Friday, August 20, 2004
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Mammoth Melon
Scott Robb is one proud farmer. The Alaskan 'giant produce' competitor started growinga cantaloupe in his greenhouse in April. Watching it with loving care, surrounding it with rodent-deterring mousetraps, Scott waited. And waited.
And has been rewarded with a 64.8 pound muskmelon. Said muskmelon will be appearing at the Alaska State Fair in Palmer, Alaska, if you want to visit and take a peek at this wonder melon.
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Speaking of Big Melons...
Sabrina Sabrok, an Argentine comedian, wants nothing more in life than to be a record-breaking 42 triple X. Currently a 42GGG (after 14 enhancements), she has decided to ignore the Plastic Surgeons' Association of Argentina warning that the weight of her boobies would be too much for the rest of her body.
As the experts say, "there needs to be balance on the body and she will lose that if the breasts go too big".
Guess maybe she'd tip over. But it would be a soft landing. HA!
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OMG! It's Farva!
So a police officer (PC Doble) in Somerset responded to a call about a break-in in a probation office in Somerset UK. He returned to his patrol car to find the Ford Focus had been booted.
See, he had parked in a private lot and over-eager Dave Stoodley follows the rules. If you don't live there, you get booted. Cop, Santa Claus, Lord Mutter himself, you get booted.
Officer Doble called for backup, but Dave insisted that the call was not an emergency so the car should not have been parked where it was.
All told, three cops and Dave fought for about an hour over this amazing adherence to the letter of the law. Ultimately, the police car was released after the car park owner agreed to waive the fee.
Dave still says he's right. "Why should the police have special privileges?," he said.
Why indeed, Dave, why indeed...
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What's in a Name?
Nick Mann apparently has a reputation he didn't know about. But Prudential Insurance knows about it.
Hence they sent the Bedfordshire man a letter that stated:
"Dear Mr Shagslikeadonkey, Moving your home insurance to Prudential could save about £80 . . ."
A Prudential spokesman said that it turns out a former employee put the name in their system ages ago, and gosh they're sorry.
He added: "One individual let us down. We'll review our safeguards."
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WWYT?
An unidentified woman didn't curl into a ball of tears when her divorce from a physically abusive man went final. Quite the contrary. The Saudi woman threw a $4000 party in a public park, whooping it up with family, friends, and the occasional stranger with much drinking and merriment.
What makes this one different from all the other $4,000 What Were You Thinking parties out there? This one was in Riyadh - ultra conservative land of stick-with-it-till-ya-die-even-if-he's-abusive-and-such viewpoint.
Rock on, lady!
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Follow Up on the Pump Judge
Remember the Pump Judge of former missives? The one in Oklahoma who got his jollies with his jumblies and an enhancement pump while presiding over court cases?
Get this: Tomorrow, this guy was likely going to be suspended as his case was to be heard by the State Court on the Judiciary. So he beat them to the punch and resigned. By resigning, he gets to quit work and still retire with a full pension.
In his resignation letter, he had this to say:
"I have greatly enjoyed my public service and offer my gratitude for the public trust reposed in me during the terms I served."
Greatly enjoyed his public service.
Why yes, yes he did.
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Would you eat them in a box?
Charles Augustus Steen is one angry camper. He is trying to extort the widow of Dr Seuss by threatening to make public a raunchy painting of Horton, the Who's, the Grinch, and who KNOWS who else doing the nasty in a cartoon orgy. Highly distressing.
Charlie wants 2.5 million dollars to keep the dirty picture to himself. He also has a secondary extortion plot going on. He wants money to compensate him for "Daisy-Head Mayzie" - a story he says was plagiarized by Dr Seuss.
If he doesn't receive 2.5 million dollars from Dr Seuss's widow for THAT one, he is going to publish a book entitled "The tragical history of Audrey Geisel, or How the Grinch Plagiarized My Goddam Children's Story".
I'm hoping she doesn't pay.
Mammoth Melon
Scott Robb is one proud farmer. The Alaskan 'giant produce' competitor started growinga cantaloupe in his greenhouse in April. Watching it with loving care, surrounding it with rodent-deterring mousetraps, Scott waited. And waited.
And has been rewarded with a 64.8 pound muskmelon. Said muskmelon will be appearing at the Alaska State Fair in Palmer, Alaska, if you want to visit and take a peek at this wonder melon.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Speaking of Big Melons...
Sabrina Sabrok, an Argentine comedian, wants nothing more in life than to be a record-breaking 42 triple X. Currently a 42GGG (after 14 enhancements), she has decided to ignore the Plastic Surgeons' Association of Argentina warning that the weight of her boobies would be too much for the rest of her body.
As the experts say, "there needs to be balance on the body and she will lose that if the breasts go too big".
Guess maybe she'd tip over. But it would be a soft landing. HA!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
OMG! It's Farva!
So a police officer (PC Doble) in Somerset responded to a call about a break-in in a probation office in Somerset UK. He returned to his patrol car to find the Ford Focus had been booted.
See, he had parked in a private lot and over-eager Dave Stoodley follows the rules. If you don't live there, you get booted. Cop, Santa Claus, Lord Mutter himself, you get booted.
Officer Doble called for backup, but Dave insisted that the call was not an emergency so the car should not have been parked where it was.
All told, three cops and Dave fought for about an hour over this amazing adherence to the letter of the law. Ultimately, the police car was released after the car park owner agreed to waive the fee.
Dave still says he's right. "Why should the police have special privileges?," he said.
Why indeed, Dave, why indeed...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
What's in a Name?
Nick Mann apparently has a reputation he didn't know about. But Prudential Insurance knows about it.
Hence they sent the Bedfordshire man a letter that stated:
"Dear Mr Shagslikeadonkey, Moving your home insurance to Prudential could save about £80 . . ."
A Prudential spokesman said that it turns out a former employee put the name in their system ages ago, and gosh they're sorry.
He added: "One individual let us down. We'll review our safeguards."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
WWYT?
An unidentified woman didn't curl into a ball of tears when her divorce from a physically abusive man went final. Quite the contrary. The Saudi woman threw a $4000 party in a public park, whooping it up with family, friends, and the occasional stranger with much drinking and merriment.
What makes this one different from all the other $4,000 What Were You Thinking parties out there? This one was in Riyadh - ultra conservative land of stick-with-it-till-ya-die-even-if-he's-abusive-and-such viewpoint.
Rock on, lady!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Follow Up on the Pump Judge
Remember the Pump Judge of former missives? The one in Oklahoma who got his jollies with his jumblies and an enhancement pump while presiding over court cases?
Get this: Tomorrow, this guy was likely going to be suspended as his case was to be heard by the State Court on the Judiciary. So he beat them to the punch and resigned. By resigning, he gets to quit work and still retire with a full pension.
In his resignation letter, he had this to say:
"I have greatly enjoyed my public service and offer my gratitude for the public trust reposed in me during the terms I served."
Greatly enjoyed his public service.
Why yes, yes he did.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Would you eat them in a box?
Charles Augustus Steen is one angry camper. He is trying to extort the widow of Dr Seuss by threatening to make public a raunchy painting of Horton, the Who's, the Grinch, and who KNOWS who else doing the nasty in a cartoon orgy. Highly distressing.
Charlie wants 2.5 million dollars to keep the dirty picture to himself. He also has a secondary extortion plot going on. He wants money to compensate him for "Daisy-Head Mayzie" - a story he says was plagiarized by Dr Seuss.
If he doesn't receive 2.5 million dollars from Dr Seuss's widow for THAT one, he is going to publish a book entitled "The tragical history of Audrey Geisel, or How the Grinch Plagiarized My Goddam Children's Story".
I'm hoping she doesn't pay.
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