for audiences.
It's been reported that during test screenings "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."
Get rid of it just in the film of course. Colin is still intact, and has demanded that the scenes be included on the DVD release of the film.
Heh heh. Release. Heh.
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From Lord Mutter:
"A family affair"
So last week 23 year old Lance Champion decided to confront a local police officer whom he believed was speeding. The whole citizen's arrest thing, I guess. Lance apparently crossed the line when talking with Deputy Lt Stan Hillis and ended up in custody for disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and evading arrest.
So Lance called Mom. Mom and Lance's brother hustled on down to the police station, where Bro' smacked the hand of a deputy who was attempting to shoo them away from the area as Lance's car was getting ready to be towed. There's another arrest for family member 2.
Mom got loud and uncooperative, so they tossed her in as well with charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Family member 3.
Then Dad came rushing down to the station (straight from church even), became disorderly and was shot by a deputy's Taser and taken into custody as well! Family member 4.
They were all released a short while later, and returned to their status of 'fine upstanding family'.
Heh heh. Released. Again. Heh.
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Zoinks! A Zonkey!
A California ranch owner has created a new animal: the zonkey. She mated a zebra and a miniature donkey, resulting in a foal that has zebra legs and ears and a donkey body.
She's also planning on using her ponies and horses to create Zonies and Zorses.
Here's a pic of the little critter:
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Rain Rain, Go Away
Wow. That Glastonbury festival is just pushing the limits everywhere! Along with the previously reported She Pee female urinals, the organizers of the festival are now planning to force the weather to be nice. The weather forecast in the area is for rain today, Saturday, and Sunday. So organizers have dug out their 'cloudbusters' in preparation. Said cloudbusters, designed by Wilhelm Reich, were last used at the festival in 1971. A neighbor a bunch of miles away from the fest will aim the tool, which looks like an anti-aircraft gun, at impending cloud cover. It extracts 'deadly orgone radiation' from the atmosphere, turning the clouds into rain. Having deposited the water over the friendly neighbor, the clouds will no longer threaten the festival.
Cool stuff, that.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Farrell's Manly Staff 'too distracting' for audiences
Colin Farrell shot a new flick called A Home at the End of the World, in which he had full frontal nudity. However, scenes showing his amazing tool have been cut because his manhood is too distracting for audiences.
It's been reported that during test screenings "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."
Get rid of it just in the film of course. Colin is still intact, and has demanded that the scenes be included on the DVD release of the film.
Heh heh. Release. Heh.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
From Lord Mutter:
"A family affair"
So last week 23 year old Lance Champion decided to confront a local police officer whom he believed was speeding. The whole citizen's arrest thing, I guess. Lance apparently crossed the line when talking with Deputy Lt Stan Hillis and ended up in custody for disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and evading arrest.
So Lance called Mom. Mom and Lance's brother hustled on down to the police station, where Bro' smacked the hand of a deputy who was attempting to shoo them away from the area as Lance's car was getting ready to be towed. There's another arrest for family member 2.
Mom got loud and uncooperative, so they tossed her in as well with charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Family member 3.
Then Dad came rushing down to the station (straight from church even), became disorderly and was shot by a deputy's Taser and taken into custody as well! Family member 4.
They were all released a short while later, and returned to their status of 'fine upstanding family'.
Heh heh. Released. Again. Heh.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Zoinks! A Zonkey!
A California ranch owner has created a new animal: the zonkey. She mated a zebra and a miniature donkey, resulting in a foal that has zebra legs and ears and a donkey body.
She's also planning on using her ponies and horses to create Zonies and Zorses.
Here's a pic of the little critter:
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