Daily Drivel

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For those of you looking for new bedroom furniture, I present The Quantum Sleeper.

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Now Git Yer Ayuss Offa That Couch, Woman!

Gayle Laverne Grinds, a four-foot, ten-inch 480 lb woman from Stuart, FL, has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from her couch.

Appears the 40 year old woman spent the past bunch o' years sitting on her couch and her flesh had actually become grafted into the fabric of the seat - Gayle had BECOME the couch!.

The emergency workers tried for 6 hours to remove her from the sofa, but found that it was just too painful for her. So they removed the sliding glass doors from her home and moved Gayle and her seat to a trailer for transport to Martin Memorial Hospital. She died at the hospital, still attached to the couch.

Being questioned for possible negligence charges is her housemate Herman Thomas. In his defence, he stated that he tried to take care of her and repeatedly tried to get her up off the couch, but simply couldn't.

Wow.

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Teacher's Pet?

I know I used to really hate having to go up to the board in Algebra class and show my work.

I can only IMAGINE how awkward it was for students at the Nossa Senhora do Rosario school in Rio de Janeiro. They were in a biology class learning all about...sperm. Teach asked 3 of the 15 year old male students to masturbate so that the class could study the sperm under a microscope.

I can't find any reports that say whether or not a circle jerk DID take place, but I do know that the students and associated families are suing the school teacher for requesting such a "disrespectful and bizarre thing".

Nuff said.

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A Load Off of MY Mind!!!

Folks at the League of Energy Materialization and Unexplained phenomena Research (L.E.M.U.R.) have conclusively proven that the Brown Mountain Lights near Morganton, NC, are NOT, repeat NOT, alien life forms.

In a full report which will be released in the very near future, Joshua Warren (LEMUR's president) says documentation of the non-alien event will be made available. Appears that the lights that have been seen floating around the mountain for the past century are actually a form of natural plasma.

I can sleep safe tonight!

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Danish for Breakfast: Not Kellogg's Cereal

Kellogg's is 'concerned and mystified' by Danish health officials' decision to ban many of their vitamin-enriched breakfast products. No longer will the Danes be able to indulge in tasty Corn Flakes or Special K. No more Snap Crackle Pop mornings with their Rice Krispies.
Seems the Danish officials think that the vitamin enriched products would be toxic to their country's children, damaging their livers and kidneys. Huh.
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