Saturday, August 14, 2004
Today in History: August 14, 1953 - The whiffle ball was invented.
Oh yeah, also on this day in 1945, Hirohito announced his unconditional surrender to Allied forces, bringing an end to WWII.
But dayum - the whiffle ball! Now THAT was something that changed the WORLD.
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If loving this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
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Proof that Smoking Kills
Quote from CNN regarding smoking death during the height of Hurricane Charley:
"To the south, in Lee County, the sheriff's office reported one hurricane-related death in North Fort Myers when a man in his early 20s stepped outside during the full force of the hurricane to smoke a cigarette."
d'oh!
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Child of Thalidomide Sues Air France
If you're lacking limbs, perhaps you should think twice before trying to fly Air France. Adele Price was one of the many 'children of thalidomide' born about 4 decades or so ago, who - as a result of moms taking the medication thalidomide - never developed limbs.
She was trying to take a flight from Manchester, England to New York on Aug 19, 2000, and was rudely told by an Air France Employee: "one head, one bottom and one torso cannot and will not be allowed to fly on Air France" without assistance.
So Adele paid some person to fly with her, so she could get to New York. Then she was stuck in New York because Air France again didn't want to fly her over the puddle. Ultimately, she flew home on British Airways unaccompanied.
Stating that this whole incident caused her emotional and financial distress, Adele tried to put together a lawsuit agains the airline herself. She found that a bit too difficult to handle, and now has hired an official lawyer and will get her day in court.
Ah, the French.
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Fires of Passion
Yet another guy has tried (and failed) to be romantic by torching possessions for his one true love.
This time, in Lewiston, ID, Chihao Wu (an English as a second language student at Lewis-Clark State College) rolled up clothes, doused them in lamp oil, and arranged them in a parking lot to spell 'Happy Birthday' in his native language.
He then got his girlfriend (the birthday girl) to come on out and look and BABOOM set the fire. Police and members of the Lewiston Fire Department had to be called out to put out the bonfire of the vanities, and thus the passion that night was snuffed out.
When asked by police if she was impressed by the pyrotechnics, Wu's lady love simply said "No."
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Priorities, My Man, Priorities
Yaysn Abdul-Mattin is one very focused individual when it comes to his crack cocaine. Friday Yaysn led Pachougue RI police on a chase, and his car ultimately slid over an embankment and into a pond.
As the car filled with water and began to sink into the abyss, Yaysn knew what he needed to do. "We kept calling out 'Get out of the car! You're going to drown!'" Suffolk Police Officer Armand Reyes said. "But the only thing we heard was the sound of his lighter going click, click, click."
Yaysn gave up his mission when the water rose up to his chin, at which time he tossed the uncooperative crack pipe and crawled out through a shattered rear window of his car. Yaysn was arrested for driving while impaired and was released without bail.
Oh yeah, also on this day in 1945, Hirohito announced his unconditional surrender to Allied forces, bringing an end to WWII.
But dayum - the whiffle ball! Now THAT was something that changed the WORLD.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
If loving this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Proof that Smoking Kills
Quote from CNN regarding smoking death during the height of Hurricane Charley:
"To the south, in Lee County, the sheriff's office reported one hurricane-related death in North Fort Myers when a man in his early 20s stepped outside during the full force of the hurricane to smoke a cigarette."
d'oh!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Child of Thalidomide Sues Air France
If you're lacking limbs, perhaps you should think twice before trying to fly Air France. Adele Price was one of the many 'children of thalidomide' born about 4 decades or so ago, who - as a result of moms taking the medication thalidomide - never developed limbs.
She was trying to take a flight from Manchester, England to New York on Aug 19, 2000, and was rudely told by an Air France Employee: "one head, one bottom and one torso cannot and will not be allowed to fly on Air France" without assistance.
So Adele paid some person to fly with her, so she could get to New York. Then she was stuck in New York because Air France again didn't want to fly her over the puddle. Ultimately, she flew home on British Airways unaccompanied.
Stating that this whole incident caused her emotional and financial distress, Adele tried to put together a lawsuit agains the airline herself. She found that a bit too difficult to handle, and now has hired an official lawyer and will get her day in court.
Ah, the French.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Fires of Passion
Yet another guy has tried (and failed) to be romantic by torching possessions for his one true love.
This time, in Lewiston, ID, Chihao Wu (an English as a second language student at Lewis-Clark State College) rolled up clothes, doused them in lamp oil, and arranged them in a parking lot to spell 'Happy Birthday' in his native language.
He then got his girlfriend (the birthday girl) to come on out and look and BABOOM set the fire. Police and members of the Lewiston Fire Department had to be called out to put out the bonfire of the vanities, and thus the passion that night was snuffed out.
When asked by police if she was impressed by the pyrotechnics, Wu's lady love simply said "No."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Priorities, My Man, Priorities
Yaysn Abdul-Mattin is one very focused individual when it comes to his crack cocaine. Friday Yaysn led Pachougue RI police on a chase, and his car ultimately slid over an embankment and into a pond.
As the car filled with water and began to sink into the abyss, Yaysn knew what he needed to do. "We kept calling out 'Get out of the car! You're going to drown!'" Suffolk Police Officer Armand Reyes said. "But the only thing we heard was the sound of his lighter going click, click, click."
Yaysn gave up his mission when the water rose up to his chin, at which time he tossed the uncooperative crack pipe and crawled out through a shattered rear window of his car. Yaysn was arrested for driving while impaired and was released without bail.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Today in History: Aug 13 1926 Fidel Castro is born on his father's 23,000-acre sugar cane plantation near Biran, Cuba.
ALSO
Aug 13 1942 Walt Disney's Bambi premieres in New York City. Bambi's mom is dead. But Bambi loves cheetos. Don't ask.
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For the man in your life
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Whoo Hoo! Someone Else is Oppressed!
Beryl King placed an ad looking for "warehouse packers who must be hard-working and reliable" to work at her business. She has now been slapped on the wrist for the ad and told to rephrase her requirements.
Why? Because using the term 'hard-working' discriminates against the lazy.
Beryl summed it up quite well when she said, ""I couldn't believe my ears. Has our world gone mad? How long before someone says you can't pay people for working because it discriminates against those on benefit who are paid for not working?"
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Mmmm. See Thru Bathing Suits at the Olympics
Those silly Brits. The crafty British female triathlon swimmers have bathing suits that become see-through when immersed in water. Officials discovered this during their practice.
Party poopers that they are, they have had special 'modesty patches' put into the suits now, and have put the suits through 'shower tests' to make sure the patches work.
Damn them.
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Wow. Not Funny. But Interesting in the Build A Phobia Category.
Carl Declercq of Richmond Hill, NY, met with a terrible fate yesterday in an elevator in Times Square. He was riding down on the elevator, when a malfunction launched the elevator upward and smashed the car into the 37th floor bulkhead, resulting in Carl's ultimate demise.
Something went terribly wrong when the down elevator passed an up elevator. That elevator stopped suddenly, injuring its passengers slightly.
Officials said that it may have been a snapped cable or a failed balancing mechanism. Records show that 5 Times Square received 10 violation citations in May regarding their elevators and escalators. It is not known if Carl's elevator was one of those cited.
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London Justice
Michael Clark has been deemed insane, and is not to be punished for driving a tractor over his brother this past April in a quest to prove his love to God.
Michael spent years in an asylum due to severe mental illness, but was deemed to be well in February and was let out. Apparently this was not the correct decision, because upon release Michael realized that he was the second Messiah, chased his brother with a tractor and smushed him to prove it. He was sure that his brother would come back from the dead. Sadly for his brother's wife and 3 kids, Michael was very wrong.
"No matter the outcome of today's judgment in court, nothing will ever replace the void left by the tragic loss of Billy, a loving and most cherished husband and dad," the statement from his family read.
"Hopefully, lessons will be learned to ensure that nothing like this can ever be allowed to occur again."
Although Clark has been responding to medication, Lord Osborne accepted Dr Thomson's opinion that he requires ongoing care and treatment in a high-security psychiatric setting.
Lord Osborne returned Clark to the state hospital, where he will remain indefinitely.
Which based upon London's life sentencing with rapists and permanent institutionalization of the mentally ill, means he'll be out on the street come Christmas.
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FOUND: Previously lost 360 ton bridge (lost in Gdansk Poland).
It was found by police at a scrap metal yard cut into metre-long pieces.
Thanks to all who called with tips!
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This Game is Da Bomb!
Yuri and Igor, two 14 year old boys from Murmansk, Russia, found a WWII grenade while trekking through the woods the other day.
Knowing full well what it was, but thinking 'hey, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?', the kiddos started playing football with the darned thing. Whether in Russia football is football or football is soccer, I don't know, but it doesn't really matter does it?
Luckily for Yuri and Igor, Pavel Kopytov happened to be strolling by and saw their idiocy in action.
Says Pavel, "My hair stood on end. I yelled at them, but they didn't stop and I had to just grab it off them. I knew how their game of football would end - explosively. They were lucky."
The grenade was turned over to local police and destroyed.
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ALSO
Aug 13 1942 Walt Disney's Bambi premieres in New York City. Bambi's mom is dead. But Bambi loves cheetos. Don't ask.
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For the man in your life
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Whoo Hoo! Someone Else is Oppressed!
Beryl King placed an ad looking for "warehouse packers who must be hard-working and reliable" to work at her business. She has now been slapped on the wrist for the ad and told to rephrase her requirements.
Why? Because using the term 'hard-working' discriminates against the lazy.
Beryl summed it up quite well when she said, ""I couldn't believe my ears. Has our world gone mad? How long before someone says you can't pay people for working because it discriminates against those on benefit who are paid for not working?"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mmmm. See Thru Bathing Suits at the Olympics
Those silly Brits. The crafty British female triathlon swimmers have bathing suits that become see-through when immersed in water. Officials discovered this during their practice.
Party poopers that they are, they have had special 'modesty patches' put into the suits now, and have put the suits through 'shower tests' to make sure the patches work.
Damn them.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Wow. Not Funny. But Interesting in the Build A Phobia Category.
Carl Declercq of Richmond Hill, NY, met with a terrible fate yesterday in an elevator in Times Square. He was riding down on the elevator, when a malfunction launched the elevator upward and smashed the car into the 37th floor bulkhead, resulting in Carl's ultimate demise.
Something went terribly wrong when the down elevator passed an up elevator. That elevator stopped suddenly, injuring its passengers slightly.
Officials said that it may have been a snapped cable or a failed balancing mechanism. Records show that 5 Times Square received 10 violation citations in May regarding their elevators and escalators. It is not known if Carl's elevator was one of those cited.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
London Justice
Michael Clark has been deemed insane, and is not to be punished for driving a tractor over his brother this past April in a quest to prove his love to God.
Michael spent years in an asylum due to severe mental illness, but was deemed to be well in February and was let out. Apparently this was not the correct decision, because upon release Michael realized that he was the second Messiah, chased his brother with a tractor and smushed him to prove it. He was sure that his brother would come back from the dead. Sadly for his brother's wife and 3 kids, Michael was very wrong.
"No matter the outcome of today's judgment in court, nothing will ever replace the void left by the tragic loss of Billy, a loving and most cherished husband and dad," the statement from his family read.
"Hopefully, lessons will be learned to ensure that nothing like this can ever be allowed to occur again."
Although Clark has been responding to medication, Lord Osborne accepted Dr Thomson's opinion that he requires ongoing care and treatment in a high-security psychiatric setting.
Lord Osborne returned Clark to the state hospital, where he will remain indefinitely.
Which based upon London's life sentencing with rapists and permanent institutionalization of the mentally ill, means he'll be out on the street come Christmas.
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FOUND: Previously lost 360 ton bridge (lost in Gdansk Poland).
It was found by police at a scrap metal yard cut into metre-long pieces.
Thanks to all who called with tips!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
This Game is Da Bomb!
Yuri and Igor, two 14 year old boys from Murmansk, Russia, found a WWII grenade while trekking through the woods the other day.
Knowing full well what it was, but thinking 'hey, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?', the kiddos started playing football with the darned thing. Whether in Russia football is football or football is soccer, I don't know, but it doesn't really matter does it?
Luckily for Yuri and Igor, Pavel Kopytov happened to be strolling by and saw their idiocy in action.
Says Pavel, "My hair stood on end. I yelled at them, but they didn't stop and I had to just grab it off them. I knew how their game of football would end - explosively. They were lucky."
The grenade was turned over to local police and destroyed.
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
*********************
For those of you looking for new bedroom furniture, I present The Quantum Sleeper.
*********************
Now Git Yer Ayuss Offa That Couch, Woman!
Gayle Laverne Grinds, a four-foot, ten-inch 480 lb woman from Stuart, FL, has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from her couch.
Appears the 40 year old woman spent the past bunch o' years sitting on her couch and her flesh had actually become grafted into the fabric of the seat - Gayle had BECOME the couch!.
The emergency workers tried for 6 hours to remove her from the sofa, but found that it was just too painful for her. So they removed the sliding glass doors from her home and moved Gayle and her seat to a trailer for transport to Martin Memorial Hospital. She died at the hospital, still attached to the couch.
Being questioned for possible negligence charges is her housemate Herman Thomas. In his defence, he stated that he tried to take care of her and repeatedly tried to get her up off the couch, but simply couldn't.
Wow.
***********************
Teacher's Pet?
I know I used to really hate having to go up to the board in Algebra class and show my work.
I can only IMAGINE how awkward it was for students at the Nossa Senhora do Rosario school in Rio de Janeiro. They were in a biology class learning all about...sperm. Teach asked 3 of the 15 year old male students to masturbate so that the class could study the sperm under a microscope.
I can't find any reports that say whether or not a circle jerk DID take place, but I do know that the students and associated families are suing the school teacher for requesting such a "disrespectful and bizarre thing".
Nuff said.
*************************
A Load Off of MY Mind!!!
Folks at the League of Energy Materialization and Unexplained phenomena Research (L.E.M.U.R.) have conclusively proven that the Brown Mountain Lights near Morganton, NC, are NOT, repeat NOT, alien life forms.
In a full report which will be released in the very near future, Joshua Warren (LEMUR's president) says documentation of the non-alien event will be made available. Appears that the lights that have been seen floating around the mountain for the past century are actually a form of natural plasma.
I can sleep safe tonight!
*************************
Danish for Breakfast: Not Kellogg's Cereal
Kellogg's is 'concerned and mystified' by Danish health officials' decision to ban many of their vitamin-enriched breakfast products. No longer will the Danes be able to indulge in tasty Corn Flakes or Special K. No more Snap Crackle Pop mornings with their Rice Krispies.
Seems the Danish officials think that the vitamin enriched products would be toxic to their country's children, damaging their livers and kidneys. Huh.
***************************
For those of you looking for new bedroom furniture, I present The Quantum Sleeper.
*********************
Now Git Yer Ayuss Offa That Couch, Woman!
Gayle Laverne Grinds, a four-foot, ten-inch 480 lb woman from Stuart, FL, has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from her couch.
Appears the 40 year old woman spent the past bunch o' years sitting on her couch and her flesh had actually become grafted into the fabric of the seat - Gayle had BECOME the couch!.
The emergency workers tried for 6 hours to remove her from the sofa, but found that it was just too painful for her. So they removed the sliding glass doors from her home and moved Gayle and her seat to a trailer for transport to Martin Memorial Hospital. She died at the hospital, still attached to the couch.
Being questioned for possible negligence charges is her housemate Herman Thomas. In his defence, he stated that he tried to take care of her and repeatedly tried to get her up off the couch, but simply couldn't.
Wow.
***********************
Teacher's Pet?
I know I used to really hate having to go up to the board in Algebra class and show my work.
I can only IMAGINE how awkward it was for students at the Nossa Senhora do Rosario school in Rio de Janeiro. They were in a biology class learning all about...sperm. Teach asked 3 of the 15 year old male students to masturbate so that the class could study the sperm under a microscope.
I can't find any reports that say whether or not a circle jerk DID take place, but I do know that the students and associated families are suing the school teacher for requesting such a "disrespectful and bizarre thing".
Nuff said.
*************************
A Load Off of MY Mind!!!
Folks at the League of Energy Materialization and Unexplained phenomena Research (L.E.M.U.R.) have conclusively proven that the Brown Mountain Lights near Morganton, NC, are NOT, repeat NOT, alien life forms.
In a full report which will be released in the very near future, Joshua Warren (LEMUR's president) says documentation of the non-alien event will be made available. Appears that the lights that have been seen floating around the mountain for the past century are actually a form of natural plasma.
I can sleep safe tonight!
*************************
Danish for Breakfast: Not Kellogg's Cereal
Kellogg's is 'concerned and mystified' by Danish health officials' decision to ban many of their vitamin-enriched breakfast products. No longer will the Danes be able to indulge in tasty Corn Flakes or Special K. No more Snap Crackle Pop mornings with their Rice Krispies.
Seems the Danish officials think that the vitamin enriched products would be toxic to their country's children, damaging their livers and kidneys. Huh.
***************************
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Today in History: August 11, 1984 Not realizing that his weekly radio address is already on the air, President Ronald Reagan quips into his live microphone: "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
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Link of the day
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The latest oppressed group...
A Dutch group, Small Intestines Anonymous, has started a movement to remove the word 'thin' from the Dutch dictionary because it is insulting to underweight people.
Stating that 'thin' is an abusive term used by 'fat over-rulers' against the slender folk, SIA has gotten 3,000 signatures on a petition to have the word expunged from the dictionary and will be presenting said petition to the Dutch Minister of Education, Culture, and Sciences.
Dictionary publishers Kramer and Van Dale are balking at the request: "We publish a dictionary of spoken and written Dutch. The word 'thin' is part of it. You don't change a language by just erasing a word."
I have 3 words for the SIA's: GET A LIFE
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Houston Man Rents Billboards To Appeal For Liver
Todd Krampitz needs a liver. Since March he has dropped 20 lbs and is in excruciating pain and docs say the only way he will survive is to get the transplant.
Not willing to wait for traditional donor methods, or even willing to go the trendy eBay way, Todd has invested in space on two billboards on the Southwest Freeway (US59) in Houston TX that say: 'I need a liver. Please help save my life.'
I think he should hook up with that Romanian guy who is selling his own body parts. Clearly he has some extra cash.
***************************
From Lord Mutter:
Iorworth Hoare is a convicted rapist who has served sentences for rape, attempted rape, and indecent assault. Iorworth was nearing the end of his most recent jail sentence (a life sentence, by the way), when he took a prison-authorized weekend release. He purchased a lottery ticket for Saturday's 39 Million dollar Lotto Extra drawing and dontcha know: he WON!
Sadly for Iorworth, he was moved to a higher-security prison for his own safety after becoming a millionaire.
The biggest question here is: why the heck was this recidivist rapist out of jail at all? Freaky Londoners.
***********************************
Thousands of chickens block Swedish road
Feathers flew and birds were squashed Tuesday morning in Stockholm, Sweden, when a truck carrying 8,000 live chickens to their ultimate demise flipped on the highway.
"The driver was too shocked to be questioned by police after the crash," said police, and the road was closed for over 9 hours as the police and rescue workers tried to clean up the mess.
Word has it that about 2500 of the birds were killed in the crash itself or were run over by cars speeding by.
The other thousands of chickens crossed the road and got to the other side.
***********************************
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Link of the day
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
The latest oppressed group...
A Dutch group, Small Intestines Anonymous, has started a movement to remove the word 'thin' from the Dutch dictionary because it is insulting to underweight people.
Stating that 'thin' is an abusive term used by 'fat over-rulers' against the slender folk, SIA has gotten 3,000 signatures on a petition to have the word expunged from the dictionary and will be presenting said petition to the Dutch Minister of Education, Culture, and Sciences.
Dictionary publishers Kramer and Van Dale are balking at the request: "We publish a dictionary of spoken and written Dutch. The word 'thin' is part of it. You don't change a language by just erasing a word."
I have 3 words for the SIA's: GET A LIFE
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Houston Man Rents Billboards To Appeal For Liver
Todd Krampitz needs a liver. Since March he has dropped 20 lbs and is in excruciating pain and docs say the only way he will survive is to get the transplant.
Not willing to wait for traditional donor methods, or even willing to go the trendy eBay way, Todd has invested in space on two billboards on the Southwest Freeway (US59) in Houston TX that say: 'I need a liver. Please help save my life.'
I think he should hook up with that Romanian guy who is selling his own body parts. Clearly he has some extra cash.
***************************
From Lord Mutter:
Iorworth Hoare is a convicted rapist who has served sentences for rape, attempted rape, and indecent assault. Iorworth was nearing the end of his most recent jail sentence (a life sentence, by the way), when he took a prison-authorized weekend release. He purchased a lottery ticket for Saturday's 39 Million dollar Lotto Extra drawing and dontcha know: he WON!
Sadly for Iorworth, he was moved to a higher-security prison for his own safety after becoming a millionaire.
The biggest question here is: why the heck was this recidivist rapist out of jail at all? Freaky Londoners.
***********************************
Thousands of chickens block Swedish road
Feathers flew and birds were squashed Tuesday morning in Stockholm, Sweden, when a truck carrying 8,000 live chickens to their ultimate demise flipped on the highway.
"The driver was too shocked to be questioned by police after the crash," said police, and the road was closed for over 9 hours as the police and rescue workers tried to clean up the mess.
Word has it that about 2500 of the birds were killed in the crash itself or were run over by cars speeding by.
The other thousands of chickens crossed the road and got to the other side.
***********************************
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Today in History: August 10, some time ago. My daddy was born! Whoo hoo!
Oh, also August 10, 1949 - In the U.S., the National Military Establishment had its name changed to the Department of Defense.
*********************
Rejection hotline. Call this number: 212-479-7990. Now.
*********************
Space Geek Alert!
I'm so psyched! Perseid meteor showers are well underway and are expected to peak right around Thursday August 12th. So make plans to run outside Wednesday night/Thursday morning and scan the heavens above. Somewhere around 2am or so, you may be lucky enough to wish on > 60 shooting stars per hour. If you've never done it before, or think it's stupid, you're actually missing something neat. Just hope it doesn't rain...
***********************
From Lord Mutter
Man Trips Over Woman; Becomes Family Feast
Wow. Benjie Ganoy of Palawan, Philippines, accidentally tripped over a woman at a dance party the other night. Got her daddy really mad. So daddy and his strapping young boys kidnapped Benjie, stabbed him to death, roasted him over a fire, and then ate his ears, tongues, and arms.
Police said there was no tradition of cannibalism in the area.
Not until NOW, that is.
***************************************
Icky Story of the Day
Nicola Constantino's gross. First, she has liposuction. Yucky #1. Then she saves the fat. #2. THEN she decides to sculpt two statues of human females out of her fat. #3. And sell them for $250 a piece.
And finally, she uses the remaining blubber to make soaps, featured in her disgusting 'art' display entitled Take a Shower with Me.
Nicola says: "I know it is disgusting but I am also aware that those soaps have something that wakes up people's sexuality and eroticism. It is an invitation to put our bodies in contact."
Not on your life, Nicola, not on your big fat sweaty yucky life.
*************************************
Angry Lactating Women Descend upon Starbucks
Lorig Charkoudian was nursing her baby at a Silver Spring, MD, Starbucks the other day when she was told by the highly paid and sensitive help to cover up or do that breast feeding thing in the bathroom.
Lorig got mad. So she gathered up 30 of her closest lactating friends and they all let it all hang out and let their babies have warm milk beverages at that Starbucks on Sunday.
*burp*
****************************
Oh, also August 10, 1949 - In the U.S., the National Military Establishment had its name changed to the Department of Defense.
*********************
Rejection hotline. Call this number: 212-479-7990. Now.
*********************
Space Geek Alert!
I'm so psyched! Perseid meteor showers are well underway and are expected to peak right around Thursday August 12th. So make plans to run outside Wednesday night/Thursday morning and scan the heavens above. Somewhere around 2am or so, you may be lucky enough to wish on > 60 shooting stars per hour. If you've never done it before, or think it's stupid, you're actually missing something neat. Just hope it doesn't rain...
***********************
From Lord Mutter
Man Trips Over Woman; Becomes Family Feast
Wow. Benjie Ganoy of Palawan, Philippines, accidentally tripped over a woman at a dance party the other night. Got her daddy really mad. So daddy and his strapping young boys kidnapped Benjie, stabbed him to death, roasted him over a fire, and then ate his ears, tongues, and arms.
Police said there was no tradition of cannibalism in the area.
Not until NOW, that is.
***************************************
Icky Story of the Day
Nicola Constantino's gross. First, she has liposuction. Yucky #1. Then she saves the fat. #2. THEN she decides to sculpt two statues of human females out of her fat. #3. And sell them for $250 a piece.
And finally, she uses the remaining blubber to make soaps, featured in her disgusting 'art' display entitled Take a Shower with Me.
Nicola says: "I know it is disgusting but I am also aware that those soaps have something that wakes up people's sexuality and eroticism. It is an invitation to put our bodies in contact."
Not on your life, Nicola, not on your big fat sweaty yucky life.
*************************************
Angry Lactating Women Descend upon Starbucks
Lorig Charkoudian was nursing her baby at a Silver Spring, MD, Starbucks the other day when she was told by the highly paid and sensitive help to cover up or do that breast feeding thing in the bathroom.
Lorig got mad. So she gathered up 30 of her closest lactating friends and they all let it all hang out and let their babies have warm milk beverages at that Starbucks on Sunday.
*burp*
****************************
Monday, August 09, 2004
This day in history: Aug 9 1995 Jerry Garcia dies of a heart attack at Serenity Knolls near Novato, California. He had checked himself into the drug rehab center a few days prior, in hopes of kicking his longstanding heroin habit. A moment of silence, if you please.
************************
(insert moment of silence here)
************************
Website of the moment: Scads of optical illusions to help you recover from the weekend's revelry.
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Here Kitty Kitty!
In Dolagobind, Orissa, school's out for the time being. Seems the school has been taken over by feline spirits which have been possessing the bodies of young girls, and it's just too disruptive to continue classes.
In the past two weeks, at least a dozen girls have suddenly fainted then, upon waking up, started behaving like cats. According to teachers at the school, the bewitched girls (aged between 8 and 12) have been seen clawing their own faces and shrieking like cats in heat.
"First three girls fell down when they came to school. We thought they hadn't had food so we gave them something to eat but after that also they were not normal and behaved strangely," said school headmistress Manjubala Pande. "Next day again some six-seven girls started crying, fell down on the floor making sounds like that of a cat. We immediately informed others in the village but after the faintings and behaviour repeated, we were forced to shut the school," he added.
Necromancers have been called in to remove the evil spirits, and the girls have been made to recite Vedic mantras and take part in fire rituals to purge the spirits. Parents state that the girls are getting better, but the girls do not recall the time frame of their feline state.
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From the Illustrious Lord Mutter:
Can You Name All 53 States?
The California Alternative High School is at risk of being shut down due to its alternative views of American History, and the slew of 'high school diplomas' its been handing out to immigrants desperate to live and grow in the land of opportunity. Seems the CAHS charged its students anywhere from $450 to $1,450 for a 10 week course based on a 54 page book of...er...crap.
Among the information that will no doubt help graduates of CAHS to obtain citizenship:
Congress has 2 houses: the Senate for Democrats, and the House for Republicans
The Federal Administrative branch oversees the Treasury Department
America has 53 states, we just forgot to update the flag when we added Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico (?the state?) to the ORIGINAL 50 states.
WWII, contrary to popular opinion, actually occurred from 1938 to 1942.
And if you want to catch a really good play on Broadway, check out "Death of a Traveling Salesman" - it's a classic!
CAHS isn't going quietly, though. They are actively expanding operations throughout the nation.
I believe that, in doing so, they are simply exercising their Marimba Rights.
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Thanks to the usually reserved Harold Friedline for this little nugget:
I'll Show Her!
YAY! Another example of cutting one's nose off to spite one's face. Or something akin to it.
This time a 70 year old Moroccan man was upset that his wife had been refusing to have sex with him and lopped off his manhood. He was taken to the hospital, but forgot to bring the offending appendage. So he was sewn up and sent back home sans wing ding.
"He didn't bring his penis with him. He has left the hospital well, but without his penis," a doctor from the Ibn Toufail hospital told Reuters on Saturday.
I wonder if his wife will even notice?
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No, I am NOT Obsessed. Much.
33 year old Constantin Dugulan from Rovinari, Romania, was so moved by reading about a doctor that accidentally chopped off a guy's staff of power during testicular surgery (as previously reported by this up-to-the-moment reporter), that he wants to sell his own power rod to the unintentional loppage victim.
Constantin is short on cash and not terribly interested in sex, so he's proposed this unique penile transplant surgery. "I am not sure this operation is possible but if it is I am ready to give up my penis for a better life."
He previously tried to sell other partially-used body parts, including one of his kidneys and an eyeball, but without success.
Perhaps he'll have better luck with this sale.
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In Laws. Ugh.
Steve and Kim Stillwell were married last Saturday, in a wonderful ceremony in Sheridan, IL. After all was done, Kim and Steve went to Steve's mom's house to pick up their kiddos before embarking on their family honey moon.
Steve and mom (Georgia) had a fight, and mom drove off in a huff with one of the child car seats in her auto. Kim hopped in her own car and chased after Mom. Caught up with her, and started to talk with her through the open window of Georgia's car.
Georgia got tired of talking and therefore drove off. With Kim still hanging in the window. Kim was dragged behind the car for about 25 yards, and was rushed to the local hospital with internal bleeding and torn muscles. She was released from the hospital Wednesday.
Georgia says it was all a big mistake: she would never hurt her grandchildren's mommy! "Even when the cops arrested me, I kept asking how she was doing. They're making me sound like I did it on purpose. It was an accident."
When you get married, you are marrying the family, not just the individual.
Cheers to you, Kim!
************************
(insert moment of silence here)
************************
Website of the moment: Scads of optical illusions to help you recover from the weekend's revelry.
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Here Kitty Kitty!
In Dolagobind, Orissa, school's out for the time being. Seems the school has been taken over by feline spirits which have been possessing the bodies of young girls, and it's just too disruptive to continue classes.
In the past two weeks, at least a dozen girls have suddenly fainted then, upon waking up, started behaving like cats. According to teachers at the school, the bewitched girls (aged between 8 and 12) have been seen clawing their own faces and shrieking like cats in heat.
"First three girls fell down when they came to school. We thought they hadn't had food so we gave them something to eat but after that also they were not normal and behaved strangely," said school headmistress Manjubala Pande. "Next day again some six-seven girls started crying, fell down on the floor making sounds like that of a cat. We immediately informed others in the village but after the faintings and behaviour repeated, we were forced to shut the school," he added.
Necromancers have been called in to remove the evil spirits, and the girls have been made to recite Vedic mantras and take part in fire rituals to purge the spirits. Parents state that the girls are getting better, but the girls do not recall the time frame of their feline state.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
From the Illustrious Lord Mutter:
Can You Name All 53 States?
The California Alternative High School is at risk of being shut down due to its alternative views of American History, and the slew of 'high school diplomas' its been handing out to immigrants desperate to live and grow in the land of opportunity. Seems the CAHS charged its students anywhere from $450 to $1,450 for a 10 week course based on a 54 page book of...er...crap.
Among the information that will no doubt help graduates of CAHS to obtain citizenship:
Congress has 2 houses: the Senate for Democrats, and the House for Republicans
The Federal Administrative branch oversees the Treasury Department
America has 53 states, we just forgot to update the flag when we added Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico (?the state?) to the ORIGINAL 50 states.
WWII, contrary to popular opinion, actually occurred from 1938 to 1942.
And if you want to catch a really good play on Broadway, check out "Death of a Traveling Salesman" - it's a classic!
CAHS isn't going quietly, though. They are actively expanding operations throughout the nation.
I believe that, in doing so, they are simply exercising their Marimba Rights.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Thanks to the usually reserved Harold Friedline for this little nugget:
I'll Show Her!
YAY! Another example of cutting one's nose off to spite one's face. Or something akin to it.
This time a 70 year old Moroccan man was upset that his wife had been refusing to have sex with him and lopped off his manhood. He was taken to the hospital, but forgot to bring the offending appendage. So he was sewn up and sent back home sans wing ding.
"He didn't bring his penis with him. He has left the hospital well, but without his penis," a doctor from the Ibn Toufail hospital told Reuters on Saturday.
I wonder if his wife will even notice?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
No, I am NOT Obsessed. Much.
33 year old Constantin Dugulan from Rovinari, Romania, was so moved by reading about a doctor that accidentally chopped off a guy's staff of power during testicular surgery (as previously reported by this up-to-the-moment reporter), that he wants to sell his own power rod to the unintentional loppage victim.
Constantin is short on cash and not terribly interested in sex, so he's proposed this unique penile transplant surgery. "I am not sure this operation is possible but if it is I am ready to give up my penis for a better life."
He previously tried to sell other partially-used body parts, including one of his kidneys and an eyeball, but without success.
Perhaps he'll have better luck with this sale.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
In Laws. Ugh.
Steve and Kim Stillwell were married last Saturday, in a wonderful ceremony in Sheridan, IL. After all was done, Kim and Steve went to Steve's mom's house to pick up their kiddos before embarking on their family honey moon.
Steve and mom (Georgia) had a fight, and mom drove off in a huff with one of the child car seats in her auto. Kim hopped in her own car and chased after Mom. Caught up with her, and started to talk with her through the open window of Georgia's car.
Georgia got tired of talking and therefore drove off. With Kim still hanging in the window. Kim was dragged behind the car for about 25 yards, and was rushed to the local hospital with internal bleeding and torn muscles. She was released from the hospital Wednesday.
Georgia says it was all a big mistake: she would never hurt her grandchildren's mommy! "Even when the cops arrested me, I kept asking how she was doing. They're making me sound like I did it on purpose. It was an accident."
When you get married, you are marrying the family, not just the individual.
Cheers to you, Kim!
