Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Homophobe alert! Time to move to South Carolina!
ChristianExodus.org has decided to move forward with their plans to force a state to secede from the union and become its own sovereign nation. The corporation is most miffed that America has turned into a land of debauchery and this whole same-sex marriage thingy is just the last straw!
So here's the plan: ChristianExodus needs about 12000 political Christians to move to South Carolina. Then, after everyone is settled with their gazing balls and pink flamingos in place in the front yard, they're to actively join the fight to secede.
The new nation, which will still be known as South Carolina, should be up and running by 2016.
Cory Burnell, the president of ChristianExodus (and likely president of South Carolina), doesn't have any specifics about rules or laws or anything in his new country. His opinion is "Independence first, details later."
You go, Cory.
As my friend Ricky says: da link
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Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
There's one less witch in Dahod, thanks to brothers Savsinh and Raman Makwana. Ya see, one of their brothers died. And then HIS daughter died from massive vomiting and such. And they just KNEW it was because of their evil neighbor Ditaben Punia Sanghor.
Never mind the fact that she was just a quiet widow struggling to raise her family. That was just pretend. In fact, when their suspicions were originally tweaked, the Makwana brothers took her and 3 of her Mahjongg partners...er...witch buddies...to a hadwa in a neighboring village to determine which one of them was the true follower of the dark arts. This hadwa said the witch was one of the other women. So they took them to ANOTHER hadwa, and got the response they wanted: Ditaben is a witch!
So the villagers tried to de-witchify Ditaben, by shaving her hair and such. But Dita didn't like it. So that made them know even MORE that she's a witch. Then when the two family members died, Savsinh says that ‘‘She (Ditaben) told us that this was just the beginning and all our family members will meet the same fate. We had no other option but to kill her.’’
So they did. They grabbed a big old axe and smashed her in the head. But see, it's okay because there was no blood, see. In fact, according to Savsinh, ‘‘I hit her thrice with the axe but no blood came out. It’s quite clear that she was a daakan. We had to repeatedly hit her on the head before she died. But still, no blood came out." So she was CLEARLY a witch!
Savsinh is in jail now, and Raman will likely follow suit. But it's okay. 'Cause they did nothing wrong.
I just wonder...did she weigh...the same as a DUCK?!?!
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Bush Pronunciation Tips
Never mind the whole Future of Iraq thing, GW's pronunciations were on a high pitch last night during his address at the US Army War College in Carlisle, PA.
His goberunmental dismussion included not one, not two, but THREE butcherings of the name Abu Ghraib.
1. Abugah-rayp
2. Abu-garon
3. Abu-garah
Blame it on the headlong flip he did off his bike this weekend.
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SEPTA Terror Risk?
A motion detector was found in a rail yard by Philly's 30th Street Station and was turned over to the FBI, what with the whole Madrid train bombing the terrorists are going to get us and we're all gonna die mentality.
Turns out that after exhaustive investigation the FBI has determined that it was NOT part of a plan to attack our railways. Rather, it was placed there by a tenured employee who used it to warn him when his boss was coming down the tunnels/tracks to check on him. Cause, see, he liked to sleep on the job. And SEPTA apparently doesn't like that.
SEPTA is considering his future with the company as we speak, with a final decision to be made once the FBI's report is finalized.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Madonna Target of Terrorists
Reports have it that Madonna has been the target of Palestinian terrorist threats, and dagnabbit she's not gonna put her family at risk. So she's cancelled 3 of her Israeli concerts in response to the terrifying letters from the Palestinians.
Madonna believes that she is a target because of her Jewish Kabbalah religion and that little red string she wears around her wrist. Not so, say media sources. Rather, she is a target because she is a Symbol of the West. And they hate the West.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with her crummy remake of American Pie.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
ChristianExodus.org has decided to move forward with their plans to force a state to secede from the union and become its own sovereign nation. The corporation is most miffed that America has turned into a land of debauchery and this whole same-sex marriage thingy is just the last straw!
So here's the plan: ChristianExodus needs about 12000 political Christians to move to South Carolina. Then, after everyone is settled with their gazing balls and pink flamingos in place in the front yard, they're to actively join the fight to secede.
The new nation, which will still be known as South Carolina, should be up and running by 2016.
Cory Burnell, the president of ChristianExodus (and likely president of South Carolina), doesn't have any specifics about rules or laws or anything in his new country. His opinion is "Independence first, details later."
You go, Cory.
As my friend Ricky says: da link
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
There's one less witch in Dahod, thanks to brothers Savsinh and Raman Makwana. Ya see, one of their brothers died. And then HIS daughter died from massive vomiting and such. And they just KNEW it was because of their evil neighbor Ditaben Punia Sanghor.
Never mind the fact that she was just a quiet widow struggling to raise her family. That was just pretend. In fact, when their suspicions were originally tweaked, the Makwana brothers took her and 3 of her Mahjongg partners...er...witch buddies...to a hadwa in a neighboring village to determine which one of them was the true follower of the dark arts. This hadwa said the witch was one of the other women. So they took them to ANOTHER hadwa, and got the response they wanted: Ditaben is a witch!
So the villagers tried to de-witchify Ditaben, by shaving her hair and such. But Dita didn't like it. So that made them know even MORE that she's a witch. Then when the two family members died, Savsinh says that ‘‘She (Ditaben) told us that this was just the beginning and all our family members will meet the same fate. We had no other option but to kill her.’’
So they did. They grabbed a big old axe and smashed her in the head. But see, it's okay because there was no blood, see. In fact, according to Savsinh, ‘‘I hit her thrice with the axe but no blood came out. It’s quite clear that she was a daakan. We had to repeatedly hit her on the head before she died. But still, no blood came out." So she was CLEARLY a witch!
Savsinh is in jail now, and Raman will likely follow suit. But it's okay. 'Cause they did nothing wrong.
I just wonder...did she weigh...the same as a DUCK?!?!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Bush Pronunciation Tips
Never mind the whole Future of Iraq thing, GW's pronunciations were on a high pitch last night during his address at the US Army War College in Carlisle, PA.
His goberunmental dismussion included not one, not two, but THREE butcherings of the name Abu Ghraib.
1. Abugah-rayp
2. Abu-garon
3. Abu-garah
Blame it on the headlong flip he did off his bike this weekend.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
SEPTA Terror Risk?
A motion detector was found in a rail yard by Philly's 30th Street Station and was turned over to the FBI, what with the whole Madrid train bombing the terrorists are going to get us and we're all gonna die mentality.
Turns out that after exhaustive investigation the FBI has determined that it was NOT part of a plan to attack our railways. Rather, it was placed there by a tenured employee who used it to warn him when his boss was coming down the tunnels/tracks to check on him. Cause, see, he liked to sleep on the job. And SEPTA apparently doesn't like that.
SEPTA is considering his future with the company as we speak, with a final decision to be made once the FBI's report is finalized.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Madonna Target of Terrorists
Reports have it that Madonna has been the target of Palestinian terrorist threats, and dagnabbit she's not gonna put her family at risk. So she's cancelled 3 of her Israeli concerts in response to the terrifying letters from the Palestinians.
Madonna believes that she is a target because of her Jewish Kabbalah religion and that little red string she wears around her wrist. Not so, say media sources. Rather, she is a target because she is a Symbol of the West. And they hate the West.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with her crummy remake of American Pie.
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