Monday, April 05, 2004
Today in History: April 5, 1994, Kurt Cobain blows out his brains and injects new life into the washed up career of Courtney I-used-to-be-just-another-nameless-druggie-in-a-rock-n-roll-band Love, allowing her to be front page news practically every freakin' day for one act of stupidity or another.
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In the 'Sensitivity of the Week' Category...
Special Effects, a video and printing store in Ohio, has a window display that is certainly drawing attention.
The window has a lovely diorama of an overturned table with legs dangling overhead (presumably those of a successful suicide). Beer cans are strewn about, and on a table there is a scribbled suicide note on notebook paper and in contrast a lovely professionally printed letter next to it.
The sign in the window reads, "Contemplating suicide? Let Special Effects give your suicide note that professional look."
Suicide prevention folks are outraged and filled with sorrow regarding the cold hearted nature of storeowner Chris Goran. Chris said that most of her customers think it's a funny display and gosh, she didn't think people would be offended.
She's decided to keep the display up, but she might add a suicide prevention hot line phone number to it. Hopefully on a well-printed document.
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Tokyo Elderly Urged to Stay on Their Feet
Ambulance drivers in Tokyo are tired of responding to "I've fallen and I can't get up" calls. So fire stations in Tokyo will begin offering classes to the elderly to teach them how to stop tipping over so darned easily.
The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has been offering classes on how to remain vertical since 1997, but attendance not been steady.
Classes from the Firestations will begin later this month.
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Bill Gates No Longer the World's Richest Man
Yup, you read it right. Bill Gates is now an also-ran, since Ingvar Kamprad has been determined to have personal wealth of $53 billion. Bill only has $47 billion.
Who is this Ingvar fellow, you ask? He's the dude who started IKEA.
Who would have thought particle board furniture could create such wealth?
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Holy Cow!
The vicar at All Saints Church in England has decided to show how American Dysfunctional Cartoon Families sends out a Christian message.
Robin Spittle (not the deserter of Juniper Bank, mind you, she spells hers Robyn) is holding 4 classes at the end of April, each dealing with one of the main family members. Spittle says that each Simpsons episode is chock-full of Christian themes, and Marge and Homer are really pillars of moral society. So too young Bart and Lisa. No mention of Crusty the Clown is expected.
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Look Before You Flush
It was a nasty scene when Takoe Dawkins walked in to the room with someone else's boyfriend. The someone else, a 25-year-old Connecticut woman whose name has not been released, got really really mad and the two got to tussling.
During the brawl, Takoe BIT OFF the right ring finger of the girlfriend. After the chomping, the boyfriend and some other heroes broke up the girl-fight and someone who likes to keep a battleground tidy took the finger and flushed it down the toilet.
The finger has not been retrieved, and charges are being filed against Takoe.
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Adolf Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Don't go looking for Adolf Hitler in the phone book for Haslach, Upper Austria. He has just been stripped of his citizenship of that town. Yes, THAT Adolf. Turns out that when he died, his honorary citizenship of the town didn't die with him. So the Mayor of the town is just tying up loose ends.
Herr Dude is still an honorary citizen of Bitterfeld, Germany. The Mayor of Bitterfeld said that Hitler's name will remain on the books. So there.
88888888888888888888
In the 'Sensitivity of the Week' Category...
Special Effects, a video and printing store in Ohio, has a window display that is certainly drawing attention.
The window has a lovely diorama of an overturned table with legs dangling overhead (presumably those of a successful suicide). Beer cans are strewn about, and on a table there is a scribbled suicide note on notebook paper and in contrast a lovely professionally printed letter next to it.
The sign in the window reads, "Contemplating suicide? Let Special Effects give your suicide note that professional look."
Suicide prevention folks are outraged and filled with sorrow regarding the cold hearted nature of storeowner Chris Goran. Chris said that most of her customers think it's a funny display and gosh, she didn't think people would be offended.
She's decided to keep the display up, but she might add a suicide prevention hot line phone number to it. Hopefully on a well-printed document.
88888888888888888888
Tokyo Elderly Urged to Stay on Their Feet
Ambulance drivers in Tokyo are tired of responding to "I've fallen and I can't get up" calls. So fire stations in Tokyo will begin offering classes to the elderly to teach them how to stop tipping over so darned easily.
The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has been offering classes on how to remain vertical since 1997, but attendance not been steady.
Classes from the Firestations will begin later this month.
88888888888888888888
Bill Gates No Longer the World's Richest Man
Yup, you read it right. Bill Gates is now an also-ran, since Ingvar Kamprad has been determined to have personal wealth of $53 billion. Bill only has $47 billion.
Who is this Ingvar fellow, you ask? He's the dude who started IKEA.
Who would have thought particle board furniture could create such wealth?
88888888888888888888
Holy Cow!
The vicar at All Saints Church in England has decided to show how American Dysfunctional Cartoon Families sends out a Christian message.
Robin Spittle (not the deserter of Juniper Bank, mind you, she spells hers Robyn) is holding 4 classes at the end of April, each dealing with one of the main family members. Spittle says that each Simpsons episode is chock-full of Christian themes, and Marge and Homer are really pillars of moral society. So too young Bart and Lisa. No mention of Crusty the Clown is expected.
88888888888888888888888
Look Before You Flush
It was a nasty scene when Takoe Dawkins walked in to the room with someone else's boyfriend. The someone else, a 25-year-old Connecticut woman whose name has not been released, got really really mad and the two got to tussling.
During the brawl, Takoe BIT OFF the right ring finger of the girlfriend. After the chomping, the boyfriend and some other heroes broke up the girl-fight and someone who likes to keep a battleground tidy took the finger and flushed it down the toilet.
The finger has not been retrieved, and charges are being filed against Takoe.
888888888888888888888888888888
Adolf Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Don't go looking for Adolf Hitler in the phone book for Haslach, Upper Austria. He has just been stripped of his citizenship of that town. Yes, THAT Adolf. Turns out that when he died, his honorary citizenship of the town didn't die with him. So the Mayor of the town is just tying up loose ends.
Herr Dude is still an honorary citizen of Bitterfeld, Germany. The Mayor of Bitterfeld said that Hitler's name will remain on the books. So there.
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