Thursday, June 03, 2004
Today In History: June 3, 1968 Valerie Solanas, author of the SCUM Manifesto, arrives at the art studio of Andy Warhol and shoots him three times in the torso. Warhol barely survives the attempt on his life. Solanas is later jailed and institutionalized.
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One Foot in the Grave
Hazel Felton of Kenai Alaska was cleaning up the family graves at Kenai Cemetary this weekend when SUDDENLY her dog Boo Boo's leash got all tangled up on a cross! Hazel quickly went to free Boo Boo but was surprised when she actually ended up sinking into the grave below.
"I put one leg in past my hip bone. That's about 34 inches," said Hazel, "I just shot outta there like a light...it just creeped me out."
She landed in the grave of Warder Showalter, and called the Showalters up to let them know she had crashed his party. Rather than getting miffed about the situation, Warder's daughter Adeline took it lightly: "``I ask Hazel, 'Were you playing footsie with my dad?'''
``It's just one of those things that happens in life,'' she said.
Not MY life, thank you very much.
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This Guy's No Tree Hugger!
James Read believes that watching TV is a human right, and he is suing some trees that he says are too tall and block his satellite signals. James is going to the top to try to get the abominations removed, stopping not just at the Deputy Prime Minister but moving on up to the European Court of Human Rights.
"Living in a technological age, I consider it a basic human right to receive television signals and enjoy watching television."
The trees block not only the all-important tv signals, but also blocks out the sun. So far James' request has been rejected by 5 votes to 4, since the trees really aren't infringing upon any human rights or health and safety grounds.
The good news is, the trees do also block out the alien mind control rays that we all know are out there.
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At The Car Wash...Workin' at the Car Wash Yeah...
So this guy from Thamesford, Ontario, catches a cab. While in Woodstock, Ontario, said cab stops at a gas station around 10pm to fill up the tank. So the passenger did what most cab riders would do on a long trip. He decided to stretch and maybe clean up a bit since he had the chance.
By stripping down naked and taking a shower in a car wash.
Bucky was arrested in the buff and charged with being intoxicated in a public place.
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Dive for Keys Nearly Kills Mo. Man
Michael Hatfield f Lee's Summit, MO, lost his car keys in Longview Lake over Memorial Day weekend. So sad. And not one to take such things in stride, Mikey here decided to get those keys back or die trying!
So he tied a 20 lb boat anchor around his waist, and grabbed himself a garden hose to use as a snorkel. With the cameras rolling for important home video of his intelligence, Mikey dove into the water with his anchor and hose. He forgot the importance of goggles when peering through the murky depths, but anyway...
Mikey dove down once, no luck, then twice - and the garden hose slipped out of his mouth. Unable to breath, unable to see, Mikey became disoriented in the lake. Luckily for him, he had tied himself to a rope being held by a designated spotter on the beach, and said spotter kind of sensed that there was a problem and pulled him up to the surface.
At first Mikey was not breathing and was unresponsive, but ultimately he came around.
His words of wisdom?
"Keys can really be replaced," he said. "At the time, I did not think about that. It was really an embarrassment."
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One Foot in the Grave
Hazel Felton of Kenai Alaska was cleaning up the family graves at Kenai Cemetary this weekend when SUDDENLY her dog Boo Boo's leash got all tangled up on a cross! Hazel quickly went to free Boo Boo but was surprised when she actually ended up sinking into the grave below.
"I put one leg in past my hip bone. That's about 34 inches," said Hazel, "I just shot outta there like a light...it just creeped me out."
She landed in the grave of Warder Showalter, and called the Showalters up to let them know she had crashed his party. Rather than getting miffed about the situation, Warder's daughter Adeline took it lightly: "``I ask Hazel, 'Were you playing footsie with my dad?'''
``It's just one of those things that happens in life,'' she said.
Not MY life, thank you very much.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
This Guy's No Tree Hugger!
James Read believes that watching TV is a human right, and he is suing some trees that he says are too tall and block his satellite signals. James is going to the top to try to get the abominations removed, stopping not just at the Deputy Prime Minister but moving on up to the European Court of Human Rights.
"Living in a technological age, I consider it a basic human right to receive television signals and enjoy watching television."
The trees block not only the all-important tv signals, but also blocks out the sun. So far James' request has been rejected by 5 votes to 4, since the trees really aren't infringing upon any human rights or health and safety grounds.
The good news is, the trees do also block out the alien mind control rays that we all know are out there.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
At The Car Wash...Workin' at the Car Wash Yeah...
So this guy from Thamesford, Ontario, catches a cab. While in Woodstock, Ontario, said cab stops at a gas station around 10pm to fill up the tank. So the passenger did what most cab riders would do on a long trip. He decided to stretch and maybe clean up a bit since he had the chance.
By stripping down naked and taking a shower in a car wash.
Bucky was arrested in the buff and charged with being intoxicated in a public place.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dive for Keys Nearly Kills Mo. Man
Michael Hatfield f Lee's Summit, MO, lost his car keys in Longview Lake over Memorial Day weekend. So sad. And not one to take such things in stride, Mikey here decided to get those keys back or die trying!
So he tied a 20 lb boat anchor around his waist, and grabbed himself a garden hose to use as a snorkel. With the cameras rolling for important home video of his intelligence, Mikey dove into the water with his anchor and hose. He forgot the importance of goggles when peering through the murky depths, but anyway...
Mikey dove down once, no luck, then twice - and the garden hose slipped out of his mouth. Unable to breath, unable to see, Mikey became disoriented in the lake. Luckily for him, he had tied himself to a rope being held by a designated spotter on the beach, and said spotter kind of sensed that there was a problem and pulled him up to the surface.
At first Mikey was not breathing and was unresponsive, but ultimately he came around.
His words of wisdom?
"Keys can really be replaced," he said. "At the time, I did not think about that. It was really an embarrassment."
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