Daily Drivel

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Want to Have Kids? Try Having Sex!

So there's this German couple (30 and 36 years of age) who have desperately been trying to have children. After eight years of struggle, they finally went to the University Clinic of Lubek, a fertility clinic.
Rigorous testing showed that both parties were very very fertile and should not be having any troubles.
A clinic spokesman states: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?". "We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

A whole new world is now being opened to them, and expectations are that they will manage to conceive rather quickly. The university has taken this as a prime opportunity to get some funding: they are now undertaking a study to find out how many other clueless couples are out there trying to get pregnant just by wishing really hard.

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Zoo Member Fingered For Petting Jaguar

Zoo employees at the Rio Grande Zoo in Albuquerque NM thought it was odd to see their regular visitor running out of the zoo with his hand in his pocket and a dark stain spreading down his pants leg. So, since he was a member, folks got his phone number from the records to make sure all was okay.
Dude swore on his ten fingers that everything was fine.
How unfortunate for him that one of said fingers was laying in the jaguar's cage after having been bitten off by the big cat. The cops (ew) fingerprinted the digit, and confirmed that THIS member belonged to the ZOO member in question. They also swung by the guy's house and saw quite clearly that he had 9 fingers, not 10.

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Flying Turtle Smashes Driver's Windshield

Quite an eventful drive time the other day on I-95 in Indian River County, FL.
A 1-foot-long turtle was crossing the road when it was nicked by a passing truck. It soared through the air like a missile and slammed BAM through the windshield of one Ralph Glaister.
"There was a loud crash. When I looked up, there was glass all over me and a turtle sitting beside me in my van," Ralph said. "It seemed like it happened in slow motion."
Turtle and driver are fine, surprisingly, and Ralph will be setting the turtle free in an area less likely to cause unexpected flight.

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Silly Germans
Three thugs approached a 29 year old in Germany, planning to bob him of his wallet. They had him hand it over & they cruelly ripped out his money. Then somehow the dorkheads handed back to the 'victim' one of the bobbers' own wallets. Which of course had his ID in it. So, uh, they caught him. One of the 3 evil doers is still on the loose, but they did manage to capture the other.
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Feeling Down? Eat Some Potatoes
Lots o' people suffer from SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, getting depressed presumeably due to a lack of bright light during the winter months. Well, the Australian Center of Neuropsycotherapy has found that steam-cooked potatoes will work better than a number of SSRI's for those who are depressed!

"If people exercise, have enough bright light exposure during the day and have a good social network and nutrition intake, they could actually perhaps, if not totally, give up anti-depressants such as Prozac," says Rod Markham, director of said center.

Eating more complex carbohydrates like potatoes, broccoli, pasta and brown rice could boost serotonin activity in the brain.

So quit the pills and chow down on carbs!
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