Daily Drivel

Today in History: May 3 1988 The White House confirms stories that President Ronald Reagan's travel and public appearances are scheduled around astrological data furnished by a mystic in San Francisco. The astrologer also supplies input to the timing of critical international events, such as a recent arms control summit in Iceland. -dailyrotten

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Announcement of Short Term Reorganization

As readers of this missive may have noticed, there has been a severe lack of contributions from one Glenn McMillen. In fact, there has been silence since his awkward obsession with new hit Broadway shows was revealed.

In light of his reduced contributions and the escalating quantity and quality of contributions by Lord Mutter, there has been a temporary reorganization of staff. Until redeeming himself, Glenn will be known as Broadway Buff McMillen, and Lord Mutter has been elevated yet higher to Chief MidAtlantic Correspondent and Lord of All Else Mutter.

A rather unwieldy title, if I do say so myself.

This decision was made strictly on the basis of contributions and has nothing to do with the more than 2400 emails received today from CMCLAEMutter and my fear of more severe repercussions if I do not give in to his terrorist tactics. Nothing at all.

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Link of the day: Runaway Bride Kit on eBay! Hurry before it’s taken down!!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=20924&item=5577585474&rd=1

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Tow of Horror

A Polish tourist in Germany was impressed by the friendliness of a German motorist who pulled over to help him after his car broke down. The German offered to tow the Pole to the next service station. How nice, eh?

So the Pole hitched his car up to the German's auto and climbed back into his own driver's seat to be able to cautiously control his vehicle while being towed.

Just a few minutes after starting up, though, the German floored it, dragging the hapless pole down the highway at speeds upwards of 100mph! Wheeeeeeeee!

They whipped around numerous other cars, and only stopped when the German slammed into a construction site.

So kids, don't accept rides (or tows) from strangers.

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So a few weeks ago I enlightened you to the wonders of automatic kitty litter boxes. Well today Lord Mutter provides the following important update in poop management:

THE LITTER KWITTER

Australian mom Jo Lapidge has developed a potty training system designed for the feline in your life.

It is a three-step process, involving a progression of a little kitty potty from its place on the floor next to the loo, up to the lid of the hopper, and ultimately balanced on the toilet seat itself. The progression includes various color-coded discs with ever-widening openings to allow the cat product to ultimately disappear into the toilet bowl to be flushed with no muss/no fuss.

Jo's lovable Burmese cat Doogal took approximately 2 months to be properly potty trained.

"Doogal has fallen in, but he hasn't fallen in by accident, he has done it playing with the water,"

Yeah. PLAYING with the water. That's it.

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Lord Mutter strikes again, with this important political update:

President Lopez

Jennifer Lopez has decided that she'd "like to become the first female president -- that would be really cool."

Her platform would include increasing comfort levels: "The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House -- it doesn't look very cozy."

Go Jen -- you'd be a cool president, indeed! And Marc Anthony would be a fab first man.

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