Friday, March 26, 2004
Today in History: March 26, 1937 - Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye.
Update on Richard Simmons Case
So yesterday I advised you of Richard Simmons' assault citation, for bitch-slapping (I love saying that) a waiting passenger at an airport. I am pleased to advise you that the person he smacked is actually a 6'2", 250lb ultimate cage fighter!
AND that prior to the whap, Richard scolded the burly man, saying "You shouldn't make fun of people who have issues."
Huh. Just makes the image that much better. Well smack me upside the head call me Nancy!
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A Poopy Situation
Speaking of issues, a woman in North America is trying to deal with a stinky issue of her own. Apparently either her poopy spouse or an odd home intruder has developed the passive-aggressive habit of accessing her bathroom on an at-least weekly basis and leaving a sizeable dump in her potty! No indication of toilet paper is generally found, and flushage does not occur until she returns to her home in the early evening. Ew!
I think she should install a video camera to catch the little sh*t in the act.
Little-known fact from Lord Mutter: a human being carries about 5lbs of poo in his/her colon on average throughout the day.
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Don't Splash Me!
Ashley Carpenter overreacted when he, a cyclist, was splashed when a car drove through a puddle. Enraged, Carpenter decided to rid the road of automobiles. He proceded to slash the tires of 548 cars in 10 days. This childish 37 year old said he wanted to send a message out to drivers.
Well, at least he didn't chop off his fingers to send his message. Whatever that message was.
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Bravery in Gator Land
65 year old Patricia Compton was happily sitting on an ice chest in the back of the family pickup as the truck slowly moved through a 3-foot deep puddle. Suddenly, as her relatives sat in the truck bed gaping in horror, an alligator lunged out of the water and chomped down on her ankle! The monster, in a single crunch, cut a big old gash in her ankle and broke her fibula!
Then the gator let her go.
Pat's brave hubby leaped out of the safety of the cab to see what was up, then quickly jumped back in to avoid being eaten, himself!
It's possible that the gator was miffed because he had been run over - whether or not by the Comptons is not known. He did have scrape marks and a broken back. It has now been put out of its misery.
But Pat's cowardly hubby's misery is only just beginning.
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Little Bunny Chew Chew
A 2 year old child in Saginaw has lost her finger in a terrible bunny accident. She went to pet her neighbor's 3yr old bunny and CHOMP! The hungry bunny bit off her entire right index finger! Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.
The girl's comment, per the saginaw news: "the bunny was bad, and had to go into the corner."
To which Dr Elizabeth Walton, sensitive owner of Freeland Animal Clinic, says: ""They are cute and furry, but I don't remember Peter Cottontail saying 'Come pet me,' "
Note: words of caution were put forth by Walton that the most concerning teeth on the bunny would be the FRONT teeth. Just in case you were wondering.
Update on Richard Simmons Case
So yesterday I advised you of Richard Simmons' assault citation, for bitch-slapping (I love saying that) a waiting passenger at an airport. I am pleased to advise you that the person he smacked is actually a 6'2", 250lb ultimate cage fighter!
AND that prior to the whap, Richard scolded the burly man, saying "You shouldn't make fun of people who have issues."
Huh. Just makes the image that much better. Well smack me upside the head call me Nancy!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A Poopy Situation
Speaking of issues, a woman in North America is trying to deal with a stinky issue of her own. Apparently either her poopy spouse or an odd home intruder has developed the passive-aggressive habit of accessing her bathroom on an at-least weekly basis and leaving a sizeable dump in her potty! No indication of toilet paper is generally found, and flushage does not occur until she returns to her home in the early evening. Ew!
I think she should install a video camera to catch the little sh*t in the act.
Little-known fact from Lord Mutter: a human being carries about 5lbs of poo in his/her colon on average throughout the day.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Don't Splash Me!
Ashley Carpenter overreacted when he, a cyclist, was splashed when a car drove through a puddle. Enraged, Carpenter decided to rid the road of automobiles. He proceded to slash the tires of 548 cars in 10 days. This childish 37 year old said he wanted to send a message out to drivers.
Well, at least he didn't chop off his fingers to send his message. Whatever that message was.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Bravery in Gator Land
65 year old Patricia Compton was happily sitting on an ice chest in the back of the family pickup as the truck slowly moved through a 3-foot deep puddle. Suddenly, as her relatives sat in the truck bed gaping in horror, an alligator lunged out of the water and chomped down on her ankle! The monster, in a single crunch, cut a big old gash in her ankle and broke her fibula!
Then the gator let her go.
Pat's brave hubby leaped out of the safety of the cab to see what was up, then quickly jumped back in to avoid being eaten, himself!
It's possible that the gator was miffed because he had been run over - whether or not by the Comptons is not known. He did have scrape marks and a broken back. It has now been put out of its misery.
But Pat's cowardly hubby's misery is only just beginning.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Little Bunny Chew Chew
A 2 year old child in Saginaw has lost her finger in a terrible bunny accident. She went to pet her neighbor's 3yr old bunny and CHOMP! The hungry bunny bit off her entire right index finger! Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.
The girl's comment, per the saginaw news: "the bunny was bad, and had to go into the corner."
To which Dr Elizabeth Walton, sensitive owner of Freeland Animal Clinic, says: ""They are cute and furry, but I don't remember Peter Cottontail saying 'Come pet me,' "
Note: words of caution were put forth by Walton that the most concerning teeth on the bunny would be the FRONT teeth. Just in case you were wondering.
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