Monday, May 24, 2004
Your Tax Dollars at Work
The Pennsylvania Association of Professional Soil Scientists has been pushing to have Hazleton soil named as the official State Soil of Pennsylvania. It actually went through the State House (passing 177 -22) and now must make it through the Senate.
"Enough is enough," said state Rep. Kelly Lewis, . "I'm sure Hazleton soil is important to someone in the state. My people didn't elect me to worry about that stuff." Lewis has previously gotten people irritated by casting votes against naming celestite the state mineral and polka the state dance.
WHERE are his priorities???
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Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Another bungled bobbery occurred at a service station in Germany. Bucky tried to steal wine, energy drinks, and junk food from the station, little noticing that there was a 100-man police unit outside in the parking lot taking a break from a major assignment. Since the place had a large glass wall, the cops all got to see the bobber take the schtuff and leave without paying.
So he walked out of the building and found himself surrounded by scores of policemen, who returned the stolen goods to the store owner and then dragged his sorry butt down to the local police.
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Another Suing Maniac
A man in China's Hunan province, we'll call him Chen, went to an alternative medicine guru because he had severe neck pains. Guru said not to worry, just eat 6 raw frogs a day and he would soon be rid of the neck pain.
So Chen did so, ate 130 of the buggers before he collapsed with severe stomach pains and headaches. Turns out he had filled his body up with parasites from the froggies.
Now Chen is suing the guru. I personally don't think he has a leg to stand on: Guru said he wouldn't have the neck pain. Well, he doesn't now, does he?
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Free flights for nice people
Delta's Low-Fare carrier 'Song' is offering an interesting program in an attempt to build customer loyalty and generate more bucks. The program? Free tickets to passengers who are nice to each other.
According to reports, you could qualify to earn one of 5000 round-trip tickets on Song if you just stay happy and friendly and maybe go out of your way to help someone else at the airport.
Isn't that sweet?
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Dagnabbit! Arnold's Used Cough Drop No Longer on eBay!
Drat. Some person saw Arnold spit out a cough drop into a trash can and diligently fished it out and posted it on ebay as Schwarzenegger DNA. Sadly, eBay yanked it, because that made the throat lozenge a body part. The poster does have the option to put the nasty thing back up on the auction block, but only if s/he posts it as a collectible instead.
Ew.
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Garbage collectors clean up trash addiction
Neighbors got tired of the stench wafting from the home of an elderly woman in Guangzhou, China, so they called in the professionals. When the sanitation crew got there, they discovered the 70+ year old woman living in a home filled to the brim with old clothes, bottles, and scrap wood that she had been collecting for the past couple of years compulsively. The garbage collectors filled 3 garbage trucks and over 100 small carts with crud from her home, in spite of her protests that, for example, "The clothing's still clean, it's still wearable!"
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Another Stupid Person in China
Mao Kyan didn't want the cops to charge him with possession of a weapon as well as possession of drugs when they invaded his house. So instead of swallowing the drugs, he opted to swallow the knife.
So sad for him, it didn't go all the way down his throat and instead lodged there for an amazing 8 months! He apparently thought that the weapon had somehow dissolved in his stomach, so he didn’t think twice about it not coming out the other end (ouch! If it had) Then he started having a severe sore throat. Went to the docs, who found the knife lodged in his trachea. They immediately removed it, noting that it was a miracle he had survived and that the weapon "could have killed him at any second".
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The Pennsylvania Association of Professional Soil Scientists has been pushing to have Hazleton soil named as the official State Soil of Pennsylvania. It actually went through the State House (passing 177 -22) and now must make it through the Senate.
"Enough is enough," said state Rep. Kelly Lewis, . "I'm sure Hazleton soil is important to someone in the state. My people didn't elect me to worry about that stuff." Lewis has previously gotten people irritated by casting votes against naming celestite the state mineral and polka the state dance.
WHERE are his priorities???
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Another bungled bobbery occurred at a service station in Germany. Bucky tried to steal wine, energy drinks, and junk food from the station, little noticing that there was a 100-man police unit outside in the parking lot taking a break from a major assignment. Since the place had a large glass wall, the cops all got to see the bobber take the schtuff and leave without paying.
So he walked out of the building and found himself surrounded by scores of policemen, who returned the stolen goods to the store owner and then dragged his sorry butt down to the local police.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Another Suing Maniac
A man in China's Hunan province, we'll call him Chen, went to an alternative medicine guru because he had severe neck pains. Guru said not to worry, just eat 6 raw frogs a day and he would soon be rid of the neck pain.
So Chen did so, ate 130 of the buggers before he collapsed with severe stomach pains and headaches. Turns out he had filled his body up with parasites from the froggies.
Now Chen is suing the guru. I personally don't think he has a leg to stand on: Guru said he wouldn't have the neck pain. Well, he doesn't now, does he?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Free flights for nice people
Delta's Low-Fare carrier 'Song' is offering an interesting program in an attempt to build customer loyalty and generate more bucks. The program? Free tickets to passengers who are nice to each other.
According to reports, you could qualify to earn one of 5000 round-trip tickets on Song if you just stay happy and friendly and maybe go out of your way to help someone else at the airport.
Isn't that sweet?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dagnabbit! Arnold's Used Cough Drop No Longer on eBay!
Drat. Some person saw Arnold spit out a cough drop into a trash can and diligently fished it out and posted it on ebay as Schwarzenegger DNA. Sadly, eBay yanked it, because that made the throat lozenge a body part. The poster does have the option to put the nasty thing back up on the auction block, but only if s/he posts it as a collectible instead.
Ew.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Garbage collectors clean up trash addiction
Neighbors got tired of the stench wafting from the home of an elderly woman in Guangzhou, China, so they called in the professionals. When the sanitation crew got there, they discovered the 70+ year old woman living in a home filled to the brim with old clothes, bottles, and scrap wood that she had been collecting for the past couple of years compulsively. The garbage collectors filled 3 garbage trucks and over 100 small carts with crud from her home, in spite of her protests that, for example, "The clothing's still clean, it's still wearable!"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Another Stupid Person in China
Mao Kyan didn't want the cops to charge him with possession of a weapon as well as possession of drugs when they invaded his house. So instead of swallowing the drugs, he opted to swallow the knife.
So sad for him, it didn't go all the way down his throat and instead lodged there for an amazing 8 months! He apparently thought that the weapon had somehow dissolved in his stomach, so he didn’t think twice about it not coming out the other end (ouch! If it had) Then he started having a severe sore throat. Went to the docs, who found the knife lodged in his trachea. They immediately removed it, noting that it was a miracle he had survived and that the weapon "could have killed him at any second".
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