Monday, May 10, 2004
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CORRECTION: I got my info from a bad source last Friday! So don't be bummed that you didn't spot Andy Kaufmann at your local Wendy's this Sunday. His resurrection is slated for NEXT Sunday, the 16th. I am so so so very sorry for any distress this may have caused.
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Two Bongs Don't Make a Right
In the Philippines, where folks can vote for candidates using just the candidates' nick-names, there's quite a tussle over the nick name "Bong". Apparently Olivia Coo and her rival Ramon Revilla both go by the moniker 'Bong'.
They ran to court to figure out who is the bigger bong and who just has to suck it up and deal. The Supreme Court ruled that they can both use whatever the heck nickname they want, and if a voter just writes "Bong" on the ballot, that vote will not be counted.
Makes me think of Florida...
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Irreconcilable Differences
Xiao Fang from Nanjing China did not like her hubby's evil Wolfhound, certain that the foul beast would ruin her lovely furniture in their new apartment. So she kept trying to lose the darned thing, but much like a Grimm's Fairy Tale character, the dog would keep returning to their home. So recently when hubby was away for business, Xiao hired 4 hitmen. They came, they saw, they slaughtered.
Hubby came home from the trip, learned of the demise of the wolfhound, and requested a divorce as he could not live under the same roof as a murderer.
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Mom Always Said, Don't Come Between Two Mating Horses
A guy named Robert(known as Bob, perhaps) in Warsaw Poland was bitten to death by a sexually excited stallion. The stallion had become smitten by a nearby mare, and was focused on doing the nasty with said mare. Bob tried to intervene, and the horse completely freaked out. An autopsy is being conducted to determine whether the cause of death was a severed jugular vein or a damaged spine. No news as to whether or not the stallion got lucky after the attack.
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Ew Icky!
Oh yuck. Police were called to investigate a reported sighting of «a fat man in women’s clothes, with a cucumber in his mouth» doing things so unmentionable that the witness who phoned the report in could not describe it, citing the vulnerable children in the car.
Caps raced out to catch Wee Willie Winkie in the act, but he had skittered away into hiding, as only a fat naked man with a cucumber in his mouth can.
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Bag contained explosive surprise
A doghandler at the Pierre Elliott Trudeau airport was running through standard tests for his sniffer dog, and decided to mix things up a bit by hiding materials in regular passenger luggage. So the doghandler put a neatly labeled jar containing TNT in a passenger's luggage. Bummer that he forgot to take it out. Bummer still that the customer was able to pick up his bags and then pass through customs and security checks and leave with the TNT.
The passenger ultimately discovered the well-marked package when at home and called police. Nobody was ever in any danger from this particular jar of TNT, since it did not have a detonator, but ya know....>>>shaking head<<<< I do believe the test was successful in showing a need for just a TAD more effective security checks.
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He's a Thinker, That One.
Short, sweet, and to the point.
German dude stops to get gas at a station in Frankfurt, accidentally dumps in petrol instead of diesel.
Whoops.
So German dude gets attendant to clean things out and all, and then decides to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN there was no petrol left.
So he uses a high powered vacuum cleaner to try siphoning out the last drops of petrol in the tank.
Vacuum suckage causes the tank to have a mighty explosion, causing much consternation and about £1,000 in damage.
Big whoops.
BA BOOM
CORRECTION: I got my info from a bad source last Friday! So don't be bummed that you didn't spot Andy Kaufmann at your local Wendy's this Sunday. His resurrection is slated for NEXT Sunday, the 16th. I am so so so very sorry for any distress this may have caused.
******************************
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Two Bongs Don't Make a Right
In the Philippines, where folks can vote for candidates using just the candidates' nick-names, there's quite a tussle over the nick name "Bong". Apparently Olivia Coo and her rival Ramon Revilla both go by the moniker 'Bong'.
They ran to court to figure out who is the bigger bong and who just has to suck it up and deal. The Supreme Court ruled that they can both use whatever the heck nickname they want, and if a voter just writes "Bong" on the ballot, that vote will not be counted.
Makes me think of Florida...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Irreconcilable Differences
Xiao Fang from Nanjing China did not like her hubby's evil Wolfhound, certain that the foul beast would ruin her lovely furniture in their new apartment. So she kept trying to lose the darned thing, but much like a Grimm's Fairy Tale character, the dog would keep returning to their home. So recently when hubby was away for business, Xiao hired 4 hitmen. They came, they saw, they slaughtered.
Hubby came home from the trip, learned of the demise of the wolfhound, and requested a divorce as he could not live under the same roof as a murderer.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mom Always Said, Don't Come Between Two Mating Horses
A guy named Robert(known as Bob, perhaps) in Warsaw Poland was bitten to death by a sexually excited stallion. The stallion had become smitten by a nearby mare, and was focused on doing the nasty with said mare. Bob tried to intervene, and the horse completely freaked out. An autopsy is being conducted to determine whether the cause of death was a severed jugular vein or a damaged spine. No news as to whether or not the stallion got lucky after the attack.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Ew Icky!
Oh yuck. Police were called to investigate a reported sighting of «a fat man in women’s clothes, with a cucumber in his mouth» doing things so unmentionable that the witness who phoned the report in could not describe it, citing the vulnerable children in the car.
Caps raced out to catch Wee Willie Winkie in the act, but he had skittered away into hiding, as only a fat naked man with a cucumber in his mouth can.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Bag contained explosive surprise
A doghandler at the Pierre Elliott Trudeau airport was running through standard tests for his sniffer dog, and decided to mix things up a bit by hiding materials in regular passenger luggage. So the doghandler put a neatly labeled jar containing TNT in a passenger's luggage. Bummer that he forgot to take it out. Bummer still that the customer was able to pick up his bags and then pass through customs and security checks and leave with the TNT.
The passenger ultimately discovered the well-marked package when at home and called police. Nobody was ever in any danger from this particular jar of TNT, since it did not have a detonator, but ya know....>>>shaking head<<<< I do believe the test was successful in showing a need for just a TAD more effective security checks.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
He's a Thinker, That One.
Short, sweet, and to the point.
German dude stops to get gas at a station in Frankfurt, accidentally dumps in petrol instead of diesel.
Whoops.
So German dude gets attendant to clean things out and all, and then decides to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN there was no petrol left.
So he uses a high powered vacuum cleaner to try siphoning out the last drops of petrol in the tank.
Vacuum suckage causes the tank to have a mighty explosion, causing much consternation and about £1,000 in damage.
Big whoops.
BA BOOM
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