Tuesday, December 07, 2004
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Link of the day: http://www.fimoculous.com/year-review-2004.cfm The notorious Lists Page. Lists are just starting to come in for 2004, so you might want to bookmark this one and check back obsessively every 37 minutes for updates.
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Santa Good, Satan Bad
In York, clergy folk are all beside themselves with rage due to a new Christmas tourist attraction. The holy men have advised York Dungon that the planned Satan's Grotto exposes children to 'evil forces' and should not be put up.
Rather than going up to Santa and sitting on HIS knee, kiddies get to toddle on up to a scary creature in a dark cloak with a red face and horns. After placing their requests, the kids get little gifts like thoughtfully severed fingers and other body parts, instead of the minty candy canes Santa offers. They even get the option to sign their souls away via a Satanic scroll.
According to the Rev John Billingham: "Children going in there is one thing, but making requests to Satan is quite another. There is the potential for harm.... For thousands of years, even beyond the teaching of the Bible, it has been recognised that such a being known as the Devil or Satan exists....He is not a product of the imagination, but the embodiment and personification of all that is evil. He adversely and dreadfully affects all who allow him to influence their lives, wittingly or unwittingly."
I don't know about you, but I think it sounds cool! Anyone want to pay my airfare?
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Stupid Bad Driving Excuse # 327
A 23-year-old Italian police officer was stopped and arrested after drunkenly driving about 20 miles the wrong way down a busy highway.
When asked why he continued driving for so darned long, he declared that he believed everyone else on the road was going the wrong direction.
He's a thinker, that one. And yes, he's still a cop.
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And This Will Prove What???
So the other day there was an outburst of racist chanting at a Spanish football game between Getafe and Barcelona, held at Getafe's Colisum Alfonso Perez. The president of the Getafe team has decided that the best way he and his team can fight this racism is if, for the next game, his white players paint their faces black. This blackface would show that the Getafe squad is sensitive and has a sense of solidarity with black players.
When asked what he thought about it, player Gica Craioveanu suggested that perhaps playing a special match sans make up migth be a bit more appropriate. Playing this special match to raise social awareness of the racist problem in Spanish football "would be a better idea."
Silly him. It's not like black face has ever been considered a racist insult in and of itself...
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Watch the Flu Come Your Way!
If you have any hypochondriac friends, might want to direct them to this site: http://tamiflu.com/consumer_flualert.asp . There you can download a flu tracker program that will give you updates as to how sickly your neighbors are! Even without downloading, you can do a quick check by zipcode to see how close to death you are. Once downloaded, you can look at a pretty plague-related map to show you the nastiest snottiest regions of the US. Fun fun fun!
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Church Fall Down Go Boom.
1:40 pm, Sunday services wrapped up at the Zion Hill Baptist Church in Cincinnati, OH. Folks all left the building, off for a day of merriment and football and such.
By 3pm, the church was no longer. Seems the walls of the church didn't have any steel reinforcements within the cinder blocks, and the whole darned thing just collapsed! BOOM! Any other day, there likely would have been folks in the church praying and whatnot, but not on this Sunday.
"God must be telling us it's time to move," said Jerry Givens, a member for 30 years. "And that's what we'll do."
(psst...Jerry...that moving thing...kind of obvious, don't you think?)
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Lost en route from France:
Lost: small blue case containing slab of plastic explosives
Last Seen: Case was put in random (unknown) airline passenger's luggage as part of a security training exercise. Explosives not detected before luggage was placed on one of possible flights.
Has sentimental value for the French police. Please return!
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Link of the day: http://www.fimoculous.com/year-review-2004.cfm The notorious Lists Page. Lists are just starting to come in for 2004, so you might want to bookmark this one and check back obsessively every 37 minutes for updates.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Santa Good, Satan Bad
In York, clergy folk are all beside themselves with rage due to a new Christmas tourist attraction. The holy men have advised York Dungon that the planned Satan's Grotto exposes children to 'evil forces' and should not be put up.
Rather than going up to Santa and sitting on HIS knee, kiddies get to toddle on up to a scary creature in a dark cloak with a red face and horns. After placing their requests, the kids get little gifts like thoughtfully severed fingers and other body parts, instead of the minty candy canes Santa offers. They even get the option to sign their souls away via a Satanic scroll.
According to the Rev John Billingham: "Children going in there is one thing, but making requests to Satan is quite another. There is the potential for harm.... For thousands of years, even beyond the teaching of the Bible, it has been recognised that such a being known as the Devil or Satan exists....He is not a product of the imagination, but the embodiment and personification of all that is evil. He adversely and dreadfully affects all who allow him to influence their lives, wittingly or unwittingly."
I don't know about you, but I think it sounds cool! Anyone want to pay my airfare?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Stupid Bad Driving Excuse # 327
A 23-year-old Italian police officer was stopped and arrested after drunkenly driving about 20 miles the wrong way down a busy highway.
When asked why he continued driving for so darned long, he declared that he believed everyone else on the road was going the wrong direction.
He's a thinker, that one. And yes, he's still a cop.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
And This Will Prove What???
So the other day there was an outburst of racist chanting at a Spanish football game between Getafe and Barcelona, held at Getafe's Colisum Alfonso Perez. The president of the Getafe team has decided that the best way he and his team can fight this racism is if, for the next game, his white players paint their faces black. This blackface would show that the Getafe squad is sensitive and has a sense of solidarity with black players.
When asked what he thought about it, player Gica Craioveanu suggested that perhaps playing a special match sans make up migth be a bit more appropriate. Playing this special match to raise social awareness of the racist problem in Spanish football "would be a better idea."
Silly him. It's not like black face has ever been considered a racist insult in and of itself...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Watch the Flu Come Your Way!
If you have any hypochondriac friends, might want to direct them to this site: http://tamiflu.com/consumer_flualert.asp . There you can download a flu tracker program that will give you updates as to how sickly your neighbors are! Even without downloading, you can do a quick check by zipcode to see how close to death you are. Once downloaded, you can look at a pretty plague-related map to show you the nastiest snottiest regions of the US. Fun fun fun!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Church Fall Down Go Boom.
1:40 pm, Sunday services wrapped up at the Zion Hill Baptist Church in Cincinnati, OH. Folks all left the building, off for a day of merriment and football and such.
By 3pm, the church was no longer. Seems the walls of the church didn't have any steel reinforcements within the cinder blocks, and the whole darned thing just collapsed! BOOM! Any other day, there likely would have been folks in the church praying and whatnot, but not on this Sunday.
"God must be telling us it's time to move," said Jerry Givens, a member for 30 years. "And that's what we'll do."
(psst...Jerry...that moving thing...kind of obvious, don't you think?)
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Lost en route from France:
Lost: small blue case containing slab of plastic explosives
Last Seen: Case was put in random (unknown) airline passenger's luggage as part of a security training exercise. Explosives not detected before luggage was placed on one of possible flights.
Has sentimental value for the French police. Please return!
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