Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Today in History: August 2, 1939 - Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.
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Odd link of the day: Can you tell if a person is alive or dead just from a picture? Participate in a study by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. http://www.psiarcade.com/diagnose/intro.html
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Orange You Glad You're Reading This?
Heck, when I was a kid and I'd hide food in my bedroom, I'd get in trouble from mom and dad.
Guess things were different back in 1921, when Margie Clark's dad had an orange that he was going to give to his sister for Christmas. He hid it in a dresser drawer and then promptly forgot about it. For a few years.
"The next time he saw it, the orange had started to get really hard, like a rock," Margie said.
After finding the hard-as-a-rock orange, Margie's dad thought it would be really smart to put it in a trunk and save it for a few more years.
That he did.
Margie waxes rhapsodic when telling how, when she was 8, she'd go up to his trunk and play with his orange, bapping it about.
So when Dad died, the orange was passed on down to Margie, who's about 80 years old at this point.
Now she's planning on passing the rotten fruit on to her offspring when she dies.
"It's almost unbelievable," she said. "That must have been a perfect orange to last this long."
Uh, yeah.
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A team of scientists at Stanford University noticed that there are courtship rituals followed by fruit flies and thought that maybe this would enlighten them regarding the courtship fates of humans.
These rituals include things like chasing the female, tapping her with his leg, singing by vibrating wings, then a little touching and fly-cuddling before trying to mate. Translated: foreplay.
So they messed around with the basic cell structure of a bunch of flies and compared their mating success with the success of un-mucked-about flies.
Turns out that the fumbling flies who had their cells messed with tried to race through the foreplay and ultimately didn't score. Those who DID do the foreplay and showed some sensitivity on a fruit fly level, DID score.
So there ya have it.
I wonder if they spooned afterward?
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It had been such a while, I was thinking this trend had ended! Thanks to Po Dong (Really!), a migrant worker from Myanmar. Poor Dong became greatly saddened when his wife, Kate, refused to have sex with him last Thursday.
So he slammed down whiskey all night and worked himself into a rage. Friday he tried again, and again was rebuffed.
At that point, Dong freaked out, grabbed a pair of scissors, and lopped off his wing ding.
But wait! There's more!
He then took the member and cut it into several bite sized pieces and stabbed himself in the belly as he shrieked at his wife!
He's in the hospital now. And I believe he won't be having sex for a long long long time.
Perhaps he should have paid attention to the fruit flies.
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Those Who Can, Do, Those Who Can't. . .
Dieter R Wolf has been teaching others to drive for many years. In fact, he has passed over 1,000 students who have gone on to obtain their drivers' licenses. So sad that he doesn't have a license himself.
This was discovered after Dieter had a minor accident with a truck recently, his first in 4 decades of driving cars, tractors, and even military tanks.
When asked why he had gone so long without a license, especially considering his profession, Dieter admitted that he failed his first driving test 43 years ago: "I flunked it because I drove too fast at a roundabout and didn't come to a complete standstill at a stop sign, I was too afraid to try again."
Chicken! B-kaw!
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Speaking of Chickens...from the ever-helpful Lord Mutter:
We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges
Key West, FL, has been plagued by chickens of late and in January city officials hired Armando Parra Sr to rid the city of the foul fowl. The rate: $20 per clucker caught through Sept 30, 2004. Limit: 900.
The city issued Armando a Hit List for the chickens , telling him specifically which poultry to plunder. Unfortunately for Armando, the birds tend to wander and it was difficult to execute a proper hit. In fact, since January he has only bagged 542 birds, and has now decided that he is going to become a freelance chicken catcher.
"I just thought it was a better idea if I went out on my own," said Armando. "You either catch them or you don't. This thing about getting designated chickens in designated areas, that's impossible."
The stress of being the city's designated bird hacker wore on Armando's nerves. Taunts were thrown. Rotisseries were mockingly left in his city-issued bird cages. Traps were stomped. Armando fled the town for 11 days recently, because he "couldn't take it anymore."
One could say, I guess, that Armando the Chicken Catcher was fried.
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More T-Shirt Issues
Oscar Arela and his hot chick girlfriend Tala Tow were kicked off of Flight 952 at the Miami International Airport this past Saturday. Tala says that four Miami-Dade police officers and 3 federal security agents swept the couple off of the flight because...(drumroll)...a flight attendant was offended by Oscar's teeshirt and he refused to remove it or turn it inside-out.
As Tala tells it, the image on the t-shirt is "a picture of a man and woman, and the woman's breast is showing. The flight attendant basically walked up to us and yelled, 'You have to take off that shirt right now."'
The spokesperson from the airline said that he _HEARD_ that it was a picture of a graphic of a naked couple having sex. As such, it violated the airline's unspoken proper attire requirement.
The flight left 90 minutes late without them, and the airline gave the couple a refund.
Of course the ACLU is jumping in on this, with a surprisingly coherent argument from Howard Simon, Executive Director: "I'd like to figure out how a T-shirt that offends one member of the crew somehow impacts the safety of the flight or the ability of the flight to continue to New York. If they want to permit this kind of action by flight attendants, then they better have a clear policy that is announced in advance and made known to passengers in advance."
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My Ice Cream is Too Cold!
Some freaky woman in Romania filed an official complaint with the consumer protection authority in Slatina because, she said, her ice cream was too darned cold.
The trading standards officials have accepted her complaint and will consider it, however the head of the agency, Ion Carzon, has already kind of stated his view on the matter:"We had strange complaints before but this one is really something. This lady actually got hot because her ice-cream was too cold."
I guess it was her first Brain Freeze experience.
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Odd link of the day: Can you tell if a person is alive or dead just from a picture? Participate in a study by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. http://www.psiarcade.com/diagnose/intro.html
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Orange You Glad You're Reading This?
Heck, when I was a kid and I'd hide food in my bedroom, I'd get in trouble from mom and dad.
Guess things were different back in 1921, when Margie Clark's dad had an orange that he was going to give to his sister for Christmas. He hid it in a dresser drawer and then promptly forgot about it. For a few years.
"The next time he saw it, the orange had started to get really hard, like a rock," Margie said.
After finding the hard-as-a-rock orange, Margie's dad thought it would be really smart to put it in a trunk and save it for a few more years.
That he did.
Margie waxes rhapsodic when telling how, when she was 8, she'd go up to his trunk and play with his orange, bapping it about.
So when Dad died, the orange was passed on down to Margie, who's about 80 years old at this point.
Now she's planning on passing the rotten fruit on to her offspring when she dies.
"It's almost unbelievable," she said. "That must have been a perfect orange to last this long."
Uh, yeah.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
More Very Important Research Results
A team of scientists at Stanford University noticed that there are courtship rituals followed by fruit flies and thought that maybe this would enlighten them regarding the courtship fates of humans.
These rituals include things like chasing the female, tapping her with his leg, singing by vibrating wings, then a little touching and fly-cuddling before trying to mate. Translated: foreplay.
So they messed around with the basic cell structure of a bunch of flies and compared their mating success with the success of un-mucked-about flies.
Turns out that the fumbling flies who had their cells messed with tried to race through the foreplay and ultimately didn't score. Those who DID do the foreplay and showed some sensitivity on a fruit fly level, DID score.
So there ya have it.
I wonder if they spooned afterward?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Whoo Hoo! Penis Choppage!
It had been such a while, I was thinking this trend had ended! Thanks to Po Dong (Really!), a migrant worker from Myanmar. Poor Dong became greatly saddened when his wife, Kate, refused to have sex with him last Thursday.
So he slammed down whiskey all night and worked himself into a rage. Friday he tried again, and again was rebuffed.
At that point, Dong freaked out, grabbed a pair of scissors, and lopped off his wing ding.
But wait! There's more!
He then took the member and cut it into several bite sized pieces and stabbed himself in the belly as he shrieked at his wife!
He's in the hospital now. And I believe he won't be having sex for a long long long time.
Perhaps he should have paid attention to the fruit flies.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Those Who Can, Do, Those Who Can't. . .
Dieter R Wolf has been teaching others to drive for many years. In fact, he has passed over 1,000 students who have gone on to obtain their drivers' licenses. So sad that he doesn't have a license himself.
This was discovered after Dieter had a minor accident with a truck recently, his first in 4 decades of driving cars, tractors, and even military tanks.
When asked why he had gone so long without a license, especially considering his profession, Dieter admitted that he failed his first driving test 43 years ago: "I flunked it because I drove too fast at a roundabout and didn't come to a complete standstill at a stop sign, I was too afraid to try again."
Chicken! B-kaw!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Speaking of Chickens...from the ever-helpful Lord Mutter:
We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges
Key West, FL, has been plagued by chickens of late and in January city officials hired Armando Parra Sr to rid the city of the foul fowl. The rate: $20 per clucker caught through Sept 30, 2004. Limit: 900.
The city issued Armando a Hit List for the chickens , telling him specifically which poultry to plunder. Unfortunately for Armando, the birds tend to wander and it was difficult to execute a proper hit. In fact, since January he has only bagged 542 birds, and has now decided that he is going to become a freelance chicken catcher.
"I just thought it was a better idea if I went out on my own," said Armando. "You either catch them or you don't. This thing about getting designated chickens in designated areas, that's impossible."
The stress of being the city's designated bird hacker wore on Armando's nerves. Taunts were thrown. Rotisseries were mockingly left in his city-issued bird cages. Traps were stomped. Armando fled the town for 11 days recently, because he "couldn't take it anymore."
One could say, I guess, that Armando the Chicken Catcher was fried.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
More T-Shirt Issues
Oscar Arela and his hot chick girlfriend Tala Tow were kicked off of Flight 952 at the Miami International Airport this past Saturday. Tala says that four Miami-Dade police officers and 3 federal security agents swept the couple off of the flight because...(drumroll)...a flight attendant was offended by Oscar's teeshirt and he refused to remove it or turn it inside-out.
As Tala tells it, the image on the t-shirt is "a picture of a man and woman, and the woman's breast is showing. The flight attendant basically walked up to us and yelled, 'You have to take off that shirt right now."'
The spokesperson from the airline said that he _HEARD_ that it was a picture of a graphic of a naked couple having sex. As such, it violated the airline's unspoken proper attire requirement.
The flight left 90 minutes late without them, and the airline gave the couple a refund.
Of course the ACLU is jumping in on this, with a surprisingly coherent argument from Howard Simon, Executive Director: "I'd like to figure out how a T-shirt that offends one member of the crew somehow impacts the safety of the flight or the ability of the flight to continue to New York. If they want to permit this kind of action by flight attendants, then they better have a clear policy that is announced in advance and made known to passengers in advance."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
My Ice Cream is Too Cold!
Some freaky woman in Romania filed an official complaint with the consumer protection authority in Slatina because, she said, her ice cream was too darned cold.
The trading standards officials have accepted her complaint and will consider it, however the head of the agency, Ion Carzon, has already kind of stated his view on the matter:"We had strange complaints before but this one is really something. This lady actually got hot because her ice-cream was too cold."
I guess it was her first Brain Freeze experience.
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