Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Today in History: Mar 23 1997 Heaven's gate suicides leave 39 dead, all wearing nice new NIKE shoes.
This prompted one of my favorite Rick Sawyer emails back in the old First USA days:
To: Heaven's Gate California Charter
From: The Elder Commission
Due to heavy tailwinds from the comet Halle-Bop, estimated pick up time will not be met. Return pick up will be completed August 23, 2012. It is important not to eat the pudding at this time. Repeat Repeat, do not eat the pudding.
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2 All Beef Patties, Special Sauce...
Marcus Calderon from Rio Rancho has been arrested and charged with assaulting a police officer and altering food...because he spit a hocker into a police officer's hamburger while working at a fast food restaurant.
Apparently his spit is rather potent, as the policeman was able to detect the special seasonings after only two or three bites of his burger. The now-imprisoned-and-jobless Calderon said that he might have accidentally spit on the burger but that it certainly wasn't on purpose officer, sir.
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No Laughing!
In India there is a phenomenon occurring called Laughter Groups. They are gaggles of people who go around laughing to release tension. Well, one group giggled and guffawed near the wrong tense politician during a recent visit to the Sanjay Gandhi Botanical Garden and Zoo in Patna.
Laloo Prasad Yadav, the irritable president of the ruling Rashtriya Janata Dal party, was enjoying a peaceful day at the zoo when he saw and heard a group of Laughers. Their jocularity upset him so much that he, being in the position of power, banned laughter inside the premises of the zoo.
According to sifty.com, Mr Yadav stated: "By cleaning their lungs through laughter, people were spreading their diseases to other people who come for a morning walk. Besides this kind of laughter also disturbed and frightened the zoo animals."
Tee hee.
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No Soup For You!
Terence Hope, a neurosurgeon at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham, has been suspended from his position at the hospital. Why? Because he is suspected of trying to steal an extra serving of soup from the staff cafeteria. Hope says he was just getting some croutons. Stay tuned for exciting updates on this very important miscarriage of justice!
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Let the Buyer Beware
Adrian Ionut Craciunoiu of Gorj county, Romania, paid for his services but received inferior product. Ananova reports that he has filed a complaint with the consumer protection authority in Gorj complaining that the prostitute he paid "didn't do her best and even scratched me because she missed some of her teeth...I...paid...but what did I get? Bad services and even lesions."
One of the difficulties Adrian will have with this case is that prostitution, good or bad, is illegal in Romania.
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Virgin Airlines to Remain TightLipped
Bummer for all you guys out there who were looking forward to peeing at New York's JFK International Airport, just so you could say you pissed into a urinal shaped like a really big woman's mouth. The design of the 'Kisses' urinals has been scrapped. NOW (Nat'l Organization of Women) got offended by the luscious lips and launched an appeal to have them removed.
They won. NOW President Kim Gandy stated, "I don't know many men who think it's cool to pee in a woman's mouth, even a porcelain one."
Also the lipstick color painted on the urinals was quite garish.
This prompted one of my favorite Rick Sawyer emails back in the old First USA days:
To: Heaven's Gate California Charter
From: The Elder Commission
Due to heavy tailwinds from the comet Halle-Bop, estimated pick up time will not be met. Return pick up will be completed August 23, 2012. It is important not to eat the pudding at this time. Repeat Repeat, do not eat the pudding.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
2 All Beef Patties, Special Sauce...
Marcus Calderon from Rio Rancho has been arrested and charged with assaulting a police officer and altering food...because he spit a hocker into a police officer's hamburger while working at a fast food restaurant.
Apparently his spit is rather potent, as the policeman was able to detect the special seasonings after only two or three bites of his burger. The now-imprisoned-and-jobless Calderon said that he might have accidentally spit on the burger but that it certainly wasn't on purpose officer, sir.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
No Laughing!
In India there is a phenomenon occurring called Laughter Groups. They are gaggles of people who go around laughing to release tension. Well, one group giggled and guffawed near the wrong tense politician during a recent visit to the Sanjay Gandhi Botanical Garden and Zoo in Patna.
Laloo Prasad Yadav, the irritable president of the ruling Rashtriya Janata Dal party, was enjoying a peaceful day at the zoo when he saw and heard a group of Laughers. Their jocularity upset him so much that he, being in the position of power, banned laughter inside the premises of the zoo.
According to sifty.com, Mr Yadav stated: "By cleaning their lungs through laughter, people were spreading their diseases to other people who come for a morning walk. Besides this kind of laughter also disturbed and frightened the zoo animals."
Tee hee.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
No Soup For You!
Terence Hope, a neurosurgeon at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham, has been suspended from his position at the hospital. Why? Because he is suspected of trying to steal an extra serving of soup from the staff cafeteria. Hope says he was just getting some croutons. Stay tuned for exciting updates on this very important miscarriage of justice!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Let the Buyer Beware
Adrian Ionut Craciunoiu of Gorj county, Romania, paid for his services but received inferior product. Ananova reports that he has filed a complaint with the consumer protection authority in Gorj complaining that the prostitute he paid "didn't do her best and even scratched me because she missed some of her teeth...I...paid...but what did I get? Bad services and even lesions."
One of the difficulties Adrian will have with this case is that prostitution, good or bad, is illegal in Romania.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Virgin Airlines to Remain TightLipped
Bummer for all you guys out there who were looking forward to peeing at New York's JFK International Airport, just so you could say you pissed into a urinal shaped like a really big woman's mouth. The design of the 'Kisses' urinals has been scrapped. NOW (Nat'l Organization of Women) got offended by the luscious lips and launched an appeal to have them removed.
They won. NOW President Kim Gandy stated, "I don't know many men who think it's cool to pee in a woman's mouth, even a porcelain one."
Also the lipstick color painted on the urinals was quite garish.
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